Depression and Suicide

AnnieX wrote:Meds are not a cure - they are an aid. One must work to change how they think and react. There's an unrealistic expectation that taking meds will alter your character and personality as well and stabalize any chemical problems within the body. Not all mental illness is caused by something within our bodies, much is caused by what's in our minds and WE have to work to change that.

There also seems to be an unrealistic expectation of what it means to be better. I have gotten the impression from the many boards I've passed through and all the people I've talked to that being better means never having a bad day, never crying, never making a mistake, never ever making the mistakes you make while depressed, etc. We are only human. Being better does not mean we will be happy and filled with joy 24 hours a day 7 days a week. It doesn't mean our lives will be picture perfect. Getting better will not bring about a fairy tale ending. We will still be fallable human beings ... and riddled with emotions. We will never be perfect and our lives will never likely be as we dream them to be.

There's so much that we must accept in this life before we can really find peace in ourselves. There's so much work we must do and likely sacrifices we must make. Nothing comes that easy ... and nothing is really free.

I too suffer with suicidal ideation. I too have made my attempt and failed. I too cling to the thought that I can always end my suffering by ending my life. It's a battle ... between wanting to live and wanting to die. I have my moments when I believe I can change and can make a difference in my life ... just as I have moments when I am certain that it's all hopeless and such a waste to keep trying. I have had periods where I have been more at peace with myself. I fell ... and I'm having a hard time getting back up.

I don't know whether I will succeed or not. I don't know if I'm trying my best. I don't know much of anything ...

Completely agreed. I couldn't have said it better myself.

As for a bit of elaboration on your statement I also wanted to mention that we live in such a controlling society. Most of us do not notice that we are easily being programmed into this evil system so to speak. This only accelerates anxieties as I always like to say. I like to look at it this way. Stick to your beliefs. With that in mind I read somewhere how some psychologists will evaluate you by your beliefs? What is this? That's just absurd. Believe in yourself, when all the answers to all of your questions are right in front of your face.

I would like to say this:

Free your mind of all the #######4 you see, read, hear about how we -should- live. Clear the thoughts of believing that you need to continously find something to better your lifestyle. It's your life, protect it. It's your mind, let it be free. Like Annie mentioned, we live in a society that has us surrounded by -Unrealistic Expectations- which is completely true. If you keep expecting what society forces on to you, don't you thnk this is what will lead you into the lane of a higher level of depression? Oh, and how the truth is said to be the most hurtful.....

Thanks for reading.

.....Camilo is off to enjoy his spring break at the beach all this weekend and the coming week.

.....Camilo is off to enjoy his spring break at the beach all this weekend and the coming week.
_________________


You have fun Camilo. We'll miss ya.


lv and hugs,

Infinite wrote:I also wanted to mention that we live in such a controlling society. Most of us do not notice that we are easily being programmed into this evil system so to speak. This only accelerates anxieties as I always like to say. I like to look at it this way. Stick to your beliefs. With that in mind I read somewhere how some psychologists will evaluate you by your beliefs? What is this? That's just absurd. Believe in yourself, when all the answers to all of your questions are right in front of your face.

I would like to say this:

Free your mind of all the #######4 you see, read, hear about how we -should- live. Clear the thoughts of believing that you need to continously find something to better your lifestyle. It's your life, protect it. It's your mind, let it be free. Like Annie mentioned, we live in a society that has us surrounded by -Unrealistic Expectations- which is completely true. If you keep expecting what society forces on to you, don't you thnk this is what will lead you into the lane of a higher level of depression? Oh, and how the truth is said to be the most hurtful.....

Thanks for reading.

.....Camilo is off to enjoy his spring break at the beach all this weekend and the coming week.

OOo ... have a great time.



back to the subject ...

I can't tell you how horrifying it is for me to see all these things on TV that insist that women "should" wear make-up. I've seen all these make over shows and the the morning news shows ... etc ... and they always have someone on saying that they know how women would like to be more natural but we really should wear either this product or that product. They say that we (men and women) need to use special products to clense our face and body. They say that if we dress a certain way it will make us look better. And they present all this stuff to us using people that look incredible. It's being drilled in our heads that we are NEVER good enough.

We are pummled by experts telling us how we need to eat better and then at the same time we are buried under ads and commercial's for prepared frozen foods, fast food, junk food, and restaraunts. That's a bit of a messy topic to get into.

We are riddled with the idea that we need everything bigger, better, faster, sleeker, newer, and all with more gadgets than ever before.

I could rant forever on this topic ... but I'm going to leave it hanging ...

Aaaahhh!........hopefully my spring break isn't completely ruined. The weather was bad today and didn't make it to the beach! Damnit. It is also said to be a bit cloudy for the rest of the week.

And have you noticed the surge in "extreme makeover" programming? It's making me angry beyond belief.

Infinite wrote:Aaaahhh!........hopefully my spring break isn't completely ruined. The weather was bad today and didn't make it to the beach! Damnit. It is also said to be a bit cloudy for the rest of the week.

Darn it. That really stinks. I would suggest baking a pan of cream cheese brownies ...

Cornellcat wrote:And have you noticed the surge in "extreme makeover" programming? It's making me angry beyond belief.

Not only that, but everyone is getting in on it. All those people that do the extreme makeovers end up on all the talk shows and news shows ... where everyone oooh's and ahhh's over how much better they look. And not only did they have surgery and other stuff done but they are always buried under makeup and hair products and clothing that has been tailored for them.

Cd wrote:I've been there and I feel I can so totally relate and I want to share these things w/ you....I want to try and help you see why you need to stay in the fight and that it really can get better and that you don't need to give up. Please know and believe that. And don't give up on life and all of those who love you.

Hugs,
Cd

you know, it always amazes me, the kindness of strangers....
cd, your kind words and experiences brought tears to my eyes. you write so purposefully and passionately. thank you for your love and concern.
I am feeling better today. I finally dragged my butt to see my chiropractor (he specializes in a technique and treatment called Network Spinal Ananlysis which helps to release deep seated negative emotions from the body) and after four treatments over two days, I felt such release. Again, I had issues come up of sexual abuse from when I was a small child. I don't consciously remember these abuses happening, but they keep coming up unexpectedly when I am in different types of therapy. Luckily, this just came up and then released away. I guess the sexual abuse lets me see the reason why I sometimes can't bear to live with myself, but then I start feeling better and I know I must go on.

Thank you, thank you, to cd, lonely stranger, anniex, infinite and any others I've missed. I've been on many depression boards and this is the first time I've had such eloquent, evocative and insightful replies to a post. I'll have to come back again soon and chat with you all.
Peace and Love

oops, the above post was from me, Cangirl313 (Kimmy). I hadn't signed in when I replied.

Hi Kimmy,

thank you for your post and kind words. I'm glad to know my post helped you or made you feel better.

There have been a few posts since mine discussing the idea of meds and the perception of better. I'm in agreement w/ them. Meds are not the 100% cureall and I hope I didn't sound like I believe that to be the case when I posted. However for some meds can bring you a long way in the recovery process. Just depends what you are dealing w/ and what your symtoms are...what the reasons are behind the symptoms, etc. I never take meds in hopes it will return me to some idea of "normal"....my definition on that simply to imply a life w/out this mental illness. Of course like some posters have talked about.....no one, not even those NOT dealing w/ mental illness are going to have this perfect life...stress or issue or problem free. Everyone has their days or moments where things are just simply out of one's control....gonna have the stress and gonna have the little upsets in everyday life. Some of us are better equipped to deal w/ that. Some of us deal w/ depression and a variety of mental illness type issues for absolutely no reason...nothing has to be there for a trigger to go through a mood cycle. I deal w/ that in dealing w/ cyclothymia. It's where my meds come in very handy. My emotions cycle all day long every day. There are some days where I may only bounce between two moods...there are other days where I will ...for example....I never know what mood I will awake in, calm, depressed, happy, over the top happy, angry, etc. I will stay in that given mood for a few hours. Then w/out warning and for no real trigger or reason...I will jump to another mood. I could go from calm and happy to suddenly flat out depressed for absolutely NO REASON....could be in the middle of some mundane task around the house and suddenly find myself feeilng a degree of depression as heavy as if I'd just been told someone I loved had died. Or I could go from any given emotion to immediatly angry and mad and hold that for a while. It just bounces around all day long and goes on over and over ...day after day. So for me....having a med to help even these out and slow down those mood cycles is a big thing. The med does not cure what I'm dealing w/. If I go off the meds....the cycles return....and when on them...I still have other things I have had to work through. Some were very real issues I needed to work through....other parts were simply coming to understand exactly why I am like I am.....to better understand things so that I can watch for the signs in myself and then learn ways to help myself deal w/ things as they come up. Before I only knew one way to cope and it was not a helpful way. But the more I counseled and learned about myself and what was happening to me....the better able I am to help myself. And between things like this, taking meds, coming to places such as these forums to talk w/ others....I get to a point where I can live w/ what is there for me. I will never be "cured"....but I definetly am better then I was a few years ago. Am I perfect? Nope. But neither are any of those not dealing w/ depression and mental illness on a daily basis. We all have different perceptions of "better". But we need to realize the difference between "better" and cured! I'll take "better" over the idea of staying stuck where I was before any day!!

So when I talk about hanging in there and the idea that things really can get better....I don't mean to give you this false sense of security in that one day you will wake up and all the things you've been trying to deal w/ will just magically be gone because you popped a pill or something....but I do mean to imply that the more you learn about yourself and what you deal w/...the more help you are to yourself and soon you will wake up and have better days. And on those days where you stumble back a bit....you will be equipped to deal w/ it way more effectively then in the past...and you have the possibility before you to then have only a small stumble instead of a huge devasting crash!

Whether it be from a counselor or therapist, etc. or whether it be by coming to places such as this forum and talking w/ others....you can hear about positive ways to handle various situations that arrive for yourself. Little tricks and so forth that people do to help them cope. I've changed so much in the last year as I came to better understand what I was dealing w/...who I am....what I liked about myself and what I didn't like...and I learned ways to make changes for the things I realized I did have control over changing. I made changes for myself and in my home and how I live my everyday life. At first it was hard to make myself do....hey...it was so much easier just complaining and waking up everyday to the same old routine ...no matter how much I hated how it affected my life...then to try and put these suggested changes into place. ....but more and more I forced myself to try things...and it didn't take long...I really started to see change. Even things like that have helped me a lot. If at the very least ....lets put this on a scale....you could say before I was at a 10 (10 being the worst I could be) and now that I've gone through all these process I talk about....now I'm between a 3-5!!! I still have work ahead of me in this whole process....but being in that 3-5 zone for myself....hey...at least I finally want to wake up and face everyday and I enjoy life again and now when I'm having the bad or down days.....now I don't think of suicide as my answer or security blanket like I did before. I hurt and I get frustrated but I just still try to put all my little self help tricks and talks in place and get through the day. To be able to do that....it just says a lot!!

Well I will spare you further ramblings. I hope we get to talk more and I hope you are able to make progress as you go down your road in life!! Yeah there are gonna be those days where you feel like you took 2 steps forward only to fall 3 steps back...but when that starts to happen less and less, that's when you start to feel some power and control over you life again and you feel the sunshine flood in!!!!!!!!!

-Cd