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I need to vent

Postby anonymouswom » Sat Oct 27, 2018 3:53 pm

When I was 15-16 years old I started having OCD symptoms. I used to imagine many uncomfortable sexual situations in my head, for example: me having sex with kids, animals, corpses, etc. And everytime I imagined these situations I felt something in my vagina.
I began to worry about this and I thought I was attracted to children, corpses, and animals because I always felt that thing in my vagina while I was having those thoughts.
At some point I began to feel curious and I would imagine myself making out with children on purpose. Since I thought I was a pedophile, I thought that imagining myself making out with children would be a pleasant experience for me. So I began to imagine myself with children on purpose because I like having pleasant experiences.
Now, what people don't understand is: I'm not a pedophile. Just because I was confused about my sexuality doesn't mean that I'm attracted to children, just because I was curious about having experiences with children doesn't mean I'm a pedophile. A person can be curious about having anal sex but that doesn't mean he/she will enjoy it. Do you understand?
I feel like people hate me so much and they are uncapable to understand that being confused about your sexuality and curious about having different experiences doesn't mean anything.
I never in my life want to have any kind of relationship with anyone who thinks I'm a pedophile. It offends me and makes me angry af, I wish I could kill those people. So if you think I'm a pedophile, stay away from me.
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Re: I need to vent

Postby RottenFish » Fri Nov 30, 2018 3:39 am

I completely understand what you're going through. I have severe OCD and countless intrusive thoughts. I don't think you're a pedophile. Intrusive thoughts can be bothersome. All we can do is continue with life. Because crazy thoughts are a part of life.
Primary Dx: OCD
Secondary Dx: Bipolar

Meds: None. There are healthier ways to handle my mental health than to poison my body and mind with drugs.
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