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Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby abstractinfinity1 » Tue May 01, 2018 12:24 pm

quietgirl2538 wrote:Hi abstractinfinity1,
Have you ever done a test for ADD, without the hyperactivity in there?


*mod edit*

This one says I have a score of 12 =
Inattention Subscale: 5
Hyperactivity/Impulsivity Subscale: 7

Says that 0-11 means no symptoms. 34 and up means Adult ADHD. If I had taken this test before my problems started, I'd have scored a 8.

The only one question that I could identify with was this: "How often do you avoid, dislike, or are reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort or thought?"

I do have an extreme reluctance to this. I did not have this before my emotional dysregulation problems started around age *30*. A person only qualifies for ADD or ADHD if they had the symptoms in childhood too. I did not have this in childhood and it is one single symptom.

I hope I am clear enough.


One thing that makes me wonder further is... the test had a question: "How often do find yourself talking excessively?" My answer was "rarely". But I remembered that when my emotional dysregulation issue started (very much out of the blue, sudden start), I had a need to talk talk talk all day to the guy I was dating. I was talking pretty much nonsense but I just kept talking. I don't know why. It's so unusual of me. It stopped after a few weeks when I went through a bad episode (I do not want to go into details on this) and then I was just trying to recover and I was back to normal self for a while, though fighting anxiety left over from the episode. Anyway, I never had the excessive talking thingy after these episodes disappeared as my symptoms in general got better. But it caught my attention now.

So I am thinking that my issue with starting stuff that requires much mental effort and this issue with talking excessively are all SOMEHOW linked to emotional dysregulation. While ADD/ADHD isn't about emotional dysregulation, it's a symptom of the executive dysfunction they have. I do have an executive dsysfunction too so that's where I share stuff with them... I wish I knew what kind of dysfunction I have exactly.

I just know that once I go through the emotion block I have by default, and immersed myself into the strong negative $#%^ and released some emotionality, I'm able to start ok on these tasks. But it's so hard to get there. Until then my working memory is just SHOT. I can focus on simpler tasks that do not require much working memory (executive function), but anything stretching it is painful to my head... god, it gets so painful I have to stop fast. I mean I had this coming out lately. This painful reaction. I'm not sure I can claim I solved all my focus issues if it gets this painful. I did solve some of them though...

Also... I got more aware lately of some emotions etc, and right now too I have some really weird pressure internally that I notice as partially emotional if I try to focus on it. I do not know what to do with it but it's a big part of the reason why I'm unable to start on mentally effortful tasks. It just pressures me towards something else. I do not know what it is. I do not know what I am looking for. If it's even an internal thing I am looking for or anything else. I do not know why it makes mentally effortful tasks hard initially, until I settle into them.

(When I do settle into them finally, I'm my old self, I'm able to work hard and long and with a strong detail-oriented focus).


I was a straight A student, did great at sports, was never late to any appointment. But it's so hard to explain in a few sentences the "why" I strongly suspect ADD. I fit every question or at least almost every question of the diagnosis. What I tend to do is over compensate and there lies the problem. I am currently taking Tenex and am going up in dosage today. I liked Strattera, but it made me sweat way too much. I had to stop taking it.


Yeah no, I don't fit the questions and I don't relate to having to compensate for daily life stuff or whatever. I have read about this before that ADD/ADHD people have to compensate for their inattention issues.

Are you at all familiar with this internal pressure I describe above?
Last edited by quietgirl2538 on Tue May 01, 2018 4:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby quietgirl2538 » Tue May 01, 2018 4:43 pm

The internal pressure you describe sounds like me being slightly low in mood alongside the "possible" ADD diagnosis. I took Strattera and I felt great, now I'm on something else and I wonder if it's because it's not working just yet. My attention is lacking so bad. And I was feeling great before this change. I feel that internal pressure right now. I have much to do and zero motivation to do it. :|
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby Holodeck » Tue May 01, 2018 5:22 pm

abstractinfinity1 wrote:What's such a major crash like if you can describe?


Bipolar shifts from highs or lows so I'll be full of much more energy I should have and have no energy to move another day. There's a whole spectrums of mood disorders though so I'm not sure how much it affects others.

As for ADHD added to it, that means I have constant racing thoughts (on top of my BP1 racing thoughts). This causes extra mental exhaustion. It would put me in a low mood pretty easily too since I couldn't focus. Made for very few times where I could find motivation at all.

quietgirl2538 wrote:Holodeck, I have dry mouth from my med I take for insomnia. I hate it but you need to drink water throughout the day is what the dental hygienist told me. I don't remember why but you can ask the next time you go for a dental cleaning and they'll tell you there.


Yeah, I'm not annoyed by it at all honestly. I rarely drink anything but water so it's not much of a change. Plus this way I can make sure I'm hydrated. :P

quietgirl2538 wrote:The internal pressure you describe sounds like me being slightly low in mood alongside the "possible" ADD diagnosis. I took Strattera and I felt great, now I'm on something else and I wonder if it's because it's not working just yet. My attention is lacking so bad. And I was feeling great before this change. I feel that internal pressure right now. I have much to do and zero motivation to do it. :|


Hope you get the right meds for you soon quietgirl2538. That must be so disheartening. :(

I agree though that it sounds more like ADD than ADHD also that the internal pressure is there for me in the same low mood + my ADHD like I described before. I doubt it's full on ADHD but yeah sounds a lot like ADD abstractinfinity1.
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby abstractinfinity1 » Wed May 02, 2018 2:38 am

quietgirl2538 wrote:The internal pressure you describe sounds like me being slightly low in mood alongside the "possible" ADD diagnosis. I took Strattera and I felt great, now I'm on something else and I wonder if it's because it's not working just yet. My attention is lacking so bad. And I was feeling great before this change. I feel that internal pressure right now. I have much to do and zero motivation to do it. :|


I'm sorry :/ Any chance the sweating on Strattera could be dealt with somehow?

As for me. It's not a low mood. It's an emotion thing. I find it helps if I vent it out by talking about my people issues. I can't really identify what emotion it is because I'm still too alexithymic for that.

How do you release the internal pressure you have? And why do you have it, what is it about?

For some reason I never noticed it before, only lately.


Holodeck wrote:
abstractinfinity1 wrote:What's such a major crash like if you can describe?


Bipolar shifts from highs or lows so I'll be full of much more energy I should have and have no energy to move another day. There's a whole spectrums of mood disorders though so I'm not sure how much it affects others.

As for ADHD added to it, that means I have constant racing thoughts (on top of my BP1 racing thoughts). This causes extra mental exhaustion. It would put me in a low mood pretty easily too since I couldn't focus. Made for very few times where I could find motivation at all.


Thanks, ok, I don't have any of this. I don't really like racing thoughts anyway. I had them years ago for a few months when I did have bad bipolar-ish episodes and not sleeping. But then I fixed the issue that I was having the racing thoughts about. It was basically me having messed up thoughts about a problem. Long story. I just fixed the way of thinking.


Holodeck wrote:I agree though that it sounds more like ADD than ADHD also that the internal pressure is there for me in the same low mood + my ADHD like I described before. I doubt it's full on ADHD but yeah sounds a lot like ADD abstractinfinity1.


IDK if we are talking about the same pressure. It doesn't come with a low mood for me. It can feel like a positive emotional charge even. God knows what it is.

ADD for me that started at age 34 where I only have one symptom from the list? No doctor's gonna diagnose me with that. :oops:


BTW, I did start on work a bit this evening. I felt the pain in my body for the first half an hour, this was way worse than ever before because previously I could afford to wait and work through negativity and thus let the pain drain out of my system. But now I can't afford to wait. I feel like I'm in a worse state overall, less willpower is available than previously, starting to feel burned out, and my emotionality has gone too underground so it's harder to pull it out and work through it to be able to easily start work.

But after the painful first half an hour, I was okay. It wasn't a very hard part of the project though, I dread the next part, that will probably be not just pain in the body (after powering down after taking a rest from work), but mental pain too. :? But I have to finish this fast.
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby quietgirl2538 » Thu May 03, 2018 2:33 pm

I'm sorry :/ Any chance the sweating on Strattera could be dealt with somehow?


I tried for weeks and it was so bad I couldn't stand the heat within my body anymore.

How do you release the internal pressure you have? And why do you have it, what is it about?


I feel it's because I become so overwhelmed that it feels like too much to handle and I seem to shut down mentally and everything seems so hard.

But after the painful first half an hour, I was okay. It wasn't a very hard part of the project though, I dread the next part, that will probably be not just pain in the body (after powering down after taking a rest from work), but mental pain too. :? But I have to finish this fast.


I understand the mental pain. When low in mood and tiredness from not very good sleep, I defintely feel barely able to function. For me it has a lot to do with mood swings and at that time, I find myself in a low mood (for no real reason at all) and it affects how I view everything. It all becomes so hard to do.
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby abstractinfinity1 » Sun May 06, 2018 8:25 am

quietgirl2538 wrote:
I'm sorry :/ Any chance the sweating on Strattera could be dealt with somehow?


I tried for weeks and it was so bad I couldn't stand the heat within my body anymore.


Ah, ok...


How do you release the internal pressure you have? And why do you have it, what is it about?


I feel it's because I become so overwhelmed that it feels like too much to handle and I seem to shut down mentally and everything seems so hard.


So this is the stuff you are thinking while you feel the pressure? I think I have it when I (subconsciously) get to think about people stuff (issues with them), not when I think about what to do. Emotionally it feels like both a positive and a negative charge. Last time I had this internal pressure, it went away when I managed to rant a little bit about some details of the people issues on some online forum's chat. I talked about them an indirect way, it wasn't even a psychology chat.

I don't know if that makes sense...? But I'm convinced that if I had no issues with people, I'd not have pain and my focus for work would also be always great... not just when I'm sometimes able to work. I just do not understand what exactly to do about it. I mean the issues aren't gonna get solved magically. So looking for something to manage it effectively so I can work. Because if I can work and otherwise function by doing everything I want to get done, and get to where I want career-wise, etc, then I would not even have time to care about people's crap. But it's hard to make the pass over to focusing on work/my plans (financial, career, etc, anything but not people!) if that makes sense. And because I do not see how to make this pass over to switching what I pay attention to (=attention not on people but other things), I get to feel extra negative.

I just need to see how to do that.


But after the painful first half an hour, I was okay. It wasn't a very hard part of the project though, I dread the next part, that will probably be not just pain in the body (after powering down after taking a rest from work), but mental pain too. :? But I have to finish this fast.


I understand the mental pain. When low in mood and tiredness from not very good sleep, I defintely feel barely able to function. For me it has a lot to do with mood swings and at that time, I find myself in a low mood (for no real reason at all) and it affects how I view everything. It all becomes so hard to do.


I figured since then that it must just be me having got too feely sensitive due to some people/relationship related issues. I am trying to go back to insensitive so that I won't feel pain over it, either physical or mental, when I leave my "cocoon" and especially when I have to make an effort for something. Just trying to figure out how to do that, to not care so much, I want to be insensitive again, not totally insensitive but enough insensitive to not get bothered by stupid crap from people.

So I understand you, because when I feel the pain or other negative mood linked to it, it does feel hard to do some things. It fluctuates, sometimes even getting up from the chair is incredibly hard, sometimes I'm ok with working for long hours on complex material. Yesterday I couldn't work (couldn't for almost 2 days) and went to lie down a bit, and then I felt like I not only couldn't get up but I also felt like I don't ever want to. I was satisfied with just lying in bed all day (sometimes eat but otherwise lie in bed). I always have to try and work through it every time I feel $#%^ or vegetating like this. I'm getting really fed up of having to do this all the time. It all started along with my focus issues actually, I think. End of last summer. Before I started posting on this thread.

For your low mood, if you think of what meaning you see in your life, does it help? Or at least if you think of what you can still enjoy?

For me, that's the two things that I try to find when I get like this.

(The caveat is just that for the meaning I see in my life I have to be able to make that pass back to focusing on work stuff rather than people stuff. But I at least usually get to find something I can enjoy still.)
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby abstractinfinity1 » Sun May 06, 2018 8:58 am

TL;DR I need to re-learn to not give two ###$ about people's $#%^, just for that I need to see why I do not need to give the two ###$.

PS: If this is too much bad wording, feel free to let me know and I'll stop talking in this way, I'm just emphasizing how pissed off I am right now about certain people's behaviour towards me
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby quietgirl2538 » Mon May 07, 2018 3:23 pm

abstractinfinity1 wrote:TL;DR I need to re-learn to not give two ###$ about people's $#%^, just for that I need to see why I do not need to give the two ###$.

PS: If this is too much bad wording, feel free to let me know and I'll stop talking in this way, I'm just emphasizing how pissed off I am right now about certain people's behaviour towards me


About the bad wording, I fixed it. :wink: You can type it all you want or rather, you can say it all you want, so long as the swear filter catches it, you're fine. :D

For your low mood, if you think of what meaning you see in your life, does it help? Or at least if you think of what you can still enjoy?


My low mood, for the most part has to do with my stupid brain, my bipolar disorder. Other times, it's just me and how life really is bleak, or something along those lines. I too, can be even more so sensitive than anyone I know. But then I can talk myself out of it at times too. I do, btw, see a therapist and she has helped me, on a personal level, to be better about how I view myself and literally not give a ###$ about others opinions. I have literally told my brother, "I wasn't asking your opinion. I feel my decision was a good one, that's all that matters to me."
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby abstractinfinity1 » Mon May 07, 2018 8:40 pm

quietgirl2538 wrote:
abstractinfinity1 wrote:TL;DR I need to re-learn to not give two ###$ about people's $#%^, just for that I need to see why I do not need to give the two ###$.

PS: If this is too much bad wording, feel free to let me know and I'll stop talking in this way, I'm just emphasizing how pissed off I am right now about certain people's behaviour towards me


About the bad wording, I fixed it. :wink: You can type it all you want or rather, you can say it all you want, so long as the swear filter catches it, you're fine. :D


OK lol


For your low mood, if you think of what meaning you see in your life, does it help? Or at least if you think of what you can still enjoy?


My low mood, for the most part has to do with my stupid brain, my bipolar disorder. Other times, it's just me and how life really is bleak, or something along those lines. I too, can be even more so sensitive than anyone I know. But then I can talk myself out of it at times too. I do, btw, see a therapist and she has helped me, on a personal level, to be better about how I view myself and literally not give a ###$ about others opinions. I have literally told my brother, "I wasn't asking your opinion. I feel my decision was a good one, that's all that matters to me."


Sounds like a good therapist! The ones I went to just tried to make me sink into feelings more :? So yeah glad you are getting results there. As for the part of seeing life as bleak, I hope you can find some meaning to it. I'm sure it'd help too. I do think it would make your low moods go away more. My problem is more like I do see what I care about and what has meaning but I feel my issue with energy/focus gets in the way and my emotional dysregulation. So in this way I lack meaning too. But I also find meaning in the struggle and especially in the emotional dysregulation as weird as that sounds - it feels like my brain and mind is trying to get somewhere with it. I hope I get there one day.
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby quietgirl2538 » Wed May 09, 2018 8:54 pm

My problem is more like I do see what I care about and what has meaning but I feel my issue with energy/focus gets in the way and my emotional dysregulation. So in this way I lack meaning too. But I also find meaning in the struggle and especially in the emotional dysregulation as weird as that sounds - it feels like my brain and mind is trying to get somewhere with it. I hope I get there one day.


I hope you find answers and solutions. Keep at it. Keep trying to find help/solutions.
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