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Not Sure What's Wrong With Me

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Not Sure What's Wrong With Me

Postby PocketNinja » Mon Sep 25, 2017 1:29 pm

I have a problem with explosive anger and I guess IED suits me to some degree, but I think it might be something else and I'd really appreciate some insight.

So for as long as I can remember (I'm 19) I've had issues with anger management and it has gotten worse to the point where the slightest inconvenience (like losing a travel card, my sister accidentally taking my toothbrush with her on holiday, or not being able to find a particular vest I want to wear when there are others that I can wear) leads to a sudden explosive outburst.

The anger is like I suddenly lose control and rages from me getting into a heated argument, to going on a full tirade shouting, swearing, screaming, crying- at other people or to myself. But it's not like I lose complete control. I don't physically hurt anyone nor feel the need to. I do throw things and kick things and I used to rip up paper, but I'd never break anything. I also never do this outside my house. When I'm outside my house I just cry, mutter to myself and get this choking feeling. Maybe a few times I've shouted or snapped at people, but I'm usually good at holding it in until I get home. So I guess there's some aspect of control?

During these moments, in my mind I'm telling myself I'm being irrational and I'm thinking about the neighbours and I keep telling myself to stop, but I can't. My mind just refuses to focus on anything else other than the inconvenience. This goes on for maybe 30minutes or an hour (but it's hard to tell when I'm like that) and then I finally calm down but I just feel miserable and tired and guilty and hate myself for acting that way.

For some background, I haven't been diagnosed with any mental health conditions. No one else in my family behaves like I do. I would say I'm a naturally stubborn and argumentative person. I'm told that I don't know the right time to say things (like telling my mum something about science when she's trying to rush to work or church) but I just have to. Still, I can wait my turn if someone is talking to someone else. I don't know if I have some sort of social anxiety. I get nervous around people and often don't know what to say or how to act and it makes me feel kinda dumb. I get lonely a lot of the time and I think I have trouble connecting with people. I have a few close friends but I'm bad at keeping in touch and reaching out to them for help. I don't know why because I know that I can ask them for help, but I always decide not to and I literally don't know why. I'm actually confused about a lot of things about myself!

Sorry, this got a bit ramble-y but if you could give me some insight I'd be really grateful.
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Re: Not Sure What's Wrong With Me

Postby Looking_to_help » Wed Nov 08, 2017 7:36 am

Sounds like you might be describing 2 different issues that seem to be causing you equal amounts of distress, Social Anxiety and IED. Very often Social anxiety & IED can be treated together and those with IED can also exhibit a lot of social anxiety/embarrassment or fear that they will react with rage or impulsively in social situations, which might make them want to avoid those social interactions all together. While only a professional therapist or psychiatrist can diagnose you, it is certainly a good first step that you are self aware of your issues and your reaching out.
Good luck with everything!
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