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(Urgent?) Need Help!!! Living by myself

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(Urgent?) Need Help!!! Living by myself

Postby redsenma » Fri Aug 03, 2018 5:19 am

Hello everyone. I really had nowhere else to turn as I am too ashamed to talk to my family members. Firstly, I turned 18 in january, and recently graduated highschool. Since feb. 28th I have been living by myself in my grandparents home as they had to travel to a different province for health related reasons. I had a myriad of issues but the biggest seems to be my PTSD and my severe depression. They have been gone for nearly six months now I believe. I've never ever been alone for this long and I havent been able to sleep right or eat much.

My issue is this: I am not taking care of the house or myself. At first I believed it was because i was busy and a bit lazy. But now its gone too far. I've left garbage on my kitchen floor for weeks--my dogs and animals keep defecating in the house regardless of how much I clean, and there is animal feces all over the floor. I know it's disgusting and I can't bear to be around it. I honestly thought it was because I was lazy, but there is no way I would let it get this bad from laziness. I really need help. I don't have many life skills due to my traumatic upbringing, and right now I am about to have a breakdown.

I've started cleaning but I've come across decayed food matter and literally maggots and grubs. I am so ashamed and disgusted I feel like dying. And I've seen these beetles around now. I know they aren't roaches. but i'm going to bring cockroaches and i already gave my grandparents an ant infestation for sure. I really have no idea how to start cleaning this without being overwhelmed and i can never tell them about this. Please don't comment on how disgusting it is, I just truly need help figuring out how to combat this in a way that I can handle. I only have so much energy and right now I'm just so upset because my familys dog peed on the floor and i can't sweep AND mop in the kitchen otherwise one of them is going to get very dirty. Please please help
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Re: (Urgent?) Need Help!!! Living by myself

Postby Wally58 » Fri Aug 03, 2018 7:50 am

It is overwhelming. I have been debilitated by depression before. I wasn't able to care for myself or my surroundings.
It wasn't me being 'lazy', I just could not make myself do things. My pets were my only company.
You have to make a decision to break out of this. Please ask for help. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
I had to know when I was in over my head and my life was a mess. Alone, by myself I could not fix me.
There is no shame in being depressed. It happens. I got help and I am OK now.
Is family close by? Start out by saying that something has gone wrong, then try to describe what you need to have happen. They should be able to understand.
Again, nothing to be ashamed of.
If not, try a local social helpline, crisis center, church or police. They know what to do and they help people in crisis as part of their everyday job.
Can someone else care for the pets?
Best of luck to you. :D
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Re: (Urgent?) Need Help!!! Living by myself

Postby cirkusrat » Fri Aug 03, 2018 9:26 pm

Hey.
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I don't know if my reply will in any way be useful. But I can't just leave your post after reading it without replying. So here you go.

You've already taken the first step: acknowledging that this is a problem, that it isn't because you are lazy, and that you can't get through this on your own. This alone is a big step and a reason to be proud of yourself for realizing and reaching out.

Next: you need help for this. Like another user asked: have you got any family members (or friends) close by that could help you or take care of the animals while this is being fixed? If not, would you be able to seek professional help for this? E.g. social/volunteer organisations, police, church etc., like Wally58 suggests?

Next question: Is there a washing machine at your grandparent's house? So you could wash the mop after cleaning the kitchen floor?

First off, it's important that you have someone come over to help you. Be it friends, family or professional people/cleaning service. Maybe (some of the) cleaning costs can be covered due to your mental condition, this of course depends on how circumstances/rules are in your country.

Though it may not have been as bad as the situation you're in right now, I've had some similar experiences due to my mental disorders, and I'm about two years older than you. Back in January, I was put into hospital for inpatient treatment since I could no longer take care of myself. Long story short: I had gotten so very inactive/passive and spent most of the day in bed. My kitchen table and sink were covered in dirty dishes, the floor in my apartment was covered in dirty clothes, things were arranged in bags everywhere, especially along the walls/in the corners. My floor was dirty, needing a vacuum cleaner and a mop or ten of those. The wall beneath my bed was dirty, covered in cocoa milk since I drank Cocio in bed and my glass/bottle would spill. Magazines/papers everywhere on the floor. Bathroom: floor covered in toilet paper which I used for drying my body after showers since I couldn't use towels. Was so hard to get it off the floor.

Towards the end of my hospitalization, I was given a social worker/mentor who would pick me up once a week for 2 hours. We would drive from the hospital to my apartment and clean up. And I tell you: I was SO embarassed the first couple of times but especially the first time I had to let her in my apartment. I felt so ashamed and like such a bad person. We started throwing things away, picking up the things covering the floor, eventually vacuum cleaning. Washing all those clothes that had never been washed and actually belonged in my closet which I didn't use back then. Getting rid of my old broken bed, buying a "new" sleeping couch at the thrift shop. It was a long process and saying we're all done would be lying. But I couldn't have done it myself. Ever. So my mesage to you: You need help. You DESERVE help. You deserve a better place to live. You deserve a better live.
I don't know if this helped at all. I'm just wishing you the very best and that you'll get help soon to get out of this hell you're in right now. Even though it seems impossible, stay strong. Keep on fighting. And, most importantly: reach out.
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Re: (Urgent?) Need Help!!! Living by myself

Postby redsenma » Sat Aug 04, 2018 9:24 am

Thank you for your responses. I am a bit more calm now though i am very scared. I keep seeing beetles, and I know they aren't cockroachess but i'm terrified that I might have attracted them. I have nobody to help me, I'm too ashamed and my grandparents are over 5000miles away. I just need to know how to deal with this situation by myself. I have a mop and bleach and if I could just get instructions I think I can slowly deal with it. All of it at once is overwhelming me. There is dog poop in living room and in kitchen. And there is filth everywhere in the kitchen. I do not know where to start. The poop is dried and is white from mold I think and I don't know how to get it off the ground. I'm so disgusted and ashamed of my self I want to die.
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Re: (Urgent?) Need Help!!! Living by myself

Postby xSid » Mon Aug 06, 2018 9:44 pm

I say, leave aside your mop and the bleach, you are clearly doing it wrong. Hire a lady to come and clean for you and call a company to get rid of the beatles and the roaches, get rid of the dogs that crap everywhere and, if you cannot keep the place clean and don't want to live like that, find a smaller place
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Re: (Urgent?) Need Help!!! Living by myself

Postby Wally58 » Mon Aug 06, 2018 10:15 pm

Be careful, bleach may damage some flooring and wood. You want to use a product that is safe.
Scrape the floor with a plastic spatula or similar tool. Warm soapy water should soften up poop and allow you to mop the floor. Dry with towels and do laundry.
Start with one room at a time. Can the dogs be moved outside, to the garage or the basement (with food, water and shelter)?
If this is 'too big' for you, please ask for help. Asking for help and realizing that something is too big for you is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Many churches are glad to send help to someone who is in dire trouble. Sometimes it is the only place to call when you are all alone with no money or hope.
Best of luck to you. :D
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