Our partner

Can someone help me?

Open Discussions about how Mental Illness affects your life.
*****PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE POSTING HERE*****

When posting on Psychforums.com please try to pick the forum you think best fits your post. If your post would fit in a specialized forum (there are more than 100 forums here) then please post there rather than in the "Living With Mental Illness" forum. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter. Moderators could move your thread without notice if they feel it is fitting better into another forum.

The Mod Team

Can someone help me?

Postby Eggman01 » Mon Dec 17, 2018 3:53 am

I'm afraid that I am now a sociopath. I digged too deeply in the reality of the world and now I have seen the truth. About a week ago i started having a series of disturbing thoughts regarded the world and how it is a ###$ up place. Thoughts on random fears and thoughts that life is suffering filled my mind and I could not stop or refute them. One thing led to another and now a new thought has absolutely broken me.



I am agnostic. I do not believe in religion or their gods. But I never fell into the trap of nihilism that without a god that there is no point.in life. I used to strongly believe in right and wrong and why life is valuable. But I have now lost that thing that kept me falling into the abyss. As I sat ruminating over my thoughts trying to find counter arguments to the thoughts about life was suffering and stuff, an new thought came into my head, that aliens will probably not have the same emotions as us. This led me into a downward spiral of if aliens didnt have the same emotions as us than emotions are not universal. If emotions are not universal than emotions are nothing more than evolutionary adaptions to help our species survive. And then finally if emotions are nothing more than evolutionary adaptions, then then things like love or value does not exist. Human life is not special or important. Love isnt because you actually love a person, its because evolution is trying to pass on your genes. Emotions are illusions. Humans are nothing more than machines of evolution. There is no reason for emotions or caring about other people.



I never thought this way before. I always believed in humanism, that humans are special and deserve to be treated well. I believed in love, happiness and morality. Now those concepts have been dragged out from underneath me. It doesnt matter if someone gets murdered or raped. Human life isn't special. Just evoutionary robots. I was already pretty emotionless because I was dealing with the thoughts before coming to this realization but when the thought popped into my head it's like something inside me died. I feel nothing anymore. No emotions. Nothing. Life is worthless and so are emotions. I have become a robot.



For the past few days I have done nothing but read philosphy books and books by a philosopherscientist named Raymond Tallis. He has what I think are convincing thoughts on why evolution, while true, can not account for human behavior or emotions. That humans are more than their biological roots. But no matter how many times I read and read, while I agree with his statements, the thoughts don't care. The thoughts don't believe it. I still believe that life is worthless. If an asteroid came and destroyed the planet tomorrow I would not care. I realize how horrible that statement sounds but I can't help. It won't leave my mind. I am constantly searching for evidence against these thoughts but no matter how much I can logically agree with the counter arguments, I can't force my self to believe it. I am constantly reading stuff on the internet to disprove these thoughts but nothing works.



I hate this. Why am I like this? I am worried that I will be a sociopath for the rest of my mind. That I will resort to acting like the animal I believe we all are. I want to reset my mind, or rewind time to a time I did not think like this. I have OCD but I don't think this applies here. I have no emotions anymore. I am just an evolutionary robot. Please someone read this and slap some sense into me. I'm so scared.
Eggman01
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Jul 16, 2014 6:19 am
Local time: Thu Jan 17, 2019 4:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Can someone help me?

Postby Theymakeyouwait » Mon Dec 17, 2018 5:06 am

The world is a shitehole. We could take our anger out on it; give it a little Karma and what it deserves. But I wonder if In the back of our minds we will know what we did, what we do. Be a psychopath in your actions and your mind won’t be able to forgive you. Life is suffering and it’s the most beautiful thing you’ll ever experience. Like all things it will not last. We are all dying but if you never die you never truly lived.
Who are you to decide if it matters to me if I get raped or murdered? And really you wouldn’t care if someone tortured you? Be real. If your actions didn’t matter they wouldn’t spawn re-actions.
Life isn’t special? Wtf do you call billions of years of evolution starting from microscopic cells to a human? There’s no need for a god to give us miracles life beat him to it. The magnitude of it is pure impossible. I wouldn’t really care if an asteroid wiped us all out tomorrow. That is because I’ve been depressed my whole life and lack any fear of death. In fact I’d welcome it. That doesn’t make me a bad person that’s determined by my actions.
Theymakeyouwait
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Dec 13, 2018 9:38 pm
Local time: Thu Jan 17, 2019 2:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Can someone help me?

Postby DaturaInnoxia » Wed Dec 19, 2018 9:10 pm

OCD does play a part here
A sociopath wouldn't be distressed about being a sociopath
Look up DBT mindfulness, distress tolerance and emotional regulation
User avatar
DaturaInnoxia
Consumer 3
Consumer 3
 
Posts: 75
Joined: Thu Jul 05, 2018 5:21 am
Local time: Thu Jan 17, 2019 2:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Can someone help me?

Postby RottenFish » Mon Dec 31, 2018 2:40 am

I have OCD too, and some of us with OCD believe the world is an imperfect and a rather disgusting place.

Find what makes you happy, and focus on that. If you spend all day thinking about the world and all of its filth, your OCD will get worse. I know this from personal experience.

Try to find a passion or a hobby that motivates you to get out of bed in the morning. This will take time, of course. Once you occupy your time, thoughts, and love toward activities that you enjoy, the rest of the world doesn't matter anymore. Avoid all media, social media, toxic people, and negative facts because they will only make you feel worse.
User avatar
RottenFish
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 102
Joined: Sun Sep 30, 2018 12:53 pm
Local time: Thu Jan 17, 2019 5:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Living With Mental Illness Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 45 guests