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crotch looking problem: Psychological help please.

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crotch looking problem: Psychological help please.

Postby Adiarun » Tue Jun 19, 2007 1:36 am

Last one year I noticed I am looking at people's crotch male or female. I try to control still my eyes goes there. This is giving me all type of problems. Now I am getting scared of social gatherings. I am hetro sexual and married. StilL My eyes are going to males and also females. Any advice and help is greatly appreciated. Can I go to psychriatist? what type of doctor is requird. Please help
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Postby puma » Tue Jun 19, 2007 6:54 pm

Assuming this is a genuine problem; when you look at people's crotches do you just glance quickly and then look at their faces, ect, or do you stare for a long enough time for them to notice?
Almost everyone scopes out everyone else to some degree. The thing is to be discreet. No lingering stares.
A psychiatrist would certainly be able to help you with this. In the meantime relax, it is normal to look at body parts, you just need to be discreet. No ogling or staring.
In another post you said you have recently been diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. If you have hyperthyroidism ( too much thyroid hormone) this will make you nervous and anxious. If you have hypothyroidism ( not enough thyroid hromone ) this will make you sluggish and depressed. Both conditions are treatable.
It is conceivable that the recent problem of staring at people's crotches ( a compulsive nervous action) and the thyroid problem are linked. tell your doctor about this. Both Hyperthyroidism and hypothyroidism can cause emotional and mental distress. Its rare to cause a sexual fetish, though.
Check out our Paraphilias forum, which deals with fetishes.
http://psychforums.com/viewforum.php?f=184
I've already moved your post in the self esteem forum to the paraphilias forum.
"So It Goes..." Kurt Vonnegut
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Postby SmallTalkRed » Tue Jun 19, 2007 8:46 pm

Hello,

It could be natural as staring at cleavage. Unless it is really causing problems in your life like your job or marriage, I would not worry about it. The more you try not to , the more you will think about it and it becomes a vicious cycle.

peace.
red
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Postby shivers » Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:40 pm

Hey, that happened to me at some stage in my life too! It was embarrassing, for no stupid reason I'd find myself staring at some guys crotch. Mind you, many guys keep on fiddling with their anyway, so sometimes it was warranted.

It went away at some stage, I couldn't tell you when, but I don't think it lasted for too long.

I did use some covering up tactic for a while. If I found myself staring, I'd furrow my brow and put my finger to my lips to imitate being in deep thought. Hoping that the person would think I was staring at the ground in deep thought about something else! Not sure if it ever worked.... :lol:

Helen whats-er-name did it to Mel Gibson in What Women Want.
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Re: crotch looking problem: Psychological help please.

Postby MichaelJJR » Sat May 15, 2010 11:12 am

Hello, was just desperate enough today to google this, it has bothered me for over 20 years. I am male, I am also hetro and 44. This problem has crippled my social life and work prospects for years. It brings me so much shame that its unbearable.

The second poster suggested that the op might be staring, I am sure s/he is not staring. There is in my experience anyway, a palpable focus, like people in close proximity like sitting at a bar or at a desk, they can sense my focus. (the focus is uncontrollable like some weird tractor beam) I cannot obviously see myself when I am in a social situation, but I am certain I dont stare or give visual cues, its not that I want to notice guys or girls crotches, believe me, if I could just forget this and never be bothered by it again id never care about someones crotch. I mean it happens with anyone, old guys, young guys, old ladies, it just makes mince out of all taboos. I avoid my neice and nephew and infact all children like the plague. Just the idea that this could make me look like a pedo absolutely freaks me out and I do indeed, never go even close to kids. I feel like a freaking monster.

I know it will happen, i expect it to happen and sure enough soon it does, I try and compensate by conversation and being lively but all present can notice me. I feel myself sinking in shame and fear and psychological agony. I avoid social stuff. I work online so at least I can earn a living.

It started one day when i was around 20 and It hasnt stopped since. I cant bring myself to talk with anyone about it, I think even a shrink, being human would probably think I need locking up or something because i have never heard of it, I just think its so unusual and ridiculous.

First, I cant believe I found this thread and someone obviously sincere and intelligent is experiencing the same thing.

Second, I have read and researched and I really have not found any psychological methods that could unlodge me from this "thing"

I think its some sort of shame cycle, I really have no idea, my coping style is avoidance and it sux becoz i really crave social contact, but my ego wont let me be that crotch sniffer (sorry its my demeaning nickname for the "me" that does that) My pride would rather that I just be alone than to admit theres a problem but there evidently is a gigantic problem. I just find it impossible to even broach the topic with anyone without feeling ridiculous.

Tommorow nite I am getting on a plane and I feel sorry for the person that will be sitting next to me. 8 hours of strange "noticing" from the odd guy next to them. I just grit my teeth and bear it, I try and live my life, but this has become a burden that I literally must constantly carry.

Only once I opened up to a now ex girlfriend and she suggested that I probably did it naturally and once caught myself checking out a guys crotch which i accept is natural in the normal sense, but i made a big deal about it in my mind noticing a guys crotch in my head and thats why it happens now all the time. If that is true could this be some sort of obssessive compulsive thing ? I dont do any ritual stuff like check the door 3 times or whatever.

Anyway, I am not sure if I can get any help here, but I am absolutely stunned I found this thread, and I feel a little lighter for it.

Any clinical or professional insights would be greatfully accepted.

Thanks
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Re: crotch looking problem: Psychological help please.

Postby Sol.Ennis » Tue Oct 26, 2010 7:30 pm

You may need to take a philosophical approach. Re-shape the situation. For instance, I told a person who asked, "Why do people watch my crotch?":

Hi! Let's see...where do I begin.... Ah! First off, do know it's not always sexual. You'd be surprised sometimes a crotch can be as expressive as the eyes. Now, secondly, some crotches are literally screaming, "Look at me!" Sometimes they say it from behind a rather tight garment, other times they might just whisper from the hollow of a loose pair of shorts. Third, do keep in mind the C in crotch stands for center, and people who tend to want to get to the core of things...well you can figure out the rest. Aye, take it from me 7 times out of 10 your crotch is safe, watched, but safe no less. Heads up though: If someone is looking at your crotch and you get the sense that they're just 1 crazy thought from shaking hands with your zipper, you'd be wise to get your crotch out of there and on to safer territory. By the way! Crotch Watchers get all the bad press, you all would be better advised to be wary of the people who are watching your neck. Take it from me, Solomohn Ennis

So, "crotch looking problem," re-frame your thoughts about this. Question the reasons why you do it. They may not be sexually motivated at all. And, even if they are explore that. But whatever you do, don't live in shame and fear without identifying what is really going on. It may be more funny (haha) than freakish. Be gentle with yourself and give your mind enough tenderness of thought to move your eyes upward (if you so choose). Take it from me, Solomohn Ennis.
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Re: crotch looking problem: Psychological help please.

Postby Healingnow » Sat Aug 06, 2011 8:24 am

I've had this problem going on 8 years now, I've had to quit jobs because of it. I haven't had a social life as well because of it. I think it's ocd related since I have ocd but it seems more add related. I read in the book Spark! by John Ratey that the brain doesn't make the required chemicals on it's own so it causes you to do things to create chaos in your environment. I've done many things that bother me not just crotch staring, I hugged a female relative really close as if to cop a feel and didn't want to do that. I give people odd looks when I don't want to. I picture what would be inappropriate and then do it all in a matter of seconds, I wish it were easier to just not do but it's difficult not to. Luckily I've found something that seems to be an answer, it's called holosync which is a meditation cd. I know all this stuff is anxiety based. I've done a year of holosync and have had days where the anxiety is gone and the tension I feel about staring at people's private parts is gone, it's not even a thought and it doesn't happen. I think I will be free from this problem in another year using holosync. It seems to get rid of fear which seems to be at the heart of negative behavior big and small, I can see that now.
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Re: crotch looking problem: Psychological help please.

Postby Platypus » Sun Aug 07, 2011 10:59 am

Welcome Healingnow,

That's great that you have found the meditation CD so helpful. :) I think you're right about the behaviour stemming from fear and anxiety.

I've been accused of staring at women's breasts when I speak to them. I don't mean to, but I don't like maintaining eye contact. For some reason my eyes sometimes end up there instead. :oops:

Good luck with your continued improvement!
No diagnosis, lots of opinions, and a bunch of issues that I haven't quite figured out.
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Re: crotch looking problem: Psychological help please.

Postby Oceano » Thu Jan 05, 2012 6:03 am

Hello to everyone,

I as MichaelJJR was surprised to see this post and realize that there are more people out there with the same problem. I am familiarized mainly with what MIchael, Adiarun and Healingnow are going through. I as several of you mentioned am heterosexual, married and love women but for some messed up reason I developed this problem where my gaze seems to be in someone's crotch even though I am looking in their eyes. With me it's all males no matter what age, old, young babies, relatives, old people, my friends even my father. This is destroying me.
I use to be a person that everyone loved to be around, sociable, likable and friendly. Now I can't seem to have a normal conversation with anyone because I am terrified of making eye contact with people. I make anyone feel awkward with my unwanted gaze which in return makes me feel awkward making them think I am gay, because I am not, it just creates a weird chemistry. Even if I know that I am not looking at their crotch, there seems to be an unwanted energy looking towards there that creates this negative vibe when I try to interact with someone.
That causes me more anxiety and it's the main reason for me not even wanting to interact with anyone anymore. I want this to end and I can't find the answer, I would just like to erase this from my mind.
As Michael said, my main problem seems to rely on a palpable focus and I feel sorry for the person that is sitting next no me or directly in front of me all the time. Whether it be a bar, a plane, a restaurant or any situation, I'm terrified.

Similarly to what Healingnow mentioned, I have now been dealing with this for some years and have realized psychologically and analyzed many things while trying to eliminate this problem. I have seen a therapist and it did not help, in fact it made it worse. I have only seen one though and I am starting to consider in seeing another one. The only thing I learned from him was that I have a social anxiety disorder and that I had ADHD, which I already knew.
This whole sentiment has been definitely triggered by anxiety and now more by fear which creates more anxiety, when I am placed in these particular situations. I can't even go and have a nice dinner at a restaurant with my wife if I am in close proximity to people because I become paralyzed. I get lost in my head coping with these thoughts in search of a way to eliminate them, so in return I loose the string of any possible conversation that I might want to have. I then, have to ask once or twice what she said making me feel stupid, I do this with everyone too. I believe that this fear an anxiety also bring shame and low self esteem.

I moved from San Diego to San Francisco in order to go to college, this was 6 years ago now. I know that the lack of space, tension, stress, uncertainty of my future, dislike of my employment and the feeling of being trapped is mainly responsible for creating this problem.

Now you might ask, how have you coped with it for 3 years now. Well, I have found that exercising daily and positioning myself in the situations that I don't want to be in, have made me stronger and better able of dealing with this issue. The problem is that I still make people feel awkward; they dislike me or think I am gay because I still haven't been able to eliminate this issue completely. Then again it gives me more anxiety and makes me feel insecure, not manly and depressed.

I have not been able to keep a job since this started. I can't seem to gain the confidence to believe in my field of employment and work in my career because of this. Instead I've been working a job that pays the bills just because it does that. Instead I am now unemployed and feel lost because the job I held before just gave me more anxiety and added to my problems, I worked with the public in restaurants as a server but studied photography. I do not recommend to anyone with this problem working in the restaurant industry.

Does someone have any suggestions? Where can I get that Holosync CD?


Thanks for reading and listening to my problems, I hope someone has some advice to kick this horrendous problem.


Cheers
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Re: crotch looking problem: Psychological help please.

Postby groverorange » Wed Jan 11, 2012 8:48 pm

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