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Constant deja vu/feels like there's 2 realities.

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Constant deja vu/feels like there's 2 realities.

Postby s1nergy » Fri Jul 27, 2018 11:39 pm

Some background, im 16, and i tried LSD a number of 4 times (I realize this was completely irresponsible and idiotic of me to do, i understand this, i just want help now)

i'v only recently learned that my father was at one point diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. which means that it may have been passed to me...

The bad trips all seemed connected in a way that would seem as if i knew they would happen, i got really bad deja vu on my last 2 bad trips, and its like i could remember seeing them from the 1st bad trip, its like during the 1st, i had premonitions of these trips.

Now, every day, i live in a state of constant, unending deja vu, everything i hear, peoples conversations, random noises, the TV (despite having not seen whats on) even this whole post, it all feels repeated, as if im living in a loop, and ive seen it all on my 1st trip.

I constantly feel like the bad trips actually happened, and are still happening, its as if this whole reality is a delusion im having on LSD, and soon, ill wake up from that delusion, deep down, i know this cant be, but everyday it gets more confusing, it seems. Last night i took a walk with some friends, earlier on that day, i had a thought occur "Tonight's the night, somethings gonna happen." and well, something did. I was walking with my friends at like, 11:30PM down my road, and as we were walking, i had intense deja vu, everything they said sounded familiar, and as we were walking back, it only got worse, as we were walking, i had what i can only call like, a PTSD flashback of one of my bad trips, and it felt like it was actually happening, but i couldn't see it. I felt like i was reliving the trip, but, the bad part of it.

Its as if there's 2 realities, this one, and one where i went completely crazy after LSD, as if i'v done horrible things while on, and after LSD than i'm unaware of, because im in this reality.

I cant stop thinking about this, i know the key rule is to not think about it, but its hard when all of reality feels repeated, its hard when deja vu just, consumes every thought, every sound, every word, everything, i hate this $#%^ so much and i dont know what to do about it, i'm still unsure if this is just, side affects from the bad trips, or if everything that i experienced is true, and i hate the feeling. One one hand, im' struggling in this reality, on the other hand, i'm going insane and hurting the ones l love in another reality.

I really hope im not in psychosis and hallucinating everything, but i also hope i'm not actually getting psychosis, but i'm afraid it might be that, due to a family history of schizoaffective disorder i learned of a few weeks ago.

I'm just, so ######6 lost, i'm questioning my whole reality, im hoping to go to a psychiatrist sometime soon so i can get evaluated, i hope im not just overthinking everything, but this deja vu, its intrusive, and these thoughts of the 2nd reality are as well.

Im not asking for a diagnosis, im just looking for help.
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Re: Constant deja vu/feels like there's 2 realities.

Postby star dust » Tue Jul 31, 2018 5:13 pm

Look up hallucinogen persisting perception disorder. I don’t know if this is what you’re experiencing but certainly sounds like it.
I don’t know much about it but from what I’ve heard it sounds a little like ptsd except the major trauma is the trip, or in your case trips.

The effects of the lsd should ease off with time but you need to get yourself to that psychiatrist if it’s been a while since you last did it.
How long has it been?

You mentioned that you think you’re not supposed to think about it and I think that’s what’s adding fuel to the fire. I understand thinking about it is likely to make it worse therefore you should not think about it however, try not to see it as something you’re supposed to resist. I think this will make it worse. If it happens it happens. If you obsess about trying to not think about it it’s likely to make it even worse than if you just accept it and let it happen. It’s happening anyway so there’s no need to obsess about thinking about it. Try to keep yourself safe until you figure out what’s going on/see a psychiatrist/effects ease off.
The two realities you mentioned sound like they’re also flashback related. Flashbacks aren’t always visual. They can be feelings, perceptions, sensations etc.
And I don’t need to tell you this but DON’T DO ACID AGAIN. It obviously does not agree with you and if you have a genetic predisposition to schizoaffective disorder yes, it will increase your likelihood of developing it or some other condition with psychosis but that doesn’t necessarily mean you will. You’re young. Your brain is still developing. So stop messing with it. Acid is some mad sh*t.
Get to that psychiatrist. Good luck.
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Re: Constant deja vu/feels like there's 2 realities.

Postby s1nergy » Wed Aug 01, 2018 1:27 pm

Sometimes, actually this is happening in more often now, the things I hear on TV, YouTube, or the things that my family say sound like they're about me like, tripping out or being on LSD, they'd be conversing normally and something they'd say would sound directly about me like "Why would you do that?" Was in an unrelated conversation, and it felt like it was about me taking LSD, it's gotten really bad these last few days, and this has been going on since June 23rd. I'm almost convinced that this isn't real, and that the 2nd reality is reality, and soon I'll wake up in it...
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Re: Constant deja vu/feels like there's 2 realities.

Postby DaturaInnoxia » Wed Aug 01, 2018 5:30 pm

Go to a psychiatrist. If it is the onset of psychosis, early intervention is the best damage control.

I started using at 12, at 19 I had a drug induced psychotic break. Those 3 months were like I was living in a horror movie I couldn't escape or wake up from. I got clean in my early 20's; I used anything I could get my hands on.
I was initially hospitalized because i couldn't go home because I was convinced I was being framed for murder and there were dead bodies or dead animals in my closet - my fear was maybe I had done it.
None of that was real.
So then in the hospital I developed other delusions.

Around a year of being clean I started getting dejavu - I would get a sense I'd already experienced the present moment and it flashed forward into a premonition of me in a permanent insane asylum in lock up room rocking back and for on the floor indicating that I spend the rest of my life in torture and permanently insane.

Sometimes I'd be walking down the street and I'd get a thought saying similar to yours- "it's going to happen soon"
It terrorized me.

Eventually it gave a set date - when it didn't happen I decided it ###$ itself over.

When it happened after that i brought into mind it was wrong before thus fake. And my confidence built and over time it drifted away.

Almost a decade later once in a blue moon I get pseudo premonitions that I interpret as stress warning sign and that I have to take better care of myself.

I've never figured out what it was but I know I also have episodic dissociation to the point it may be a disorder.

They change my diagnosis regularly but they have thought I was schizoaffective before. More than once.

---------

My friend has that hallucinogen persisting perception disorder already mentioned - he doesn't talk much about it but I know he visually hallucinates a lot - don't know what else he experiences.

-----
Regardless going to a psychiatrist is extremely important.
Maybe antipsychotics for a while will help you get stabilized etc.
In the meantime anxiety and stress reduction,
proper sleep,
no drugs - even pot as the thc seems to trigger psychosis in those who are predisposed
Self soothing
Look up DBT distress tolerance

Let us know what the doctor says
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