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Time to say goodbye

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Time to say goodbye

Postby DensonB » Wed Jan 06, 2016 9:35 pm

I'm 33, used the internet since 1999 when we got the Netscape and aol discs in the mail. We didn't have a local server, so I had to call long distance to sign on.

I was hooked, mostly porn before going to school or chat rooms at night to escape from my nagging mother or friends who started to get into the party scene.

Over the first year, I developed an online relationship, so strong that I hopped on a bus to meet her... 19 hours away. Her parents never allowed us to meet.

I was once hired to tutor a younger kid, but once I found out they had the internet, I spent time trolling strangers rather teaching.

I was in a high ranking military job and rather eat lunch with peers, I'd rush back to my barracks room and play on the internet.

Porn addiction grew over the years as did sex chat rooms.

I distanced myself from real friends and found more similar people online. They never knew my real identity so I could troll/flame them if I ever felt the need to gain dominance.

I got into web design, which kept me online more. I thought it was positive work, but it always slid into other negative distractions.

Every job I've ever had which uses a computer, I found ways to rig up it's internet so I could surf.

I eventually married and had a child, but still waste time online with a phone, tablet, or PC.

I'm also a writer and distractions online have killed my career.

I check Facebook and Twitter obsessively, even with so little activity on my feed. I check the same instagram accounts of people I admire but never talk to them in real life.

I setup filters and web blocking software but find ways to bypass them within minutes.

I want to escape reality so bad, sometimes I'll spend a week planning vacations online that I'll never take.

I use my phone or tablet while lying down, so long until my arms go numb from holding it.

I tell myself "less use tomorrow" but find myself using it more.

I always feel that if I'm not online, I'm missing something important... More important than reality.

I've spent maybe 1/3 of my life online in the last 15 years and the longest I've gone without it was eight weeks while in boot camp. The first day of liberty,I was online at a internet café seeing what people said about me on old forums I visited.

I still Google old friends, crushes, and even that first internet gf, sometimes once a week.

I've shared my need to leave the internet with friends and family but receive the "yeah sure" treatment.

I'm tired of the internet running my life and have no where else to be vocal about it other than the internet.

I need to say goodbye. Now. And try to begin my real life again tomorrow.

Please wish me luck. I desperately need it.
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Re: Time to say goodbye

Postby Ada » Wed Jan 06, 2016 10:41 pm

Good luck to you, Denson. It's a hard thing to do. But it seems like it's going to be a positive thing for you to do.

Do you have solid plans for how you're going to fill your time? And around what works for you in terms of little dopamine "hits." Which is why Twitter and Facebook are so addictive. The "intermittent reward" nature of them. It can be replaced by various things, including exercise, hobbies, friends, etc. But that's very personal to you, of course.
We think too much and feel too little.
 More than machinery, we need humanity.
 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.

Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator
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Re: Time to say goodbye

Postby Kraf » Thu Oct 19, 2017 6:30 pm

didnt read much but good luck. make good stuff happen!
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