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I don’t want to be alive because I hate myself. BDD

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I don’t want to be alive because I hate myself. BDD

Postby Lilsx » Fri Aug 10, 2018 1:33 am

So I was diagnosed with body dismorphia two years ago and was put on medication. I remember from a very young age I always felt different to everyone else. I was very quiet in school and hated social situations. In secondary school I dropped out in the first year as I couldn’t cope with it. I basically lived in my bedroom for years and wouldn’t leave the house and it all comes down to how I look. I have an obsession with my physical appearance. I feel disgusted every time I look in the mirror. There was a time where I wouldn’t let my own family see me. I’m extremely ugly and have the biggest nose, my nose has always been my main focus although I despise my whole face. I hate myself i feel worthless and have no hope. I don’t want to be here anymore. I sleep my life away because no matter what I do this problem does not go away. I feel ashamed and embarrassed. I look in the mirror and could cry. I suffer with bad depression and anxiety and have had counselling for it although it did not help me. I’ve been on antidepressants for years now and nothing seems to change. I don’t want to carry on. I don’t have any friendships because I don’t stay in contact or make the effort to meet up with anyone because of the way I feel. I am now 20 and have no job, no relationships and no social life. my life has been so effected and I don’t know what to do, I have thought about surgery but even then there is no guarantee and I would need so much done and definitely don’t have the funds. Please someone help me
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Re: I don’t want to be alive because I hate myself. BDD

Postby MelissaRose » Sat Aug 11, 2018 2:51 pm

BDD is a horrible disorder but try to remember that people with BDD usually look normal or their imperfections are much smaller than they think. I know it's hard to believe that when it looks so bad to you but it's true. I have BDD about my hair and my eyebrows. I believe that my hair sticks up no matter how long I spend fixing it and my eyebrows are abnormally thick and bushy. The thing is when I talk to other people they don't see anything wrong with my hair and sometimes people even compliment it's waviness and think I do it on purpose. People agree that my eyebrows are thick but they think they suit my face and wouldn't look right if they were thinner.

I've been through times where I've isolated myself and stayed in bed every day and having a routine helps me. Try to force yourself to get up at the same time every day and go to bed at the same time every night, even if you really don't feel like it. If you sleep all the time you'll feel like you don't achieve anything and your life is worthless, even though it's not.

If possible try to get back in contact with some of your friends. Meeting up with people might cause you anxiety but if they're your friends they shouldn't care what you look like. If you'd rather just talk online feel free to send me a private message. Isolating yourself is probably one of the worst things someone with BDD can do because it's really hard to get out of.

I know words can't really help much because it's all much easier said than done but I hope this helped at least a bit, even if it just makes you feel a bit less alone.

V
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Re: I don’t want to be alive because I hate myself. BDD

Postby Mtrgrrl » Sat Aug 11, 2018 11:17 pm

Hi. I want to help you. I'm going to send you a private message...
kiai
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Re: I don’t want to be alive because I hate myself. BDD

Postby margharris » Sun Aug 12, 2018 5:25 am

Please check out the BDD forum. It is in hiding under Somatoform. There is a lot more you can read there that might help you understand this BDD better. Wish you well. Marg
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