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Sooo mixed up I don’t know where to go next

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Sooo mixed up I don’t know where to go next

Postby aqualucida » Sat Oct 27, 2018 11:46 pm

This is my story so far. I am 52 and at 13 my brother got knocked down and killed by a car on his way home from school at 10years old in 1979. Fast forward to now and even when I see the school I used to drop my son off, in my mind I think of my brothers name instantly instead of my sons.
I have been told that it is called transferance. I have been an alcoholic for most of my life. Taken drugs and mixed with the wrong crowd continually. I have been on anti phsychotics in the past along with lorazopram at the same time as a consequence of continuous pacing for hours at a time, coupled with self harm on numerous occasions.
I don’t currently have any contact with my son but I have always known how he has been doing. He is doing a degree in business studies at the moment.
Thing is, i don’t feel anything for him or anyone else at all. Nothing seems to register with me. I get bored with people’s emotions very quickly. None of this means anything to me whatsoever.
I can’t have a relationship with anybody no matter how much I yearn to have one.
I want to move on and have a normal life but this seems impossible to me at the moment. I feel lost and totally separated from the rest of humanity.
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Re: Sooo mixed up I don’t know where to go next

Postby Wally58 » Sat Nov 03, 2018 12:14 pm

I also drank and did drugs and hung with the bad crowd. I was unable to effectively seek help from doctors until had abstained from alcohol and drugs.
Doctors can't successfully treat you or give you effective medication if you are still actively drinking.
It takes time, but things did get better for me. I had to make peace with past trauma, clear my mind and move forward.
90% of my problems went away after I was able to stop drinking. I am able to work on the other 10% with a balanced and sober mind these days.
I will always have problems and make mistakes, but at least today they are real and I make reasonably good judgements and good decisions, instead of going with past drunken instincts.
I couldn't do it alone. Sharing my problems was the beginning of getting better. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your brother. Use his memory and presence to bring you the strength to recover. He would want this.
Best of luck to you. :D
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