Idk what happened *may trigger*

Idk what happened... you're telling me five cops were at my parents home because I went over there and said and tried to kill my own mom. What is wrong with me? I know I have ptsd, and DID too, I can't remember so much, haven't a clue. Blocked out throwing the hatchet? Where? Aimed at my boyfriends head. I am a monster and better left dead. I tried to have the contract for someone to kill me so I wouldn't have to do it, but it didn't happen, I don't remember asking for it. One second I'm myself, the other I'm a little girl, then there's the angry one who's out of control. That's not all, there's way more. But, again "I'm sorry for _____" and don't fn remember. It's not me, it's rage, it's deep down resentments all locked in a cage.

Have you talked to anyone about this? I haven't had any rage fits, but I have a dissociative disorder, and I can relate to having to apologize for things I have absolutely no recollection of having done. It's an awful feeling. It's embarrassing and it makes you feel crazy