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Social problems.

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Social problems.

Postby Fawnette » Sat Dec 15, 2018 10:54 pm

Or maybe it would be more appropriate to say "relationship problems"?

I don't know, I think due to my mental and mood problems, I'm just one of those types where I'm extremely flakey, moody, plus I'm also introverted and I've been told that I am highly impressionable and wishy-washy. I can also be incredibly absent-minded.

But the thing is... I don't know if this means I am basically just a jerk and a really selfish person who revels in the "newness" of things, and maybe I do just dump things once the novelty wears off, I don't know. But the thing I'm trying to get at here is... for some reason, it seems like whenever I enter any kind of new social circle, it's AWESOME. Especially if I find people who are as geeky and weird as I am. It's like... instant kinship, or whatever. I've found my tribe.

But then it's like... I'm always horrible when it comes to longterm stuff or committing to anything at all. If a group is just free and casual, where I can just pop in whenever I want and also not participate in anything whenever I want, just to have the freedom to slip back in again, I'm fine.

But every single time something or other shifts or changes in an interpersonal interaction or dynamic, (which will ALWAYS occur whenever people start seeing each other more than two or three times, and begin to notice one-another's true personalities and flaws), well... I usually find myself offending someone, or worse, I find that I want out and I don't want to see that person again.

It usually comes right down to cases where people start to want something from me, and/or I start to want something from them, and it even seems like I'm being held to a certain standard and I'm disappointing other people by not holding my end or by not being what they thought. (Though to be fair, there have been times when I have been a charmer and I have given snippets, or I offered something that I just couldn't keep giving longterm). Or at times, I want something from someone, and I end up being way too forward too soon, or I kinda give people the impression that I'm kind of a taker and they don't want to deal with that.

Plus... I have been told that I am an emotionally stunted adult, which can partially be blamed on my mental illness and partially blamed on the fact that I just don't like people that much and I grew up rather sheltered. I've also been accused of having some narcissistic qualities.

In the end... I don't know. It could be that I am just better off being single, because... I don't mind doing some things for others, when it is within my capability to do so, and I will do the things in my daily life that I absolutely need to do. In my own way, I am also rather spoiled I guess, since I've always had family members around to help and to give me what I want, at least sometimes when they can.

To the point where I am sometimes ungrateful.

It's just... I don't know what the point of this is exactly. I think part of it is that I basically grew up with the starry-eyed, fairy tale mentality that once you come of age, you're supposed to get your Prince Charming and that God has already picked out someone for everyone. And so far... this has simply never happened.

In some ways, I feel like this is actually a blessing in of itself, because I don't like people that much except for very casual interactions that have no strings attached, and I can't seem to handle longterm stuff where I have to see other people's flaws, things about them that irritate me, or I might end up getting held to obligations or other things that I simply don't want to do. I also want the freedom to have limited bits of company when *I* want it, and have the world go away when I want it to as well, just to be there when I am ready to go back to it.

But at the same time, maybe there is something just kind of... neurological? I don't know, I think every human has a basic need or instinct or whatever where they want to pair up with someone, and while I've dated and I've kinda latched onto other people, I'm still a virgin and I find, for the most part, I hate every person I've ever latched onto or at the very least, there is something I hate about everybody.

I mean... I do get it in some ways. Relationships are about compromise, and it's also about "in sickness and in health", "for better and for worse", and being willing to put up with some stuff that you can't change about another person.

But... somehow, I always find myself thinking too much about an imaginary image in my head, usually based upon a favorite TV show character or something (pathetic, I know), and I seem to be highly sensitive (blame social anxiety) to the point where sometimes, if I feel like I have a good flow with someone, I will never forgive them if they hurt my feelings once or twice. (Though in many cases, the guys I have been interested in have been emotionally unavailable and have not been interested in me anyway.)

So... I don't know. I'm not sure what the point of this is anymore or what I'm looking for here exactly.
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Re: Social problems.

Postby rms18 » Sun Dec 16, 2018 12:19 am

I get like that. I badly lose interest once the novelty of things wears down, to the point where I don't put as much effort in myself anymore so the novelty likely wears down for them too. And slowly that cycle just goes on until we part ways. For me though It seems logical that someone can't be that super awesome cool guy/girl 24/7 that holds someones attention forever to a high standard. Need to find people who are content with accepting that flare does burn down but as long as there are still times where it starts up again they are willing to go on.

Gotta take the rough with the smooth.
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