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I don't understand why the world hates me

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I don't understand why the world hates me

Postby Ryan90 » Sat Sep 22, 2018 9:07 pm

I feel like my life is slowly being sucked into a black hole. Im 28 I have no friends Iv been stuck in a emotionally abusive relationship for too long now with a girl who Im not even in love with. I am simply with her because she gives me that interaction with people that I so much crave. I have always been polite and nice to people I have tried to help others and have never asked for anything in return. I have always been bullied and viewed as weak by other people, most of my past friendships have failed because they have shown to me that they are not true friends or backstabbed me. My mother from a young age mentally abused me and has treated me as the black sheep all of my life in my family once my father died when i was 10 years old thats when all my self confidence drained and my life took a downward spiral. My friends in the past have all now become really successful like dream job success some of them are famous now and I have to see it constantly on Instagram this only makes me feel more $#%^ about myself and hate them more.

I look at my life as a piece of $#%^ compared to theirs they are off travelling the world making loads of friends and money and I am stuck working some $#%^ job that I hate for minimum wage. All in all I don't really have anything left to live for I live in a rubbish city where everyone is egotistical and obsessed with Instagram culture.

I did have ambition for a good career that I was pursuing but now I realise that even if I do all of that work those famous people would have still achieved more than me in one year of there lives than I would have in 30 years of mine and earn twice as much as me and have wonderful social lives.

I just need friends or some intellectually capable people to break the cycle of mundane $#%^ everyday otherwise I will kill myself or plan to go missing and possibly disappear so i could start all over again.
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Re: I don't understand why the world hates me

Postby Squaredonutwheels » Sun Sep 30, 2018 6:04 pm

I've heard similar things before. It sounds like you're castrated male and you suffer from self hatred at your own weakness and the bitter envy makes you feel that the world owes it to you to help you in some way.

Get of your ass and do things that you enjoy. If you don't know what they are, start by trying things nonetheless.

The world doesn't hate you. The world doesn't care. But you can care for you if you want to stop being a baby about it.

If you have two arms and two legs and can write a post, there is work out there for you.
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Re: I don't understand why the world hates me

Postby Jewel1 » Mon Oct 01, 2018 8:36 pm

First of all I am sorry about your dad dying, if one of my parents died I would totally lose it even more. I was diagnosed and I was born with schizophrenia . I started really hearing voices when I was 5 years old. Then on and off at different ages. When I was 15 and a half I started experimenting with weed, smoking cigarettes, and drinking alcohol. When I got older I got worse. When I was 23 or 24 I started doing a drug called ice, and I have been hearing the voices every day and every way. I've been through every thing possible . Brain surgery, seeing different doctors, classes, and of course different medications. Their is one thing I am happy about. I do not see things. When I started hearing voices I got so scared I dropped a lot of my friends because to tell you the truth they were not real friends They had their own problems, kids, no job, and addicted to different things to. It was just so much gossip. Leaving in a small area did not help either. I did not want anyone to know that I was hearing these crazy voices in side my head. So it was 24 when I tried different drugs, crank, coke.,acid did that twice. . when I did ice, the voices all came back. I even had to go to mental hospitals starting at 15, and so on. About five years ago, I finally quit it all . No more smoking weed no ecstasy, which
I did like 5 or 6 times, it totally took my happiness away for a while, no drinking, no cigarettes, . My parents even put me in a group home for about a year. They scared me enough there to quit smoking cigarette, so I could live back home again. So sense I the voices would not go away, I started talking to GOD. Then I started talking to the voices in my head, hoeing that they would lessen, and maybe go away. I started be kind to them, then I started hearing voices of my friends that I used to be friends with, and if I reached out to a certain person, that they would answer me technopathy in my head. I would as they only questions that were private, and god kept talking through me to ease my pain. All of the bad voices that were in my head, at first I was nice to them, and then I couldn't take it anymore, so I started to fight back. I would picture I person with there voice, and I would hurt them in their head, I had to humble them , so they wouldn't abuse me any more. Since I talked to GOD often, to several times a day, more people reached out to me . Good, and bad. My dream since I was 15 I had so badly wanted to be a psychologist, I guess GOD, made it happen in the only way he could do it since my brain had gotten so messed up, and was trying to heal. I tried to find about how long ice stays in your system, and I found nothing about how long it would last, but since I smoked it on tinfoil, I figured it might stick on parts of the brain, or the whole brain. I wanted to die my whole life, and I think I am a good person, cause no matter drugged or not I really tried to do the good thing in life. I really think that SATAN, and his evil people put me on these drugs, to control me, and do what they wanted even when I was a little kid. I so I try not to talk back to these evil people, GOD keeps on telling me that my mission is almost over, and soon I will be going home. My birthday is oct. 20, so hopefully something exciting will happen for me. I try also to meditate, and sometimes I get as high as if im on a drug, or every drug that I used to do. I love GOD, and I know I don't know u yet, but GOD has helped me to reach out to people that have it rougher than me. So I've said my statement, it felt good to just tell the truth, and hopefully u well judge me in a good way. hope to hear from u soon jewels
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