Our partner

For the people who never had a friend

Open Discussions about how Mental Illness affects your life.
*****PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE POSTING HERE*****

When posting on Psychforums.com please try to pick the forum you think best fits your post. If your post would fit in a specialized forum (there are more than 100 forums here) then please post there rather than in the "Living With Mental Illness" forum. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter. Moderators could move your thread without notice if they feel it is fitting better into another forum.

The Mod Team

For the people who never had a friend

Postby anonymouswom » Mon Jul 02, 2018 9:13 pm

I am with you.
anonymouswom
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 15
Joined: Fri Jun 29, 2018 8:12 pm
Local time: Tue Jul 17, 2018 5:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: For the people who never had a friend

Postby 25blackguy » Mon Jul 02, 2018 11:49 pm

I'm looking for a friend, do you want to be friends?(Seriously) I'm 24, Male, love video games. Hbu? I think this generation is lonely honestly but we can change that.
25blackguy
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Jul 02, 2018 9:28 pm
Local time: Tue Jul 17, 2018 2:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: For the people who never had a friend

Postby star dust » Wed Jul 04, 2018 3:03 pm

I was just literally thinking I’m the only person on earth with no friends.
It hurts.
Hi fellow friendless people. I struggle so much with this. But most people I know who do have ‘friends’ have fake friends. I used to be friends with a group of people who just try to knock each other down all the time making out like it’s ‘banter’ or a joke, but it’s always too personal to be a joke. They all know that they mean it really, it’s almost like passive aggressive behaviour.
Jealous types. People who purposefully try to knock your confidence and bring you down and devalue you, especially if they see you doing well. They’ll try to take that away from you.
They enjoy trying to bring each other down, it’s all a competition. That’s not fun.
It’s just some extra people to pose with for a fake photo on Facebook. I’d rather be a loner than have people constantly trying to put me down and being told I’m too sensitive or need to learn to take a joke if I take it ‘personally.’ I like banter a lot, but there’s a difference between banter and genuinely trying to crush another’s self esteem.
Anyway. I’m just trying to make a point that many friendship groups are just purely fake and they don’t really care about one another at all.

Hi friendless people. Summer sucks being a loner doesn’t it.
User avatar
star dust
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 270
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2014 10:03 pm
Local time: Tue Jul 17, 2018 7:50 am
Blog: View Blog (24)

Re: For the people who never had a friend

Postby star dust » Wed Jul 04, 2018 3:14 pm

In fact, to add to what I just said. I think our culture is now more about ‘networking’ for selfish purposes than anything pure or real or true. We’ve become obsessed with how we appear. It matters more to us than real feelings and experiences. What matters more is others know and can see we had the experience. Who cares if you’re on holiday with company you despise, as long as you take lots of selfies. Stick a smile and a filter on it and it’s all good. It’s sad.

See I could have just said, hi. This is why I have no friends hahahahaha
User avatar
star dust
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 270
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2014 10:03 pm
Local time: Tue Jul 17, 2018 7:50 am
Blog: View Blog (24)

Re: For the people who never had a friend

Postby stormsandsea » Thu Jul 05, 2018 10:13 pm

star dust wrote:I was just literally thinking I’m the only person on earth with no friends.
It hurts.
Hi fellow friendless people. I struggle so much with this. But most people I know who do have ‘friends’ have fake friends. I used to be friends with a group of people who just try to knock each other down all the time making out like it’s ‘banter’ or a joke, but it’s always too personal to be a joke. They all know that they mean it really, it’s almost like passive aggressive behaviour.
Jealous types. People who purposefully try to knock your confidence and bring you down and devalue you, especially if they see you doing well. They’ll try to take that away from you.
They enjoy trying to bring each other down, it’s all a competition. That’s not fun.
It’s just some extra people to pose with for a fake photo on Facebook. I’d rather be a loner than have people constantly trying to put me down and being told I’m too sensitive or need to learn to take a joke if I take it ‘personally.’ I like banter a lot, but there’s a difference between banter and genuinely trying to crush another’s self esteem.
Anyway. I’m just trying to make a point that many friendship groups are just purely fake and they don’t really care about one another at all.

Hi friendless people. Summer sucks being a loner doesn’t it.


Hey, I feel exactly the same. About 4 years ago I had a lot of so called friends who in the end just dumped me when things started getting slightly difficult in my life. All they wanted to do was smoke and party and drink with me, when $#%^ got real and I asked for emotional support it was like they didn't see me as 'fun' enough. And our whole dynamic changed. I clearly misjudged the depth of our relationship and felt like we were closer than we actually were. It sucks because it's just so hard to find genuine friends nowadays who will be there through good times and bad, and not just want to hang with you to mess around and have fun. Like you said, it's worth being alone rather than around fake friends...I'm also learning that you need to look for real friends in better places. I'm never making friends with people who love to smoke, drinks, etc. again. I also want to start volunteering more to meet friends there.
stormsandsea
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Dec 08, 2017 4:22 am
Local time: Tue Jul 17, 2018 2:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: For the people who never had a friend

Postby KitMcDaydream » Mon Jul 16, 2018 10:33 am

I had friends but my experience was negative as the person I considered my 'best friend' turned out didn't consider me as theirs and I didn't realise until we had been friends over 20 years and I wasn't one of the first people they told that they were getting married (wouldn't your best friend be the FIRST person you told such good news to?)

When a family members partner also cheated on them after 20 yrs leaving them devastated I just lost faith and interest in people cos if you don't know someone after 20 yrs when do you know them? you don't expect those people to be the one's who hurt you most do you?

so I officially consider myself 'friendless' in regard to humans anyway...'if you want loyalty and unconditional love returned get a dog' is my new mantra! and 'Trust No-one' (actually I might have nicked that from the X-Files! :D ) In truth, the best friends I have ever had in my life who've always been there for me have been the dogs I've had throughout life.
KitMcDaydream
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Jun 25, 2018 1:24 pm
Local time: Tue Jul 17, 2018 7:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: For the people who never had a friend

Postby CanFrogsHaveBPD » Mon Jul 16, 2018 10:02 pm

I like the internet for this. Online friends satisfy my social needs as well, if not better than real life friends. I have more time to think about what I'm going to say, so I don't pause mid-sentence or say a poorly thought out sentence as much. Even online it's still a struggle however. I can talk to many tens of people and only find a handful I talk to more than a few hours, then out of tens of people I talk to for a few days or a week only a few of those will become long-term friends I can keep over the years. Usually I find one friend I like, then I stop putting in any effort in finding new ones because my social needs are satisfied, so I become dependent on that one friend and sometimes suffocate them with clinginess, but I've been controlling clinginess better since I almost lost my only friend because of it recently.
CanFrogsHaveBPD
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Jul 15, 2018 10:44 pm
Local time: Mon Jul 16, 2018 11:50 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: For the people who never had a friend

Postby ariaQuin » Tue Jul 17, 2018 4:13 am

star dust wrote:...I think our culture is now more about ‘networking’ for selfish purposes than anything pure or real or true. We’ve become obsessed with how we appear. It matters more to us than real feelings and experiences. What matters more is others know and can see we had the experience. Who cares if you’re on holiday with company you despise, as long as you take lots of selfies. Stick a smile and a filter on it and it’s all good. It’s sad...


This! :D

I've always considered my refusal to create a facebook account (and other socmed accounts) as one of the best decisions that I've made. It is extremely hard to find genuine people online. Nearly everything is a trade. Experiences lose their essence as they are seemingly reduced to being mere advertisements of idealizations and worth are often evaluated based on the number of likes.

With my identity and abandonment issues, my online invisibility significantly helped in managing my BPD. On the other hand, as a form of compromise, I kept the same mobile number since I first had my own phone. When I feel lonely, I just tell myself that should my "friends" really want to talk to me, they'll know how to reach me. True enough, I was able to find them and they were able to find me. My mobile number is more than a decade years old and the number of people I can significantly call friends can be easily counted. However, I just don't care. I'd rather be with a few people who really accept and support me (regradless of my current dominant 'personality') than go chasing after a high number but feel empty in the end.
ariaQuin
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2018 7:36 pm
Local time: Tue Jul 17, 2018 2:20 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Living With Mental Illness Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 63 guests