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What is happening to me?

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What is happening to me?

Postby Eggman01 » Thu Dec 27, 2018 4:30 am

I started having thoughts of if it was better to be a animal with no thought thoughts or feeling than to be a human today and it's like my brain took a huge punch. Everything feels meaningless and arbitrary. Concepts are illusions that our minds made up. Why do we want to exist or have fun? What is fun, why can't we have fun like animals chasing a ball or something. What is math? What is morality? What is music? Music is just random sounds, why do we get meaning out of it? What is meaning? What are thoughts? Why does our thoughts see meaning in things? What is dating? Or MARRIAGE? What is anything?

Everything about existence seems completely arbitrary and meaningless now. Nothing means anything. Our minds are trying to input meaning into things but it doesn't mean anything. Nothing matters. Is this dp doing this to me? I'm so scared this is the worst thoughts I have had yet. I feel so disillusioned with everything. Nothing about existence makes sense anymore. What should I do? I'm so freaked out.
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Re: What is happening to me?

Postby phoenix1 » Thu Dec 27, 2018 4:31 pm

I would assume you're above average intelligence.

I've been through the EXACT same thing, and have struggled with it for years.

The answer, in short, is that it doesn't HAVE TO make sense.

The universe and reality at its basis IS chaos. You are correct in what you say, albeit very literal and very deep.

It DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE. We are the universe interacting with itself. Nothing matters, nothing is permanent, nothing makes sense, and nothing has to. You can either live with the delusion that there is a point, a goal, a purpose, or you can face the scientific reality that we can't prove or know anything, and nothing matters.

The biggest help to me, in a very similar if not SAME situation, was to become a spectator. I deleted all social media, started to sit alone in the woods, or read, or whatever. You start to see how stupid and crazy society is in most cases. Why do I have to prove my name/existence/worth to anyone? They're not going to remember it LOL So why try?

What was life like before you were born? Why is there any notion of an afterlife? Why does it matter? In a scientific sense, religion is delusion, there's no empirical data regarding an afterlife, and we're not special. We never were. We orbit one star out of trillions, out of trillions of galaxies and an infinite amount of space.

At the lowest level, you can do whatever you want, when you want. Nothing matters. At first this is VERY scary (crime, violence, etc.) Then you develop your own system, your own rules. Mine are

1. Don't hurt anyone
2. Don't be an a hole.

That's it.

Marriage is a pledge for that at the time being, you want to love that person. There isn't a scientific grounding for love, it's a team effort of bettering each other/protection/security/etc. You don't HAVE to love, you choose to. I look at it like this, and I told the love of my life this: "For the few moments of time we have, I want you. I love you, and I want to love you. Loving me back is up to you, but I get to love a piece of the universe until I go, and I intend to do just that."

Granted, her response was "You love me too much, you tell me too many nice things, I'm not ready" etc. etc.

I've been called an old soul, I feel like I've done this 1000 times. You can't yell at a tree to grow faster, or a flower to bloom. I simply sit quietly and watch everyone hustle around like there's a goal. There isn't. There never was, and there never had to be.

If you sit quietly in a food court or mall, you'll see how chaotic we really are. Me me me look at me, look at my stuff, look at my family, I'm important, look at my money (I'll call them fun coupons...)

It becomes hilarious really, so don't take it seriously.

If you've never listened to Alan Watts, try that. He's brilliant.

Do NOT beat yourself up, if anything your hyper awareness will become an advantage.

I PROMISE YOU, from EXPERIENCE, YOU WILL GET BETTER. IT WILL GET BETTER. I have amazing friendships, moments, etc. As the lies and delusions fall apart, you will become THANKFUL they did. I'm not even close to the person I was a few years ago.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY. :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
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Re: What is happening to me?

Postby oneofyouoneofus » Thu Dec 27, 2018 6:04 pm

I've felt similarly, and in many ways still do. Only, it doesn't feel disturbing. It feels good not to be bound by unnecessary external rules set up by society and people. I get to choose to conform or not (except for absolute rules dealing with moral and legal rights and wrongs). To matters like holidays, communication, likes/dislikes, style, etc.

I had that moment with absolute clarity one day years ago while I was snorkeling and diving. It was right after a major psychological pain (divorce, post more severe traumas in years before). I spent a lot of time in nature, where I felt the safest to be without a mask, to just be sad, hurt, and feel whatever I did. So, while snorkeling one late afternoon, I observed the incredibly beautiful and rich life around me, singling out one fish. Suddenly, minutes later, it turned around, and looked at me for a while, as if to say: "OK. So, you came to my home. You watched me eat, mate, defecate... What else do you want? Now, I get to look at you." And for that time, we were equals. In fact, the fish was superior to me.

There are no sounds down under water surface. Just mostly humming. All our rules dissolve. We are in someone else's territory. And they are not only a majority there, but also, their natural habitat takes up greatest area of the planet. Our appearance becomes unimportant. What I am wearing, my face, my job, income, what anyone thinks of me, any embarrassing moments of my life, my pains, traumas, damages, losses and gains, all of that is completely irrelevant. The only relevant thing is what I bring in action into their world, good or bad. That, my footprint there, so to say, is more important at that moment than anything else. And possibly that may be the larger truth in life as a whole. Perhaps it's more important to leave a smaller negative (and therefore automatically a larger positive) footprint on this planet than most of what we chase and achieve, which often leaves us eternally hungry for more, insatiable, waiting, striving and planning more than living until the day we die.

What to do? Enjoy. Everything that feels good to you. And freedom.

For me, that is often very small matters: nature, power of human imagination and constructive creation, food, health when I have it, my faculties, ability to take care of myself... I am a mother, and certainly, that was and remained at the top of my joys and responsibilities. But you may be young and single. Still, by nature a human being is a social animal. We can't survive without others, so building and maintaining those most important relations, by blood or not, is extremely important, and also not bound by anyone's but your own rules. Your being here, on this message board, is a relationship also.

I make mistakes all the time, and still get lost at times. Sometimes much more than I like to admit, or what's truly good for me. It's all a part of "live and learn", I suppose. But overall, there is a much larger peace and absence of fear that came out of realizing all this, and feeling this freedom. Life became a lot more enjoyable beyond those moments and thoughts. I hope it takes that turn for you, too.
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Re: What is happening to me?

Postby Justddrown » Fri Dec 28, 2018 1:01 am

I wish we were as happy as a dog chasing a ball all the time. Just frolic in feilds. Immidietly get a feel for character. Except leashing kids. That’s wrong. Yeah everything is a construct and pi might be a lie maybe you just slip into this state sometimes.
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Re: What is happening to me?

Postby RottenFish » Fri Dec 28, 2018 7:33 pm

This happens to all individuals who question the meaning of life.

It's disheartening how some humans are automatically programmed to believe their only purpose in life is to get married and procreate.

While some of us, such as myself, refuse to believe our only purpose in life is to find a partner and have kids. Some of us like to find a deeper meaning to life -- such as pursuing happiness and having a virtuous soul.
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Re: What is happening to me?

Postby Justddrown » Mon Dec 31, 2018 4:17 pm

RottenFish wrote:This happens to all individuals who question the meaning of life.

It's disheartening how some humans are automatically programmed to believe their only purpose in life is to get married and procreate.

While some of us, such as myself, refuse to believe our only purpose in life is to find a partner and have kids. Some of us like to find a deeper meaning to life -- such as pursuing happiness and having a virtuous soul.


To some there is a deeper meaning to be found in life through marriage and children and the persuit of happiness and a virtuous soul are still present and not something sacrificed by those things.
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