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internet feedback loop

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internet feedback loop

Postby IvyMercyLyons » Thu Dec 15, 2016 1:45 am

i would love if this were the 70s, and the internet was just a toolbox with a couple bbses that was rather difficult to access and use; unfortunately, as of recently i've come to know that, until i start college, i'll be alone for hours every day with a laptop and absolutely no objective for the day... roughly two months like this? it ends up being a feedback loop where my anxiety and boredom support my withdrawal depression and i end up feeling worse and worse.

the depressive element is not what bothers me alone, either; the overuse affects my personality, making me more emotionally volatile and very confused, my motivation to do just about anything not computer-related is sapped, and i become really anxious (i sleep with lights on often, sometimes even that doesn't help.)

to my whole extended family, addiction is "wanting to use the computer", withdrawal symptoms are irresponsibility, volatility is all me, motivation can be blamed entirely on laziness (they believe that yelling at me fixes it - i do go in this kind of loop where i eventually stave off computer use for a bit, and they give themselves total credit for it,) and anxiety is, thankfully, at least ignored; i harbor no hard feelings over it, but one can imagine that this equates myself having no support for the issue at the moment. i've tried to get employed, but my resumes don't get reviewed, or i did something wrong, or i missed the call by the recruiter, because basically i've never spoken to one, so a job hasn't helped.

i'm concerned that this is going to destroy my function and get me back to gaming before i manage to start or while i'm in college - i'll see an adult therapist for the first time in a number of days, but does anyone have any ideas to suggest? one thing that particularly disturbs me is how my mind sort of begs me to go back to gaming - is there a way to block or resist this? it's hard to think about much else, the rather empty day pretty much gives nothing interesting in life.
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Re: internet feedback loop

Postby NewSunRising » Fri Dec 16, 2016 5:09 pm

I found that combatting compulsion is hardest in the first few months . Distractions are invaluable .

Take a walk , do a puzzle ( not online - buy a book of them , like word search , cryptograms , crossword , Sudoku ) . Try a new recipe , go to the library ! Adult coloring books are good . Teach yourself to knit or crochet . Do an actual jigsaw puzzle . Learn origami , find a yoga class , volunteer for a non profit . Even a not-so-great-paying part time job can get you out of the house and away from boredom while you continue your job search .

Try everything , keep what works .

The thing with urges is that the longer you can hold out against them , the weaker they will become . Eventually , that nagging voice will become less and less potent and frequent . It does take time though and the interim can be maddening .

Stand your ground . You know why you are doing this - your current relationship with the computer is unhealthy and unmanageable . Stay strong and in the end , you will control your compulsions , they won't control you .

You are doing great - don't give up and don't give in .
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