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I want to try harder.

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I want to try harder.

Postby thegentlepath » Tue Jul 23, 2019 7:16 pm

The skin picking isn’t as bad as it has been, but it’s still there. My priority was elsewhere, but now it so happens managing the dermatillomania better will help my priority. I want to become more mindful of where & how it happens, for a start.

The bathroom mirror is a problem area. Leaning in to the sink is what does it. But I’ve also been picking at the scabs on my arms. Wearing shorts, I also started in on my legs too, but they’re not such a temptation for me.

Scabs. Pores. Ingrown hairs. Blisters. Pimples & blackheads, of course. My fingers are almost constantly scanning the surface of my person searching for any small imperfection I can make noticeably worse. I don’t understand it any more than the normies, but I do it anyway.

It feels good. In the moment.

It’s simply a matter of habit replacement.
Make a list. Check it twice.

Blah Blah Blah.
Shut up.
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby NewSunRising » Fri Jul 26, 2019 2:49 am

It sounds like you're making progress and you should be proud of that . Compulsive behavior is far more than just " making poor choices " . It's often a long and hard battle to change ourselves and baby steps can be far more important than they appear .

I think it's crucial to bring positivity into the picture . I got in the habit of celebrating even my tiniest victory ( albeit with a tiny celebration :D ) . Sometimes , just acknowledging out loud that I had an urge and didn't give in to it gave me a much needed " Yay Me ! " moment .
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby thegentlepath » Fri Jul 26, 2019 6:41 pm

Thank you, NewSunRising.

Had a lapse from about 10-11 am today. It was in front of the bathroom mirror. No one was home. Otherwise I’ve not been acting on the urge. The pressure builds. I have other outlets though. What is really behind all this? Compulsive skin picking is just the end result.
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby NewSunRising » Sat Jul 27, 2019 2:09 am

I'm not really sure , to be honest . My compulsive behavior was gambling and I've been in recovery for about 4.5 years now . I went through a lot of introspection . I can see some things that led me to develop the addiction but nothing that was out of the ordinary as far as normal life was concerned . I don't have any diagnosed mental illness and there is no personal trauma in my past .

Isolation was a factor , as was boredom . I was depressed but most of that was the result of the addiction itself . I suppose I could say that I have somewhat of an addictive personality but it's not extreme - no drugs , no alcohol .

There was no " Aha ! " moment . Just the realization that a destructive behavior was wrecking my life and I had the strength and ability to change that . You do too .
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby thegentlepath » Sat Jul 27, 2019 7:06 pm

It’s a process. I’m also isolated, by choice. It’s more manageable than the alternatives in my experience. But no situation is without its pitfalls. I almost wonder if it’s the shadow self clamoring for attention at times. I also have an idea of squirting myself with a water gun when I do lapse again. It works for the other animals. :|
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby NewSunRising » Sun Jul 28, 2019 11:36 pm

Hugs , TGP .

It won't work for you cos' you're not an animal . :D But positive reinforcement is a good option . Honestly , you're doing great . Fighting off urges is a full time job , for Pete's sake . It's baby steps .
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby thegentlepath » Mon Jul 29, 2019 2:04 pm

Oh but I am. :D It seems I have a veritable smorgasbord of compulsive behaviors from which to choose. I have been successful in developing some compulsions I & the others view as beneficial. So that’s a positive. Progress, not perfection. I have a few small scabs on my face, neck, chest, arms & legs. I will try to leave them alone for the next 24 hours. :wink:
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby thegentlepath » Fri Aug 02, 2019 5:24 pm

Friday, 10-11am, bathroom mirror, alone for once, is a time/place/circumstance I found myself in again today. I thought of this thread & was able to break away. The pressure builds though. Don’t let it stay stuck in the body, move around. Credit for breaking cycle/building new neural pathways. :wink:
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby NewSunRising » Mon Aug 05, 2019 1:19 pm

Big credit , HUGE credit .... :mrgreen:

That is brilliant update . Made me smile all morning .
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby thegentlepath » Thu Aug 08, 2019 9:33 pm

Thanks NewSunRising.

I haven’t been practicing being mindful about the picking lately. Seeing my face in the mirror today I would say it’s not the worst it’s been, but it’s noticeable again. :? Not touching my skin for the next 24 hours. :mrgreen: See how that goes. 8)
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