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Extreme Disappointments?

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Extreme Disappointments?

Postby Fawnette » Mon Nov 19, 2018 5:25 pm

I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for here, but I guess I'm looking for some perspective from anyone who might be able to offer some? ^^; Maybe if anyone has had any similar experiences.

Firstly, I've posted here before but I'm making a new thread for something specific and new. I'm also not certain what I have, although it has been suspected I could be borderline, possibly bipolar, possibly autistic... and I have never received an official diagnosis because these issues were overlooked in my youth and for various reasons, it's too complicated right now for me to try and get a diagnosis.

I also realize that this is not the place to go for official diagnosis, all I'm doing here is looking for insights and I'm curious if other people could share their experiences and insights if they wish to. ^^;

Anyway... I guess I was wondering if people who are potentially on the autistic spectrum, or bipolar, or possibly borderline, have any problems with excessive fantasizing and fixating on one thing, concept or person to the exclusion of all else? I mean, to the point where it feels like life will truly not begin until this one "need" or desire or fantasy is fulfilled, even if it's an utterly ridiculous dream that has no basis in reality.

Perhaps there are too many obstacles in the way to make that dream come even close to becoming a reality, but maybe once the dream is latched onto, it's easy to delude oneself into believing that somehow, the obstacles will eventually melt away and that circumstances will ultimately line themselves up so that you'll at least get some variation that closely approximates what you want... and it's hard to unlatch from the idea, because the attachment to the fantasy is so strong and it's so much a part of your mind, heart and soul that you literally have nothing else to replace it with.

And then the logical part of your brain (and sometimes other people) can tell you any number of reasons why your fantasy will never become reality, anywhere from "That person just doesn't feel the same way you feel about them" to "You can't move to another country because you can't even support yourself financially where you are living now".

And yet... none of that seems to matter, to whatever is wrong with my brain chemistry or whatever. It has taken me a little over a year of being seperated from the source of my fancy to BEGIN to unlatch and wean myself off of certain ridiculous fantasies, and still I find myself with a lot of residual tendencies... almost like, there is something in my brain or system that gets like, "I *LOVE* this, so things are gonna go this way" almost like I get a set-in-stone idea or "plan" without even considering reality or even discussing it with anyone at all. And I also seem to have this deep-rooted thing in me where I am constantly half-expecting something to "just happen", like some kind of fairy tale or Willy Wonky or Prince Charming appearing out of the blue to select you and take you away from everything in your life that troubles you or makes you unhappy.

I'm not sure if part of this might be a female thing resulting from too many classic Disney movies and whatever, or... what. All I know is that in some ways, I don't seem to have the focus or the stamina to do the really hard stuff to get an education or career to aim toward a goal I want, and I also have a way of giving up on things way too easily when it's "not fun" or when it seems like I'm not going to get the end result I ultimately wanted when I started out on a path... i.e., if some guy is sweet on me, and urging me to get an education, I might start going through the motions because I'm hoping he'll give me more attention, not because I feel I will benefit from an education and not because I'm willing to put any real work or effort into it.

In the end... I don't know, maybe I am just an attention-whore with my head in the clouds who doesn't have the drive to do any real work because my reason or motivation for doing anything is not based upon anything in reality, so I and everyone around me who tried to support me and motivate me just end up frustrated and disappointed.

I dunno what the point of this is anymore, maybe I'm just wondering if anyone else here has had similar problems? Have you had any extreme problems with daydreaming and wanting a fantasy in your head to become reality, to the point where you might try to work toward it a little just to find it isn't happening, or you end up sitting around waiting for something to happen that will never happen?

Please let me know, if you want to. Thank you.
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Re: Extreme Disappointments?

Postby 1004937 » Tue Nov 20, 2018 1:53 pm

I would say
1. don't beat yourself up too much for this.
2. if it helps I once developed an extreme attraction to an asmr girl on utube no kidding. complete obsession to the point of blocking reality out (i was having a hard time).

i think we suck at living like normal competent adults. lol.
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Re: Extreme Disappointments?

Postby margharris » Tue Nov 20, 2018 10:40 pm

*mod edit* You base most of your thinking on your observing of reality. You then talk yourself out of much of what you want.
Like you say, I want this man in my life but then you say you can't have him because maybe you couldn't get someone like that. So there is this mismatch between what you want and what you believe you can have. Your wants and beliefs are not lining up for you. So your stuck in this reality of no momentum going anywhere.
It is quite a bit different to say..I want to go to uni and I know I will be able to do it. I want this man and I know I can get someone like that. I want to live abroad and I know it will be fun.
So checking yourself out of the life you want, by checking into your version of reality is robbing you of what you really want.
So fixing up how you think I feel would be where you need to go. Meditation would be a good fit for you. You are looking for more inspiration coming from within. You are looking for more belief in yourself that life does work out in the end.
Wish you well. Marg
Last edited by lilyfairy on Fri Nov 23, 2018 10:43 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Diagnosing others is strictly against the forum rules
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Re: Extreme Disappointments?

Postby RottenFish » Sat Dec 01, 2018 8:46 pm

I've lived through extreme disappointments, and have survived them all. I learned one thing though: that having high expectations can lead to huge disappointments.

1. I always wanted the perfect house. When I owned my home, it was always clean, organized, and beautiful. However, the maintenance and upkeep was exhausting and time-consuming. I learned the perfect house was emotionally and financially draining. Not worth it. Today, I'm very happy in my 1-bedroom apartment. It takes me only 1 hour to clean.

2. I always wanted the perfect body. I would go on extreme diets, go to the gym 4 hours everyday, and avoided all junk food. Everyone at the gym told me I had a great body. But soon, I realized all those hours at the gym deprived me from having a social life. Not worth it. Today, I am content with being at a healthy weight and exercising just 1 hour a day.

3. I always wanted the perfect man. Biggest disappointment of them all. No perfect human being exists. Humans are flawed in many ways. I dated guys who were near-perfect, but I was disappointed to learn how shallow and self-absorbed they were. As a result, I am now with a guy who makes me happy, and can satisfy me sexually and romantically.

Overall, I've learned that being happy is what's important. Being perfect does not make you happy.
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