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I can't realize my age

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I can't realize my age

Postby sohaib1991 » Tue Feb 20, 2018 12:59 am

Hello,
first I am sorry for my bad English, a lot of things I don't know how to say in english
anyway
I have 27 years old but when I meet people I find myself acting like a shy kid
honestly I hope I am a kid, I know all hope to back to childhood but when I stay alone I don't stop playing
I may play by everything
when my family see something is put in a strange way they immediately know that me who did that
in work all noticed the strange screen saver in my computer
but I left my job in less than a year without any specific reason
just because I get tired from work
I am now unemployed and I can't commit any job due to the routine
honestly I love the child-like vision of life that I have and I am proud of it but others see it in other way
I see that leaving childhood dream is very painful and depressing
I was saying childhood dreams is the thing that I will never leave in my life and there is no reason of life without it
but I don't know
in school and in work the others always see me weird and they always make fun of me
that is very painful for me
I spend my life looking for what is strange about me and why me
its very hard for me to find friends and it is very painful when my friends no more wants to do funny things that usually we do together
my friends leaves me one by one
now I am alone
and I have never had a girlfriend before
I have a lot of difficulties in my life
I have searched extremely in psychology and I read much subjects to understand myself and I have discovered a lot of problems that I thought its the cause and I read a lot of subjects about personality types to understand the kind of friends I am looking for but without result
recently I discovered that the childhood that I am stuck by is the answer
but I don't know
for me the life is worthless without childhood dreams
I lived my childhood alone, my father was depriving me from toys and games, wanting from me to grow
he always criticize the way my mother treat me
I have grown up between the walls of our small house without TV nor toys nor brothers nor friends
but I have never felt boring because I was living in my wide imagination various stories and adventures
I may spend the whole day walking around my room absent-minded without boredom
i'm still so far likes this adventures I living in my imagination and that negatively affect my focus
i'm not ready to leave my childhood dreams I still love playing and hope trying lot of things, hope owning a cat and love drinking chocolate milk and love running and jumping instead of boring quietly walking
I hate people who changes their habits and mindset because they are grown
honestly I was despising people who accepts boring jobs and stop dreaming and acting like everybody considering that they are grown
but now I see that I was probably wrong all the time
and what made me writing this topic is that I can't adapt with people of my age and when I see someone in my length he looks for me very tall and older, I can't standing straight and trusting myself
I seem to find myself treated as a kid from whose younger than me and I began to know there something wrong
I find myself serving others like a kid
I don't have any childhood memories and I don't feel that I have lived my childhood and its very painful to see my years ends very quickly
I feel no room for me in this world and all my life was wrong
is there anything beautiful in adult life?
is it possible to grow up my mind without having experienced a lot life experiences?
first of all, should I grow up my mindset?
I don't know what exactly I want but i feel very bad
there a lot of things that I want to say but I don't want to make this topic more longer
thanks for all
sohaib1991
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Re: I can't realize my age

Postby Holodeck » Thu Feb 22, 2018 3:15 pm

I think a cognitive behavioral psychologist may be your best bet here. You have most of your issues due to not being allowed to be a kid, and you need to figure out how you can feel good while "acting like an adult." People can still have fun as adults, but I think you need to take a step by step approach. I get how it can be quite overwhelming even if you don't have regressive tendencies. CBT therapy is great for that. <3

Good luck!
Holodeck
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