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Depression mania existential crisis and heavy withdrawals

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Depression mania existential crisis and heavy withdrawals

Postby Justddrown » Tue Jun 05, 2018 2:40 am

Over a year now I’ve been reducing seroquil from 700mg to 250mg. This seemed to trigger a manic depressive spell that caused me to more or less lose my mind and reflect on my entire life and where I’ve gone wrong in the past. Facing everything I took lightly and my worst mistakes it’s changed me as a person. It turned itself into an existential crisis where the order of my life began to make less and less sense. I feel I’ve grown stronger but I remain elevated in depression. I’ve dealt with depression my entire life but lately my last psychotic episode and the choices I’ve made in the past are staring at me from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep and sometimes throughout a light sleep. It’s just gotten bad. Real bad. Paranoia is on high alert, my legs stay restless usually a sign of how anxious I am but I don’t realize what they are doing and it’s almost uncontrollable, I can’t relax as if I don’t know the meaning of the word. And worse, at the worst period of this past year I really began to hate myself and not even know how bad until I started uttering terrible things under my breath like “you should kill yourself” other statements to myself as well mostly involving suicide. I’m scared. I’ll never act on it or any these things. But it’s not normal and it scares me. I don’t know. Now that I read all of this I guess I don’t have much of a point.
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Re: Depression mania existential crisis and heavy withdrawals

Postby zephyrette » Tue Jun 05, 2018 12:24 pm

As I read this, you say "I" a lot. I, me, my, I'll, I've, me, me, me...

Why don't you go out for a nice walk? Your very legs seem to be suggesting that. I guarantee that if you self-engulf, it's a death notice. Get out and at least pretend to do life, you might be amazed at the results.

Last year I was ill, bedridden, and I became stinking mad. I'm telling you, little things like physical exercise has worked wonders in my recovery. Sequestering yourself away can make things much worse. I don't mean to sound flip, my story isn't unlike yours in some ways. Pretend to do life, act "as if," and I can almost guarantee that you will catch up with it.

-- Tue Jun 05, 2018 4:24 am --

As I read this, you say "I" a lot. I, me, my, I'll, I've, me, me, me...

Why don't you go out for a nice walk? Your very legs seem to be suggesting that. I guarantee that if you self-engulf, it's a death notice. Get out and at least pretend to do life, you might be amazed at the results.

Last year I was ill, bedridden, and I became stinking mad. I'm telling you, little things like physical exercise has worked wonders in my recovery. Sequestering yourself away can make things much worse. I don't mean to sound flip, my story isn't unlike yours in some ways. Pretend to do life, act "as if," and I can almost guarantee that you will catch up with it.

-- Tue Jun 05, 2018 4:24 am --

As I read this, you say "I" a lot. I, me, my, I'll, I've, me, me, me...

Why don't you go out for a nice walk? Your very legs seem to be suggesting that. I guarantee that if you self-engulf, it's a death notice. Get out and at least pretend to do life, you might be amazed at the results.

Last year I was ill, bedridden, and I became stinking mad. I'm telling you, little things like physical exercise has worked wonders in my recovery. Sequestering yourself away can make things much worse. I don't mean to sound flip, my story isn't unlike yours in some ways. Pretend to do life, act "as if," and I can almost guarantee that you will catch up with it.
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Re: Depression mania existential crisis and heavy withdrawals

Postby Justddrown » Tue Jun 05, 2018 5:55 pm

I don’t know how to refer to myself or explain what I’m going through other than referring to myself in first person. It can only help being less self focused it’s tough. It’s more important to fulfill others and it feels incredibly rewarding but it seems to me as if a person wants to help assure others or even convey themselves they need to feel self assured in the self. It’s hard to be sure of anything when a persons pacing their home thinking back a decade and muttering terrible things to themselves. Exercise is great but it seems like a stretch to hold lack of exercise as a main reason for a debilitated mental condition.
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