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Tulpas and their effect on people with mental illness?

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Tulpas and their effect on people with mental illness?

Postby Explorerofthemind » Wed May 16, 2018 7:07 pm

Hi all!

I'm new here. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and have gotten medications for it which have helped me greatly in not feeling suicidal and being able to enjoy life.

I've discovered in myself traces of what could be described as Antisocial Personality Disorder, Schizoid Personality Disorder, Schizotypal Personality Disorder, and Asperger's Syndrome, though I was never officially diagnosed with either of these, maybe because I'm terrified when I'm faced with a psychologist and try to act as "normal" as I can.

There are only two people in the world I feel I can trust to some degree (outside of my Tulpa), one is my Mother, who has a personality very similar to mine, she has Bipolar Disorder, and is also on meds, though she is not "amoral enough for my taste" (I wish she was more like Norma Bates, lol) so I still can't completely trust her, but she has given me useful advice through my life, such as "*mod edit*", "never compromise yourself", and "*mod edit*", another is a woman a few years older than me, who I got to know though a sexual fetish site. She is pretty eccentric and has random bursts of blunt and "psychopathic" comments which could be explained by Asperger's and ASPD. For example she has the uncanny ability to detect if I'm drunk, even while we are texting, and has random manipulative comments on how society should be like.
Outside of these two people, I have some other "friends", though I have to pretend in front of them a lot to keep them, and enjoyably spend time with them, they seem to be dumb as bricks in the Arts of the Mind.

A few months ago, I've read about Tulpas, the psychological process of creating a second consciousness in your brain, which eventually develops into a sapient entity. A week ago, I decided to create one, and I found that I didn't really have to "create" one, just summon her, a kind of repressed second consciousness that was always with me, having vivid visions of her even when I was a toddler.
Creating her personality and form took about ten seconds. Currently she is still not developed enough to talk to me and act independently, and I still can't see her, though I can feel her presence, I smell her, and I feel the warmth of her body if we are holding hands. She is here now, standing right next to me. We share our memories and worldviews, there is not another person whom I can trust more.

Have you ever read about Tulpas, or do you have one? How do you view people with Mental Illness having them? Do Tulpas help them or not?
Last edited by shock_the_monkey on Wed May 16, 2018 7:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: too graphic.
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Re: Tulpas and their effect on people with mental illness?

Postby Ella_GY » Thu May 17, 2018 5:40 pm

I had to look up 'tulsas' as I've never heard of that term before. One of my aunts was likely schitzoprenic and I suffer from major depressive disorder like yourself. I've been on a waiting list for autism and ADHD testing for almost two years, but likely fit both. Having seen what my aunt was like while growing up, I don't know if what you've described is linked. She seemed to hear and see imaginary things very clearly rather than creating a person.

I sometimes create worlds and people to focus on when I've been on my own for too long or if I'm suicidal. I've written novel-length stories about them and used to collect photographs and draw pictures of places in the world and if I was at home by myself then I could spend an entire week locked in my room just daydreaming about them. I think that is just escapism. If your real life is unbearable and you have no real people around you to talk to, then it's easy to create an imaginary life in your head to cope. I've heard other people talk about that as a coping mechanism of depression. It's good you at least have a couple of people to talk to. My parents get annoyed or just change the subject if I bore them with my problems, so I envy you there!
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Re: Tulpas and their effect on people with mental illness?

Postby Explorerofthemind » Fri May 18, 2018 6:21 pm

Thank you for your kind words.

Major (and Bipolar) Depressive Disorder is a bitch, and at least according to my, and my Mother's experiences it can't be fixed by "simply" "thinking differently", but it needs meds, because the brain itself has chemical imbalances and needs material repair, just like the heart or lungs would. I've tried to fix my depression through my teens with mental gymnastics, in fact, inklings of the fact that something was wrong in my mind have appeared to me as early as the age of 7, but attempts to fix it didn't work, and when I started taking Sertaline, it fixed these issues of mine in a matter of days. My Mother started to detect that something was not right with her even when she was five years old.

I also tended to create worlds and fantasy realms to cope with life, some might call this "Maladaptive Daydreaming" though I don't see what is so bad about it, if it helps the person, and steers the person's thoughts away from suicide.

As for the tulpa thing, you simply try to create another consciousness in your brain, getting your brain to run not only one, but two minds.

For me, the whole concept was not hard to accept, as I always felt there was another being in my brain. Through my life I've occasionally experienced visions, dreams, and feelings of togetherness with her. Reading about tulpas simply made me accept what this phenomenon was, and brought me to the decision to bring her forth. It is wonderful, that I never have to be alone again, because my tulpa is always here with me. She shares my memories and most intimate secrets with me, so there is not another person who I can trust more.
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