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Dysfunctional Parents??

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Dysfunctional Parents??

Postby Sybaris » Mon Nov 26, 2018 8:10 pm

Posting here because I don't know where else to post this.

I'm in my 50's. I have a sister a few years older. We both have been married 4 times each. My sister is about to get married for a 5th time. We both have periodically seen therapists....... my sister more than myself.

Our father was an emotionally abusive man. He was physically abusive to my sister. Since I was much smaller than my father and saw what he did to my sister I walked on eggshells for fear that because I was male I would get twice the beating my sister did. As a child I endured long periods of silence from my father. When he was speaking to me it was usually to humilate me. I dreaded dinner time because I was a captive at the table and that is usually when it happened. On the weekends I constantly tried to avoid him because he would usually initiate an argument and of course he would "win" because well, at 12 what did I know. The thing is the arguments didn't end at him being right, they ended when I was in tears from the humiliation of being told how ignorant and stupid I was. It was very confusing. In adulthood sometimes years would go by without him seeing or speaking to me if we had disagreements. This is just tip of the iceberg stuff.

Our mother is still alive. The funny thing about her is that she and our father kind of tag-teamed insofar as their emotional abuse towards me and allowed my sister and her boyfriends to be physically abusive with me. One of the funniest things I remember is how my mother would periodically tell me I wasn't assertive enough. As a teenager I didn't know what that meant but as an adult I found it particularly humorous because well, how can you learn to be assertive when you have a father reducing you to nothing at a moments notice and a sister who passed the beatings she got from our father on to me. She was an enabler to our father and is not a very kind person in her own right. When I was a teenager I noticed how she was a very poor listener. You could tell her something and hear her repeat some semblance of the conversation to someone else 5 minutes later and it would be 180 degrees out from what you said. This was also indicative of a lack of trust as you could never/can't ever tell her something in confidence. Something intriguing is how she has reacted to the relationships in my life. I never noticed it at the time but looking at all of my relationships she has tried to drive a wedge between me and my love interests. She is especially determined when it comes to the relationship between children from my first marriage (who are in their 30's) and subsequent relationships. Just recently she told my wife that my daughters had told her that they didn't like her and didn't consider her part of our family. She even told my wife not to tell me she said that. LOL. It's a constant challenge to keep up with the lies and manipulative behaviors my mother engages in. A couple of her other behaviors include claiming a genius level IQ and pretending in public to be very wealthy and comes from an aristocratic family .......... though she is very middle class and lived with 5 people in a two bedroom house as a child. Again, like my father, this is all just tip of the iceberg stuff.

Guess this is just mostly venting but would like to hear if anyone thinks my parents exhibited behaviors of any particular type of disorder(s).

thanks
Sybaris
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