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Creative writings. Pump up your volumes!

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Creative writings. Pump up your volumes!

Postby Justddrown » Thu Dec 13, 2018 4:19 am

Hello, welcome to the ongoing saga of Justddrown. Unfortunately I’m dry so bare with me through whatever little resin I can salvage. I’ve been held to what I’ve said and granted a psychotic’s wish, So grease your chicken in motor oil and strap in. Riding up through them hills high on mushrooms swooped right through an open gate at the airport drawn to the lights like a moth to a flame topped off a bottle of midori. Ever notice how meth houses always have the most trash in their yard? Ever have the urge to Dress up like Ronald McDonald and entertain children, stay true to your Jnco Roots. You have to cover a wide angle if you want mass appeal. Do you believe in Prophets? Like god speaking through Moses? Do you think that could happen today? I mean, it’s widely accepted to have happened in the past and personally, I think we’re due. I like cyndi lauper, she’s so unusual. My favorite movie is the craft maybe valley girl, that nic cage man. Triscuit crackers taste bland with the texture of a large mini wheat. Sam Walton is laughing in his grave. Cup o’ Noodles. With that I will retire to my chambers to figure out ways to burden myself by way of harmless beliefs.
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Re: Creative writings. Pump up your volumes!

Postby Jonna » Fri Dec 14, 2018 5:58 pm

There was a man from the city sipping from a double shot of espresso on the patio of a cabana just overlooking a forest when suddenly hundreds of birds flew out from the trees alarmed by the thunderous pop.

The end.
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Re: Creative writings. Pump up your volumes!

Postby Justddrown » Fri Dec 14, 2018 6:56 pm

Nice.
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Re: Creative writings. Pump up your volumes!

Postby Justddrown » Sun Dec 16, 2018 3:25 am

I said to a guy that’s really not a friend, “hey, do you want to go run the bases at the baseball field? Hey said “sure”, so we went to the field stoped at the plate and then set the world record for speed around the bases and drifted the car into home. I can still hear the blare of Meat Loaf through the stereo.
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Re: Creative writings. Pump up your volumes!

Postby Otter » Sun Dec 16, 2018 11:12 am

^ I had a similar experience once - a long time ago. Thanks for bringing up the memory.
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Re: Creative writings. Pump up your volumes!

Postby Tyler » Mon Dec 17, 2018 2:48 pm

Two poems that I've also posted in the poetry corner forum.

TRIGGER WARNING

Listen, God



Listen, God
I was running a cash register at my job and Lucifer came through.
You know, with his gluten free diet and what not
But yeah, he told me you’re pulling some $#%^ with him.
Knock it off
Seriously, I’ll send some of my home dawgs after you.

Listen, God
You know Jim, right?
The guy that lives in my head
You borrowed twenty dollars from him to buy a cheap video game
Pay him back, you bum

Listen, God
Lay off the pot
I mean Jesus Christ (oops, sorry, too soon?)
I went by your house and that’s all I could ######6 smell
I could smell it with my windows up

Listen, God
I saw you got a tramp stamp of your girlfriend’s name
Seriously, dude, that $#%^’s permanent
And you could have given Jim his twenty dollars instead of getting it
Seriously, God, you’re too good for her

Listen, God
You’ve got to get your life together
I mean you’re living off of the government
And you’re not getting your WIC checks after Jesus was… well, you know.
But, God, man, at least give Jim his twenty dollars.

___________________________________________________________

Ode to Lord Ruubewtz


By Tyler


Ode to Lord Ruubewtz
You bravely led your people in the great condiment war of 2007
While the united nations of the hot dog people stood idly by and did nothing
You led the ketchup people to their first victory in ages
The mustard terrorists did not see the attack coming

Ode to Lord Ruubewtz
You took the down in the dumps economy of the salad people
And you brought it back to the way it was during it’s prospering youth
You gave jobs to all sorts of green vegetables, both light and dark
You hold no prejudice


Ode to Lord Ruubewtz
You fixed the problems with the current immigration policy
No more illegal croutons are coming into the salads of your people
They will only employee the legal immigrants of the crouton people
Salad crime has dropped drastically

Ode to Lord Ruubewtz
You held firm to the third amendment of the cereal people
They have the right to bare sugar if they so please
Now, the cereal people feel safe
And they keep the amendment to their constitution that they signed back in 1863

Ode to Lord Ruubewtz
You destroyed the barrier of hate between six inch and foot long hoagies
There is no more segregation at the Subways across the world
Now, six inches and foot longs can go to the same schools, use the same restrooms
They can even get along with one another

Ode to Lord Ruubewtz
For he has solved many problems in the food community
May he live a long and prosperous life!

______________________________


Hello, Balloon

By Tyler


I arrived at the party early in the afternoon
It was a birthday party for a family member
Other family was there
But so was someone else.

“Hello, Balloon” I said.
“Hello, sir” it says back.
I pick Balloon up
I bounce him around in my hands.

He was an orange balloon
Call me prejudice, but I like orange balloons
At least more than yellow ones
Though I treat all balloons equally

I eat with balloon beside me
I play my 3DS with balloon beside me
I relax with balloon beside me
Balloon was with me for a couple hours.

The family was here, it was time to start the party
I went to go find balloon
But wait
Balloon was gone

“Balloon! Where are you, balloon?!” I scream in a panic
It was a small room, where could he have gone?
I give up hope, I cry
But alas, balloon finds me

“I’m sorry, Tyler.” He says
“I was getting some hotdogs
And Mountain Dew”
Balloon has to eat too.

Balloon introduces himself to the family
They all agree that orange balloons are nice
My uncle is even prejudice against non-orange balloons
But balloon didn’t seem to mind

Then came time for us to pack up
Balloon doesn’t have arms or legs
He can’t help, but only keep company.
We did give him some food to take home though

It was time to say good bye, for now at least.
“Good bye Balloon. Where will you go?”
“I’ll stay here, Tyler. I live in this building.”
“Good bye Balloon. I wish you the best in your future endeavors.”

Balloon called me the next day on my house phone
Balloon and I are going to go out to eat sometime
He shops at the grocery store I work at
Balloon and I are friends for life.
Email me if you want a doughnut
Image

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Diagnosed: Schizoaffective Disorder Bi-polar type Rapid Cycling.

Medication: Geodone 160 MG, Lexapro 5mg

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Re: Creative writings. Pump up your volumes!

Postby Justddrown » Fri Dec 21, 2018 5:13 am

You know that DVD player screensaver? The one that’s bouncing around the screen like it’s pong. Maybe you know? Anyways, you sit and you wait and stare at it from time to time momentarily. Every now and then a blue moon comes along where you catch a glimpse of the logo on the screensaver and bouncing off the corner of the screen perfect alignment...That’s me.

-- Fri Dec 21, 2018 12:20 am --

You know that DVD player screensaver? The one that’s bouncing around the screen like it’s pong. Maybe you know? Anyways, you sit and you wait and stare at it from time to time momentarily. Every now and then a blue moon comes along where you catch a glimpse of the logo on the screensaver and bouncing off the corner of the screen perfect alignment...That’s me.
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Re: Creative writings. Pump up your volumes!

Postby Solowolfpack » Sun Dec 23, 2018 1:30 am

*Warning* Bad words, I’m not particularly creative right now but I wrote this in the ASPD forum and figured I share, by all means if this is too much for Just for fun feel free to turn it into a dot.

Solowolfpack wrote:Ok so with all the activity around the US Mexican border I decided I was going to get involved, Generally I’m very anti illegal immigration, actually I’m anti immigration all together because it just means more people I have to hate. Anyways I decided it would be ironic to go into Mexico and smuggle a family into the US so much so I couldn’t resist.

I got to Tijuana and found the local “pharmacy “ where I was able to secure several hundred dollars worth of aderall which I would need for the dash into the US. After a good night sleep I go out looking for my family after several shots of Mexican tequila by the way, the mixture with he aderall was having like this bootleg speedball effect.

I spot my mark, a morbidly obese woman seeking asylum for her and her beautiful 7 fat children, after I led them for a few hours they began to call me by new nickname “the great white one” it was all in Spanish and I don’t understand a word but I can only assume that’s what they were saying. As we make a run for freedom with ICE and German shepherds closing in I realized my mistake, the fat fuks can’t run for shlt so as the real “great white one” the hero I am. I ditch all those losers and make a break for it. I made, phew I was worried something bad might happen but nothing did. I drink about that and laugh sometimes. What a great adventure!!
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Re: Creative writings. Pump up your volumes!

Postby Eight » Sun Dec 23, 2018 2:38 am

It was funny there, and it's still funny here. A good piece of writing, Solo. :lol:
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Re: Creative writings. Pump up your volumes!

Postby Justddrown » Fri Dec 28, 2018 3:55 am

Storks are like postal workers. They’re not happy on the job. They mishandle packages which often arrive bent crushed or mutilated. But most storks do they’re job well, they’re pissed off but they care about the service they provide as well. Let me tell you a story about a stork named Avion or something. He lives in stork castle where in his free time he writes with the aspiration of publishing a book further describing the story of this story. Long story short, guy named Andy refused to sign for it at the dock. The child was sent back for redistribution, provided for and rebundled to a new location. Avion made sure to personally deliver this blue bundle. He flew through storms and protected the parcel until arrival at its destination. Because that’s what storks do. Flew back to stork castle and did stork things until it was stork time again. Storks are almost always on call and Storks like Avion always deliver.
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