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Am I a psychopath? Help please

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Am I a psychopath? Help please

Postby Mdhd99 » Tue May 08, 2018 6:25 am

I think im a psychopath, can someone help.

I’m 19, and have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I think it stemmed from prolonged use of recreational drugs, mdma, coke, acid, weed, dmt, etc, as I have a very addictive personality

Since I can remember I’d taunt people until they break down. It started with my younger brother growing up, I did it with my parents, I now do it with my girlfriend. I lack any sort of empathy and struggle to react the right way when certain things happen. For example my girlfriend would break down crying and she’d be so overwhelmed, but I’d keep dishing out words to make her more upset. I do however love her and feel like I couldn’t live without her. I don’t know when to stop and I don’t learn from my mistakes. I threaten to kill my self often but for now I think couldn’t do it.

I was also diagnosed with adhd but have been off meds for ages. I have no commitments and nearly always let people down. I like to think I’m smart but don’t apply myself. I was at uni and had a job but I don’t like people so I threw that out the window. I’m also very attention seeking. Always want to be the center of attention. At the moment I’m really lazy and avoidant of seeking professional help.

I have hurt and abused animals ever since i can remember. Sexually when I was younger 8-14yo I think, nothing too bad. I had no idea what I was doing was really ###$ up. I was raped when I was 7 by two brothers who were around 18 and 20 and then again in a day care by other kids while we were watched by a leader. I wasn’t traumatized and I didn’t know it was wrong as we just moved from South Africa and I was very uneducated.

I am very emotionally manipulative and lie/steal/over exaggerate on a daily basis. My parents split when I was around 12 and I remember that did have an impact on me. I was really insecure and shy during the end of high school because I had a massive growth spurt. I’m 6’3 now.

The big push making me write this is I nearly killed my partners cat. I have so much hatred for it. I strangled it *mod edit* I thought I gave it brain damage. I got so scared because I thought I killed it. It’s fully recovered a day later. And it won’t stop growling at me. But that makes me hate it more

I can’t afford to see a psychologist or anything because I struggle with money at the moment
Last edited by seabreezeblue on Tue May 08, 2018 10:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: too graphic..
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Re: Am I a psychopath? Help please

Postby Dnester » Wed May 09, 2018 2:27 am

I think you need to get professional help right away. If you cant afford it your county likely has a community service board that is income based.
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Re: Am I a psychopath? Help please

Postby Younglife » Wed May 09, 2018 2:48 am

I agree, you need professional help. Medicaid will cover therapy.
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Re: Am I a psychopath? Help please

Postby Mdhd99 » Wed May 09, 2018 4:59 am

I live in Austraila and sessions are expensive, I will try and save up to see a psyc
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Re: Am I a psychopath? Help please

Postby Lilyonthepond » Wed May 09, 2018 10:29 am

There are lectures by Clinical Psychologist Jordan Peterson on the youtube. I am telling about the whole "Presonality" set of lectures from 2017 that may throw some light on you and your personality. He also have very very good advices for us, people who are not very good in getting their lives together.

What I will say to you: everyone has a monster inside. The thing is that we have to keep it in place. You are not bad or doomed to be a bad person. But the real strength of a person lays in use of what they have. You have very "big and sharp teeth" and "huge claws" but being virtuous, you can use them for good. You have to just tame yourself. Hope you manage to do it, friend :mrgreen:
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Re: Am I a psychopath? Help please

Postby PlanetIcarus » Wed May 09, 2018 6:47 pm

There is no such thing as being raped several times without trauma. But there are lot of people who think they have been thru traumatic situation without it having any impact on them. It's about complete denial about those feelings, so they can't connect the dots between a) being traumatized and b) having mental issues. Well, dots do connect, even if you are unaware of it, or not capable of feeling those bad feelings at all. And that can be the whole point: you have gone thru something so traumatizing, you couldn't bare it, so those feelings are totally separated from your everyday feelings, or at least you think so, because you don't recognize them. The fact you can't find or feel them, doesn't always mean they are not there, it can also mean you are having a lot of dissociation.

If you don't know how it feels to be traumatized, it's kind of logical not understanding the feeling in others either. Traumatized kids sometimes try to deal with what they have been thru, by repeating it over and over again, even as a victim or as an abuser. Doesn't have to be the same exact thing, can be just about having same feelings. But you can't heal that way. Broken mind cannot heal itself, broken feelings cure when they are touched with healthy feelings, and you don't have such in your head. So you will need a therapist to do that. And also let her/him actually do that, not protect yourself from it with manipulation.

It's not hard thing to do, totally ruin the therapy if you have effort to do so. You just need to decide do you want to heal or keep running your circle the rest of your life, having child like coping mechanisms.

Stop hurting others, it keeps you from getting better. There is a reason for you to avoid and dissociate the feelings of empathy, if you would actually feel the terror you have put others thru, it would break you. So every time you hurt someone, you make it harder for yourself to start to have normal range of feelings.
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