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Depression and Suicide

Open Discussions about how Mental Illness affects your life.

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Postby Angel » Tue Apr 26, 2005 9:20 pm

I don't have easy answers for you havok. Oh I wish I had this great advice to offer you. I know what it's like to feel this negative and I've found a way to rise out of it. But I am sure you and I have had much different life experiences too.

I guess all I have to offer you right now is that I'm not out to hurt you or screw you over. Have you found anyone on this site that is caring to you or that you feel you can trust? Course I know....that's all great here right...but you probably want that outside the computer screen too! I understand that.

I hope you just keep talking here and come to feel like you have a support system, if no where else for right now, then at least here.
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Postby hav0k » Tue Apr 26, 2005 11:55 pm

thanx everyone for being so supportive. 8)
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Postby Pancake » Wed Apr 27, 2005 12:10 am

i feel really bad just now..today was $#%^ everything went wrong
i could tell in the morning before school started i can't do anything right, i went to give my girlfriend a hug, and stepped on her shoe, then first hour this kid basically called me retarded every 5 minutes, everybody (throughout the whole day) uses the word "psycho" or "crazy" like its a normal thing, i hate when people call me psycho or crazy or wierd, i can't help it :(...3rd hour i dont understand any of the stuff were doing and had to copy a quiz and felt like crap about doing that, and stupid for not knowing any of it, 4th hour was the only little happiness i had all day, which is wierd because its my worst class (spanish), and i have a 84% (thats a good grade for me!) and i actually know the vocab and stuff, during 5th hour i had this great idea for like a business (like a paintball field but instead of paintball guns, airsoft guns, and its the map de_dust from counter-strike...anyways) i liked the idea so much and i couldn't stop thinking about it, how everything would work and everything, i told my friends and this girl in my 6th hour class was like (thats the only good idea you've ever had) and i went home and told my parents and ended up fighting about it (i dont even know why, for once they took me seriously and tell me its a stupid idea, my dad told me to go away and yelled at me, then comes in later, "oh i didn't say it was a bad idea..(duhrr)..you just need to think more about these types of things" i swear everybody just thinks every couple minutes a random idea pops into my head (i mean it does, but..) and thinks every single one of them i want to actually do and go through with....on the bus home my girlfriend never talks to me, but when her and my friend get off the bus i see them walking and smiling the whoel way to his house (on the way to hers) and sucks because she barely talks to me ever, and right after 4th hour this kid and this girl were messing around and he was acting like he was going to throw milk on her and she said "you wont" and he did a little but not far enough so it would get on her and it went sideways and went on my sleeve and some on my pants and i got upset but just kept walking :( then i smelled for the rest of the day...then i was playing counterstriek like 30 minutes ago and me and my friend were using sniper rifles on the roof and we just got up there (the rule in the server is no "camping" up there) and the guy tells the other guy to slay me and i die, but my friends still alive, its always me that gets in trouble for anything (last week i got a referral for talking in class, when it was 5 minutes from the bell and the whole class was talking, only me and 2 other kids got referrals even though the whole calsls was talking)

i can barely breathe and i feel like crap, like i need to get up and move around to be happy, like jump around and stuff but then again i dont feel like moving at all, i just want to sit here and do nothing, im goign to exercise in a couple minutes that might make me feel better
the point is i guess i dont know if im suicidal or not...would someone be considered suicidal if they actually thought about doing it at all? or if they actually attempted it? i've had many times where it hought about it..how i woudl do it, what it would feel like...then goes into these big stories about what people might think about it..usually not much...i dont know if thats considered suicidal or not, i know i would never go through with it, im not afraid of doing it or death if it happens it happens not like we can control it, but its what i feel for what my girlfriend feels, i told myself a while ago that if i never met her or we never went out or anything that and i found out i was SZ i probably would have done it, im not sure if i really would have or not, or if i even met her if i would have found out or not...im sure i would have found out eventually...

sorry this was so long, i didn't even realize i typed that much

sorry forgot something: on the bus i got spitballs in my hair...and in spanish (guess it wasn't tha great afterall..) my friend was standing up ( i was sitting down) looking in the back of the spanish book on the desk and he was looking up a word that started with a "c" and went right to the "m" section and stopped there and i was looking at all the words and was like "shouldn't you be in the "c's"" and i guess i took my eyes off the book because he said "i am in the "c" section" and i looked back and everything started with C......guess this is considered a hallucination (but how did i look at the "m" words (that means its coming from in my head, and i dont really know a lot of spanish)) :?
Last edited by Pancake on Wed Apr 27, 2005 12:45 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Postby Angel » Wed Apr 27, 2005 12:13 am

That's what this site is all about! :wink: Even us w/ "moderator" after our name. Take myself for example, I joined ....oh I forget...1 1/2 yrs. ago now? When I came to this board it was not in hopes of getting to "mod" something! Didn't know anything about members being able to do that. I just knew I needed a place to come and talk w/ others who have gone through or are going through what I've been through in life. Learn from them, help by sharing my own experiences if I could, and sometimes, talk about my own struggles. I think you'll find more positive and caring people on this site then you will negative and unsupportive to your cause!

Ever notice that when a person posts about their own issues it's so hard for them to take advice offerred but how at the same time they can reply to others...reach out to people w/ like causes and be so caring...tell them how they don't deserve their sufferings....encourage them to stick it out and fight....yet all the while fighting their own battle and not wanting to accept or try the same things offerred them?!! :wink:
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Depression and Suicide....

Postby offbeatgrl53pf » Sun Jul 10, 2005 4:57 am

Hi, all.

I'm offbeatgrl. Have taken a Long time to read the posts in this (Long) thread, and I'd like to reply/comment.

Let's see....

jimbo,

Re: your post of 4/24/05 - Yes, I Have felt better/relieved at the thought that I could take the option of suicide.

But, the thought is accompanied by an "opposite" feeling of sadness and dread at the prospect.


havOK,

Re: your post of 4/27/05 - I care, too. And I can relate, as well.
But, it seems to me, there's always something(s) left "undone" [in life], for me to leave prematurely. I'd never know if the time was "right", to leave. And the "powers that be" might have good plans for me...I don't want to miss out...You just never know!


Pancake,

What a ROTTEN day you had!!!
May your days improve exponentially!


And to Whoever (I forgot who) mentioned the "network spinal analysis" done by her/his chiropractor...That sounds intrigueing - I give the "mind-body connection" a lot of credence, and have always wanted to explore emotions trapped in the body...I may look around for someone near me who does that work. Glad to hear how good it made you feel!
And am So glad you were (are?) feeling better by the time you posted again!! Thanks for coming here.


Thanks for listening....

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