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Lost my spark for life.

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Lost my spark for life.

Postby rms18 » Thu Dec 13, 2018 7:04 pm

I have had a lot of crap happen in my life, from the age of 19 I was diagnosed with GAD (Anxiety Disorder) and was put on some medication for it. That said I always managed to cope with it and managed to still retain that optimism for life intself, I always had that idea in my head that good things will come in the end.

At age 21 I stupidly got into smoking weed. I spent the new 8 years of my life enjoying using it pretty much daily and all my problems seem to just dissolve (in my head anyway). On Jan 3rd this year I quit smoking it for good and am almost a year without it now, however that is not without it's share of problems.

Here I am almost a year later weed free and my spark for life just seems to have vanished. I go day to day just doing what I feel are meaningless activities just to keep my my busy and attempting to reignite something in my head again. I have friends, family & a decent lifestyle but none of it seems to make me feel that enthusiasm for life I once had. I can't help but worry that my weed use has just messed things up long haul now. Everyday conversations just bore me where as in the past I could happily involve myself with it all.

I spoke to my doctor a while ago and was placed on Sertraline but it seems to not really do much for me anymore. In a nutshell, everything is just dull and feels pointless no matter how much I don't want it to feel that way. On the odd occasion I manage to get my head into something I enjoy but as soon as that event stops I am back to this dull feeling existence. I just dont feel content in myself.

Anyone else lost their spark and managed to fire it up again over time?
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Re: Lost my spark for life.

Postby Wally58 » Fri Dec 14, 2018 11:50 am

There are other classes of anti-anxiety/anti-depression medications and treatments out there. Sometimes if one medication is not being effective or has bad side-effects, another may do better for you. Medication is most effective when combined with regular therapy and programs of self-improvement.
Imipramine and Buspar, along with regular therapy sessions helped me about 25 years ago. Work with your doctor on finding something that works for you.
I am currently on sertraline (Zoloft) and although I didn't really notice any difference in how I felt or acted, other people around me have. It has had a positive effect on my mood and persona, according to them. We may not be deeply in touch with ourselves where we notice a difference, but others that we interact with may see an improvement.
When I stopped drugs and alcohol 28 years ago, it was suggested that something needs to 'fill the hole' left behind by the years of addiction. For the first time in a long time, I had to learn to be with other people instead of always hiding from them or avoiding them. I had low self-esteem and was ashamed of myself.
I went to 12-step (AA) meetings, became a greeter and coffeemaker and went out to restaurants with members after the meetings and went to events that didn't include drugs or alcohol. I became social. :shock:
You can't just stop drugs and alcohol and believe that things will get better right away, although arresting the addiction is the first step in any chance of recovery. One year of being clean and sober is a milestone achievement, that is for sure, but there has to be more than that.
Old habits and thinking dies hard. I had to learn new ways of living. I could choose who I wanted to be and strive for that. One day at a time.
I had to let go of jobs and family/friends that weren't helping me and keeping me 'sick' and keep the jobs and family members/friends that were helping me in my recovery.
When was your last major physical exam? Chemical and endocrine imbalances should be ruled out first, as they can hold back the benefits of medications, counseling, treatment and recovery. Talk to your doctor if you feel that things aren't progressing as they should or what you can do to help pursue your recovery more fully.
Best of luck to you. :D
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Re: Lost my spark for life.

Postby rms18 » Fri Dec 14, 2018 4:20 pm

Thanks for the response! So if it turns out that it is a chemical imbalance in the brain is this something that can be rectified with the correct medications?
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Re: Lost my spark for life.

Postby Wally58 » Fri Dec 14, 2018 5:28 pm

Everyone is different. Some cases are medication-resistant. Some can't be reached through counseling. There are other options like ECT or other brain-stimulation trials to find what may work.
The best treatment methods are usually determined on an individual basis. There is no universal answer.
A doctor should draw up a 'treatment plan' that is tailored to you and discuss with you what the 'plan' is and how to best implement it.
We tried various medications and we finally settled on what seemed to work best for me. I am pleased with the results.
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Re: Lost my spark for life.

Postby rms18 » Fri Dec 14, 2018 6:55 pm

Last time I went to my doctor he just told me to either up my sertraline dose or call this funded therapy group (I live in the UK so it's something called the NHS that does it for free).

I called up this number and had about a 45 minute talk with someone over the phone, after which they booked me in to meet with a 'therapist'. Having arrived this therapist can't have been more than 22 years old and after the first session she was about to book me in for another the following week then suddenly turned to me and said 'actually sorry it will have to be 2 weeks as I'm at university next week'. At one point they even had a damn 'observer' sitting in with us as he was apparently learning. 2 things crossed my mind at this point.

-How can someone help me who is still in university learning...
-How can I offload all my emotional problems to someone who is nearly 10 years younger than me and expect them to help find the solutions for me. She can't have had the experiences needed for something like this.

Perhaps I didn't give it enough of a chance but I soon got demotivated by what I had seen so far and didn't go again. No doubt if I was to try and start it up again the same things would just appear.

I had often thought about private therapy but right now that isn't likely something I can afford. Perhaps I need to find a different doctor.
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