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any tips on how to cope with this?

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any tips on how to cope with this?

Postby zenderoven » Mon Feb 26, 2018 9:49 pm

I frequently have thoughts of how things could have been if x or y hadn't happened in the past. About how better my life could have been if certain past events hadn't happened. It eats at me.
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Re: any tips on how to cope with this?

Postby Wally58 » Wed Feb 28, 2018 9:15 am

This is a great topic. After attending 12-step meetings and hearing what x and y did to other people, I feel lucky to have lived through my x and y and succeeded.
Hang around and listen to other people for support and a perspective on life. Their stories will give you strength and maybe give you some answers on how they were able to get through their despairing and painful moments.
("If you only knew...")
A rabbi once told me that if we were all able to put all our problems in a clear, plastic bag and hang them from a tree where we could see ours and other people's problems and have our choice over which baggie we could claim, we would probably want our own problems back.
For example, I've never lost a limb or did time in prison or was declared clinically dead because of what happened to me.
Meeting people who have had it worse than me will give me a perspective on my own issues. Many are no longer with us and can't tell us.
When I'm in my head, I can easily feel sorry for myself. I need to get out, open my mind and be with others in order to snap out of it.
Best of luck to you. :D
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Re: any tips on how to cope with this?

Postby Wally58 » Wed Feb 28, 2018 10:43 pm

P.S. - I am in no way trying to minimize what you have been through in your life. You just didn't offer any specifics as to what happened to hold you back or what you are going through now.
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Re: any tips on how to cope with this?

Postby quietgirl2538 » Thu Mar 01, 2018 3:35 pm

zenderoven wrote:I frequently have thoughts of how things could have been if x or y hadn't happened in the past. About how better my life could have been if certain past events hadn't happened. It eats at me.


I have been there for a while too at times. What I do is, think about the past and be honest with myself and picture how it could have been all wrong if everything was as you wish for it now. That you did the best you could under the circumstances. "Grow where you are" is a saying that I repeat to myself when I start having regretful thoughts. I know it's hard. As it is hard for me. Even with all this self-help stuff, it's hard to get it out of your head at times. A day at a time, a moment at a time, is what you need to concentrate on. Be easy on yourself because you are only human.
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

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Re: any tips on how to cope with this?

Postby ClevelandRocks » Sun Mar 04, 2018 2:49 pm

Cliches come in handy, no matter how corny. May I humbly suggest: Let it go, move on, let it be and don't dwell. Be still and trust and know the world is still spinning and things are unfolding as they should. What works for me is to get busy! Also, listen to inspiring songs like LET IT GO from FROZEN. Hang in there, and take care of yourself. Be well.
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Re: any tips on how to cope with this?

Postby naps » Tue Mar 06, 2018 1:27 pm

zenderoven wrote:I frequently have thoughts of how things could have been if x or y hadn't happened in the past. About how better my life could have been if certain past events hadn't happened. It eats at me.


You could look at it in reverse; how much worse your life would be if certain things had (or hadn't) happened.

Inventory the good things you have in your life and consider that you might not have them if you had made different choices in the past.
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Re: any tips on how to cope with this?

Postby quietgirl2538 » Tue Mar 06, 2018 5:29 pm

naps wrote:
zenderoven wrote:I frequently have thoughts of how things could have been if x or y hadn't happened in the past. About how better my life could have been if certain past events hadn't happened. It eats at me.


You could look at it in reverse; how much worse your life would be if certain things had (or hadn't) happened.

Inventory the good things you have in your life and consider that you might not have them if you had made different choices in the past.


@naps, True!
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

Dx: Bipolar I and ADD
Lamictal 300mg
Wellbutrin XL 300mg
Vraylar 6 mg
diazepam p.r.n 10 mg twice a day
Elavil (Amitriptylin) 20mg for insomnia
Methylphenidate (Ritalin) 10mg

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Re: any tips on how to cope with this?

Postby xSid » Wed Mar 07, 2018 11:16 pm

zenderoven wrote:I frequently have thoughts of how things could have been if x or y hadn't happened in the past. About how better my life could have been if certain past events hadn't happened. It eats at me.


The way I see things, if x or y hadn't happen, I wouldn't be the same person I now. I would have different experiences and different perception of things. I could very well have morphed to a person that could not perceive their life as "better"

You cannot change the past and you just have to deal with it. You miss out your present thinking about the impossible and it's a waste of your time. No reason to look back in 10 years from now and think "my life would have been so much better if I was not obsessing about past events
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