Suicidal thoughts

Has anybody else here had suicidal thoughts whenever the subject of past violence comes up? I've been working on myself for a few years. I'm not perfect, but I'm in my twenties, completed a group therapy 3 years ago, and am medicated. I don't like my impulsive behavior. Heck, I hate it. But I know that I may very well hurt somebody again, and I'm afraid of that, particularly when it comes to those closest to me. Every time I think of my violent behavior, I feel terrible afterwards. I honestly ask myself whether or not I should end it - not because I hate life itself, but because I sincerely think I might be more of a burden (indeed, a source of harm) to people than a source for anything positive.

So, yeah. Has anybody else gone through this? If so, how did you get through it?

Hey buddy,

I can totally relate to the feelings of self-harm (suicide) following the high then crash that follows an explosive rant. I've even come to anticipate it mid-rant, making me feel even more like pushing harder because what the hell, I know I'm going to feel awful after anyway.

I'm going to start a new chain and would love for you to comment. I feel terrible now and I don't feel any of my doctors or counselors can even appreciate what it feels like when I have these experiences. I'm convinced only another male who has the same emotions (not just I get angry in traffic, too) can help me get to some understanding of why I want to hurt others so much when I experience what feels like injustice toward me.

Shout out to you for posting your feelings. Helped me more than all the psycho-babble I've heard all day.