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My Pinay gf in Australia?

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My Pinay gf in Australia?

Postby emmitt » Fri Oct 05, 2018 3:50 am

I have a girlfriend that lives in Australia she is Filipina and I live in the United States we've been online dating for 2 years now and she drives me absolutely crazy lately.. if I'm tired and I want to go to sleep she still keeps me up and video chat and I keep hinting and trying to say that I need to go to sleep to go to work in the morning but he still ends up talking and keeping me on and it s usually just random silliness trying to teach me to talk het language in other things that are just we have two totally different times and I keep having to stay up till 5 in the morning and I m going to work exhausted and she never really understands every the last time I tried explaining it to her she thought that I didn t want to talk to her that I don t care about her and she always makes me feel that way I really don t know what to do.. but she is sweet and kind and I feel so bad.. so today I uninstalled my app and just disconnected myself from her without any warning or explanation.. I didn't want to explain because she will only make this harder..and make me feel bad, but I have a life to live and I will never be able to go to Australia because I work 10 hours a day.. did I do wrong?
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Re: My Pinay gf in Australia?

Postby jabberwocky » Fri Oct 05, 2018 6:17 am

emmitt wrote:I have a girlfriend that lives in Australia she is Filipina and I live in the United States we've been online dating for 2 years now and she drives me absolutely crazy lately.. if I'm tired and I want to go to sleep she still keeps me up and video chat and I keep hinting and trying to say that I need to go to sleep to go to work in the morning but he still ends up talking and keeping me on and it s usually just random silliness trying to teach me to talk het language in other things that are just we have two totally different times and I keep having to stay up till 5 in the morning and I m going to work exhausted and she never really understands every the last time I tried explaining it to her she thought that I didn t want to talk to her that I don t care about her and she always makes me feel that way I really don t know what to do.. but she is sweet and kind and I feel so bad.. so today I uninstalled my app and just disconnected myself from her without any warning or explanation.. I didn't want to explain because she will only make this harder..and make me feel bad, but I have a life to live and I will never be able to go to Australia because I work 10 hours a day.. did I do wrong?


Yes, you did wrong. How would you like to get ghosted after a 2 year relationship? How do you think she feels now? You should man up and do the right thing, set some boundaries and stop whining about being tired.
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Re: My Pinay gf in Australia?

Postby ariaQuin » Sat Oct 06, 2018 3:36 am

Yes, what you did is not right.

Although I do understand where you are coming from for Filipinas can sometimes indeed be very "clingy" and childlike, but by unceremoniously terminating the communication, you've been really inconsiderate of her not just as an SO but more importantly as a person. Nobody wants to be kept in the dark.

Regardless of the length of the relationship and the cultural differences, the decision to refuse to directly tell her your concerns is like a blatant disregard of her feelings. Is she not deserving of the truth?
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Re: My Pinay gf in Australia?

Postby ariaQuin » Sat Oct 06, 2018 3:51 am

Also, Warning...
I'm sorry, for this will be quite a lengthy response.

As a Filipina, albeit sheltered and exposed to Western education and culture (studied and would regularly travel in various countries), I grew up in the Philippines and was raised by a conservative Filipina nanny and lola (grandma) so I just feel compelled to respond properly.
Hopefully, by doing so, I'd be able to provide you even just a glimpse on how she might possibly feel.

Was she born and raised in Australia?
If yes, then kindly disregard my response below for it may no longer be applicable to her.

Filipinas, especially those who were raised traditionally (conservative and Catholic values) highly value romantic relationships. i.e. hook-ups, cheating and cohabitation prior to marriage are still considered taboo, even divorce is not possible there so most of them took their time to really be sure before they give their hearts away. They love very deeply and can be fiercely loyal, which then translates to neediness for they believe that it will truly last.

You made sacrifices, but maybe she also made some in order to maintain your relationship.
Honestly, there are negative stigmas against Filipinas who enter interracial relationships through dating sites. Backwards, some might say, but that's just their culture.
These prejudices are even greater for Pinays who are from below average economic class, aren't from the city, or unable to finish college (or graduated but from a relatively unknown university) for they are perceived to be the reason why Pinays are being seen by some foreign men as easy lay. :(
So for her to actually choose and stay with you, can be already considered as a big risk esp if she came from a small provincial town.

I didn't type all these to make you feel guilty. Please don't feel that way.
I do agree that your wanting to take care of yourself too is also a valid thing to consider. You should also focus on making yourself better too. However, please just be honest with her.
She may be sweet and kind. But Filipinas are also strong.
Yes, she would cry and beg you to stay in the relationship, which would really make you feel guilty (the Filipino trait of tampo after all, is quite an effective tool to make an SO emotionally weak). However, once she realize that it can no longer go any further that what you have right now, she will eventually accept it and learn to move on. It sucks to be left behind but she'll adapt. They are after all very resilient.

Please give her that chance to properly move on by giving her the certainty that your relationship with her will no longer progress.
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Re: My Pinay gf in Australia?

Postby emmitt » Sat Oct 06, 2018 3:52 am

ariaQuin wrote:Yes, what you did is not right.

Although I do understand where you are coming from for Filipinas can sometimes indeed be very "clingy" and childlike, but by unceremoniously terminating the communication, you've been really inconsiderate of her not just as an SO but more importantly as a person. Nobody wants to be kept in the dark.

Regardless of the length of the relationship and the cultural differences, the decision to refuse to directly tell her your concerns is like a blatant disregard of her feelings. Is she not deserving of the truth?
Honestly.... she can't handle the truth. she takes everything the wrong way

-- Fri Oct 05, 2018 11:55 pm --

jabberwocky wrote:
emmitt wrote:I have a girlfriend that lives in Australia she is Filipina and I live in the United States we've been online dating for 2 years now and she drives me absolutely crazy lately.. if I'm tired and I want to go to sleep she still keeps me up and video chat and I keep hinting and trying to say that I need to go to sleep to go to work in the morning but he still ends up talking and keeping me on and it s usually just random silliness trying to teach me to talk het language in other things that are just we have two totally different times and I keep having to stay up till 5 in the morning and I m going to work exhausted and she never really understands every the last time I tried explaining it to her she thought that I didn t want to talk to her that I don t care about her and she always makes me feel that way I really don t know what to do.. but she is sweet and kind and I feel so bad.. so today I uninstalled my app and just disconnected myself from her without any warning or explanation.. I didn't want to explain because she will only make this harder..and make me feel bad, but I have a life to live and I will never be able to go to Australia because I work 10 hours a day.. did I do wrong?


Yes, you did wrong. How would you like to get ghosted after a 2 year relationship? How do you think she feels now? You should man up and do the right thing, set some boundaries and stop whining about being tired.
First off, i'm not whining and you don't know the kind of girl she is.. I doubt you could handle this as well and second, you don't know what I am dealing with because you probably don't work and sponge off of your family and you also probably sleep all day and third.. you're a troll.
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Re: My Pinay gf in Australia?

Postby ariaQuin » Sat Oct 06, 2018 4:00 am

I'm sorry if you felt that I thought that you're whining. If it came out that way then I would like to sincerely apologize. I earnestly didn't think that you are and I also am not judging her.

On the contrary, I can understand how she might possibly feel for I personally have seen and met girls like her.

*edited after sending due to late realization...sorry x(*

Oh I'm sorry, I thought that second message was still meant for me
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Re: My Pinay gf in Australia?

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Sat Oct 06, 2018 4:08 am

Hmm.

It seems as though you are not looking for an objective answer but for someone to validate your behaviour so that you don't feel guilty.

I am the queen of ghosting relationships. I even ghosted my last relationship while living with him until one day after not speaking to him for a month he came into the kitchen and asked if we were still together.

I would never expect anyone to validate my behaviour in that regard. No matter the circumstances, it's a mean thing to do. If you do it then accept that your action is selfish. Nobody is going to cheer you on. If you genuinely felt bad about it, you wouldn't do it.
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Re: My Pinay gf in Australia?

Postby Quoth » Sat Oct 06, 2018 4:22 am

emmitt wrote:
jabberwocky wrote:Yes, you did wrong. How would you like to get ghosted after a 2 year relationship? How do you think she feels now? You should man up and do the right thing, set some boundaries and stop whining about being tired.
First off, i'm not whining and you don't know the kind of girl she is.. I doubt you could handle this as well and second, you don't know what I am dealing with because you probably don't work and sponge off of your family and you also probably sleep all day and third.. you're a troll.

Please try to grow up.
as if in a broken jug for one backwards moment
water might keep its shape

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Re: My Pinay gf in Australia?

Postby ariaQuin » Sat Oct 06, 2018 4:23 am

xcagedsilhouttex wrote:...I am the queen of ghosting relationships. I even ghosted my last relationship while living with him until one day after not speaking to him for a month he came into the kitchen and asked if we were still together...


I hope I can give this a "like".
As a girl with Q-BPD, previous romantic relationships of mine also fell through because I would often run away. It's difficult to accept that one has that tendency though.

I hope OP and his SO can just talk and brave it like you and your previous partner/lover.
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