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Accountability Thread

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Accountability Thread

Postby accountable » Fri Apr 21, 2017 8:51 pm

Hi guys!
The last couple years have been a bit of a blur. I would say I spend at least 8 hours most days on the internet doing absolutely nothing. It's got to the point where I have failed my last year of university and had had several fights with my boyfriend because I never see him enough. I need to hold myself accountable so I am planning on posting here everyday (anyone else is welcome to join!) and hopefully weaning myself off of the internet before I ruin my life anymore. No one IRL knows just how unhealthy my habits are and writing it publicly, warts and all, might help me to get my head out of the sand a bit.
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Re: Accountability Thread

Postby accountable » Sat Apr 22, 2017 5:03 pm

Honestly, today did not go so well. But it is in my control. I have to use the internet to finish up my last few pieces of coursework but I spent from 9-3 today wasting my time. That's the funny thing, I numb myself so much sometimes that I have no idea what I have done.
I have began to count each half hour I can manage without browsing. The highest I have got to is an hour and an half. It's pathetic, but it's a start. Hopefully tomorrow will be better :)
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Re: Accountability Thread

Postby accountable » Thu Mar 21, 2019 1:32 am

You have no idea how much it hurts to read this. I have been telling myself things will get better for almost 2 years. Almost every single day I give up and go online.
I have tried to talk to people, but no one really understands the extent of this addiction.
My boyfriend broke up with me a few months after these posts. I completed university and got a job, but it was not enough. I went back to university, promised myself that this would never happen again.
Here i am.
I struggle to have conversations with people because I am so used to watching people talk.
I met guys, and had the chance to get back together with my boyfriend, but I feel so guilty about what happened I don't want to date anyone until I am cured.
This addiction has had a negative effect on everyone in my life. If I was not addicted to the internet, I would still be close with my sister, I would be able to give advice when my friends need help. I would feel love and would never lie to anyone.

###$ this so so much. I am sick of not being in control of my life.
I am turning the internet off from this moment on. I will report back (however successful) next time I am in the library.
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Re: Accountability Thread

Postby NewSunRising » Mon Mar 25, 2019 7:11 am

Accountable , when you do come back ( whenever that may be ) I want you to know this :

You are not alone and you are not a bad person . You have the power to change the things in your life that are holding you back and making you unhappy , Be kind to yourself , please , and understand that addiction is more than a bad habit or poor choices . It's a compulsion to engage in a behavior that we know is harming us in some way .

Compulsions can be so overwhelming and intense . It takes time and practice and perseverance to gain mastery over them . I ( a gambling addict ) personally do not believe there is a " cure " . There is only control . But isn't that enough ?

Please make a plan and do your best to stick with it . Do not be afraid of a set-back . It is not a failure .
Failure is giving up and allowing the addiction to drive the bus .

You can do this !
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Re: Accountability Thread

Postby Aries411 » Tue Aug 20, 2019 2:57 am

I hope you are doing well Accountable,

It is very hard to live life without the internet because it is so ingrained in daily life. Many may use the internet as an escape, the feeling of being connected or security. I think the first step is to understand why you depend on the internet so much and know what void it fills for you. After that, you should try to find health way to help fill in that void.
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