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Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby abstractinfinity1 » Sat Apr 07, 2018 9:30 pm

My focus issues are fine, fixed those like I said, I worked more than ever before, but more chaotic than ever, I stayed up for ~60 hours with ~2.5 hours of light nap total (that is, nap twice, totalling that much). I'm getting sick, and my personal issues that get in the way got even worse for me. I'm losing all control and it's getting worse. Definitely downhill
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby abstractinfinity1 » Sun Apr 08, 2018 12:08 am

I mean I stayed up 60 hours trying to work (I mean, I did work fine, just a bit slow towards the end), after another 36 hours of up working, because I couldn't make myself start for a few days before that and the deadlines were getting bad.

At that point of course I quit the SSRI that I tried that made me even less motivated and with even less ability to start working...
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby Holodeck » Sat Apr 28, 2018 5:05 pm

Figured I'd report in since I'm now on ADHD meds (Adderall). Seems like it's fixed my issues with tasks. It's only been a few days though mind you.
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby abstractinfinity1 » Sun Apr 29, 2018 5:18 pm

Holodeck wrote:Figured I'd report in since I'm now on ADHD meds (Adderall). Seems like it's fixed my issues with tasks. It's only been a few days though mind you.


Hey. Nice, I'm really glad to hear that.

So I'm curious, can you please describe in as much detail as possible (if this is okay for you) as to what changed with the Adderall?
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby abstractinfinity1 » Sun Apr 29, 2018 5:29 pm

As for the SSRI I was taking. It's possible an incident with "best friend" is what made me go so unmotivated and not the SSRI. I'm not sure. I did feel quite indifferent and extra-numbed so I think the SSRI was giving me that. As soon as I stopped taking it, and it emptied out of my system, I started getting back my normal self - though still had motivation issues for starting those tasks, it was not as crazy as when I was on the SSRI.

I will try a combo of SSRI + Wellbutrin soon though. I tried Wellbutrin before and it was great for motivation but it made me open to interactions in a way I was not before, meaning that once a negative influence from people arrived, it shut down the motivation again and Wellbutrin did nothing from then on. SSRI blunts some reactions so I'd be curious to see if these two work together. Very speculative of course, I'm just willing to try anything.


So as for how I am now... I am ok with focus and whatever, I figured out that I reacted with trauma to a very bad happening last year and so I had cPTSD-like emotional flashbacks, though very primitive and nonverbal and I didn't even recognize them as emotion at first. (I am alexithymic, so that's why I didn't recognize the emotions as emotion at all.) But those were what mainly got in the way of focus for me. Or in general, emotional dysregulation increased for me and that's what got in the way, sometimes in the form of these nonverbal flashbacks and sometimes in the form of more insidious dysregulation where emotional states would still get in the way of focus in other forms, rather than in the form of acute flashbacks, and of course without me noticing.

But now I feel less dysregulated emotionally. I got past some very bad experiences with people finally. No not all of it I think but I restored some of the balance emotionally and so there is less dysregulation. My problem now is more about how I find it's simply tiring mentally to work on certain projects. Some other projects are not as tiring, so for those I only have the issue of having to start, for which I do still have to work through an emotional block at first, then when the negative emotions finally come out (still alexithymic!), I have to work through those too, by putting together the picture of what the issue is and reasoning for a solution. Once I got to see at least some step for a solution for these life issues (it's about people related matters btw), and released some emotionality (I have to get lucky to finally get to this point eventually), I'm relieved and after a little rest from how exhausting all that is I'm able to start working normal.

But right now, I'm not sure if I have an emotional block or I simply worked too much with too many skipped nights lately or what's causing my feeling mentally tired when I try to work on this project in front of me... I just truly feel tired. Like I have to do some really hard work. I can focus ok otherwise but I get too tired after 5 minutes of working on the writing I'm supposed to do. It requires quite the brain power for sure, but when I'm ok I'm able to work fine on such projects. Not ok right now. And then I feel like lying down or just talking to some people about things that require less brain power to deal with.

Any suggestions for this one? (Other than telling me to sleep or eat or drink, lol, this issue isn't physical like that.)
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby abstractinfinity1 » Sun Apr 29, 2018 6:04 pm

Oh and when I say "emotional block" I mean my brain puts a block on so the emotions are inaccessible behind it. They are negative emotional reactions to certain situations.
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby Holodeck » Sun Apr 29, 2018 9:36 pm

I was originally diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder, so I definitely have problems putting emotions to the forefront. I too have cPTSD (which is from where I believe my SPD stems). On top of that and ADHD, I have rapid cycling bipolar I (comes with compulsive behavior and rapid thoughts) and OCD with intrusive thoughts that are mostly related to my cPTSD.

I'mma hodgepodge of a mess.

The ADHD meds calm my thoughts. Folks without ADHD will basically become overly energetic. It's best to get a test done first and do some research before deciding it's the only answer. Basically ADHD folks don't have the same amount of dopamine hitting the part of the brain that focuses on tasks. Adderall is a stimulant that forces dopamine to raise it to normal levels. Since ADHD people originally don't have that level, they don't get high off the drug. It's highly addictive so you want to be sure you have it first.

The changes for me is I don't have the major crashes I would get from my BP1 and ADHD. I am more focused, less forgetful and able to easily and calmly complete things without my brain not being able to focus/not wanting to focus on what I needed to do. My OCD seems to have gone away too, which is more than I could ever hope for.

If you have anything you're curious about lemme know, but I'm not a doctor and things will easily be different for you with side effects or whatever. I got dry mouth and wake up earlier. That's about it though. Haven't seen any bad effects but there are some bad ones some do seem to get of course.
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby abstractinfinity1 » Mon Apr 30, 2018 7:44 pm

Holodeck wrote:I was originally diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder, so I definitely have problems putting emotions to the forefront. I too have cPTSD (which is from where I believe my SPD stems). On top of that and ADHD, I have rapid cycling bipolar I (comes with compulsive behavior and rapid thoughts) and OCD with intrusive thoughts that are mostly related to my cPTSD.

I'mma hodgepodge of a mess.


Uhh yeah I see what you mean :)

I used to qualify for the SPD diagnosis too but I don't think that's true anymore. So it was never a real PD for me, just the same symptoms. Agreed it stemmed from trauma stuff for me too.

Intrusive thoughts hm, I might have something like... hm it's like I can't stop thinking about topics that at least tangentially relate to my problems. I'm unable to access the feelings themselves or even think about them, and that's what perpetuates the thinking.


The ADHD meds calm my thoughts. Folks without ADHD will basically become overly energetic.


I don't relate to that, I don't really think I'm ADHD :), I was just curious.

Where I think I feel a commonality with some ADHD symptoms is the emotional dysregulation. No more, no less.


It's best to get a test done first and do some research before deciding it's the only answer. Basically ADHD folks don't have the same amount of dopamine hitting the part of the brain that focuses on tasks. Adderall is a stimulant that forces dopamine to raise it to normal levels. Since ADHD people originally don't have that level, they don't get high off the drug. It's highly addictive so you want to be sure you have it first.


Yeah I never had a problem with focusing on tasks before my issues started with focus. One of my strongest traits is my strength of concentration for tasks to be done. School, work...


The changes for me is I don't have the major crashes I would get from my BP1 and ADHD. I am more focused, less forgetful and able to easily and calmly complete things without my brain not being able to focus/not wanting to focus on what I needed to do. My OCD seems to have gone away too, which is more than I could ever hope for.


Thanks for the description. I'd take Adderall if I thought it would fix the emotional dysregulation actually... I'm not forgetful though, and I'm calm and focused when I'm able to finally start work.

I guess no doctor would recommend me Adderall just for fixing emotional dysregulation, right? :D

-- Mon Apr 30, 2018 8:53 pm --

"I don't have the major crashes I would get from my BP1 and ADHD"

What's such a major crash like if you can describe?
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby abstractinfinity1 » Mon Apr 30, 2018 8:57 pm

Sorry I realize I misunderstood you where you were explaining how ADHD meds calm you but it would make non-ADHD people overly energetic.

I obviously never tried stimulants like Adderall, but I did try Wellbutrin which also does a bit of dopamine stimulating, and I did get VERY energetic on it (while this effect worked - and this was awesome btw!!). It felt like I had to put in all my concentration powers to keep this extra energy controlled, but I did manage that task. It was fun controlling it, really. It also worked great for my motivation to get out of my head and not be stuck in that constant thinking thingy, oh god, I wish this effect hadn't just lasted 4 days.

And I used to not think much before my mental problems started... I had some very severe symptoms mentally before I got out of those and "only" the focus issues were left (and being stuck in the extra thinking as above).

So I guess based on Wellbutrin's effect, Adderall could make me even more energetic along with adding extra motivation, yah? As long as I can control the extra energy, I'd be fine with this lol. I doubt though that any doctor would diagnose me with ADHD so this is a theoretical option only. :?
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Re: Debilitating inability to even start "complex" tasks

Postby quietgirl2538 » Tue May 01, 2018 12:45 am

Hi abstractinfinity1,
Have you ever done a test for ADD, without the hyperactivity in there?

I was a straight A student, did great at sports, was never late to any appointment. But it's so hard to explain in a few sentences the "why" I strongly suspect ADD. I fit every question or at least almost every question of the diagnosis. What I tend to do is over compensate and there lies the problem. I am currently taking Tenex and am going up in dosage today. I liked Strattera, but it made me sweat way too much. I had to stop taking it.

Holodeck, I have dry mouth from my med I take for insomnia. I hate it but you need to drink water throughout the day is what the dental hygienist told me. I don't remember why but you can ask the next time you go for a dental cleaning and they'll tell you there.
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