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I want to try harder.

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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby NewSunRising » Sat Aug 10, 2019 1:07 am

You got this !

24 hours is such an attainable goal to set . There's a good reason why " One Day at a Time " is so prevalent in addiction recovery groups .

I'll be here , rooting for you !
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby thegentlepath » Sun Aug 11, 2019 4:42 pm

Thanks NewSunRising.

Sometimes I need to go second by second. Refrained from touching my skin for two days. Then on night two, I felt the scabs on the back of my neck & reopened the wounds. :? Also did same such on arm. It is so relieving in the moment (endorphins?), but then there is the Aftermaths. :o Blood, for one. :oops:

So I recommit for another 24 hours. This time, instead of avoiding touching my skin, I leave my hand unmoving on the skin until the urge to pick my skin subsides. We’ll see though. I’m already doing 2 million other activities to kill time. This is just my latest workaround.

:mrgreen:
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby NewSunRising » Mon Aug 12, 2019 1:25 am

My tactic for overcoming my gambling urges was" try everything" . I acquired and discarded a couple hundred varieties of distraction over the first 6 months .

And yeah ...second by second . Those days are not fun . I slept a lot . Sometimes when the urges were brutally overwhelming , I got in the shower . Can't run off to gamble when you're naked and soaking wet . I was broke and desperate and half insane with the relentless voice in my head - but I was really , really clean . :mrgreen:
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby thegentlepath » Tue Aug 13, 2019 1:40 pm

I agree NewSunRising.

Despite everything, I am pick free at the moment. Wonders never cease. :o
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby NewSunRising » Wed Aug 14, 2019 7:08 am

That is a victory . Do something nice for yourself !

I made myself celebrate even the smallest of triumphs over the compulsion . I was so used to beating myself up over the failures . :(

I tried to find something to celebrate every day . Sometimes the most I could manage was " I got my ass out of bed today . Yay me . "

Keep up the fight . It gets easier the longer you do it and those little victories add up .
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby thegentlepath » Fri Aug 16, 2019 3:23 pm

I bought myself some bright red modeling compound. Then I made a crude humanoid shape & smashed it with my closed fist. Then I did it again. & again & again & again. It was satisfying. I’m feeling the pressure building though. It’s strongest right before sleep & then upon waking. I did a lot of scratching last night & this morning. Since my skin has had a few days to heal, there was no blood this time, only scabs. So I will commit to another 24 hours.
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby thegentlepath » Fri Aug 16, 2019 6:45 pm

Today will be one of those second-by-second days. I was pushing my luck with that bathroom mirror. Then I did a bit of grooming that made me very aware of my clogged pores. I thought of this this thread & didn’t stop. The family bursting in interrupted me. Being alone in the house is a temptation. I need to be alone though. What to do :?:

-- Fri Aug 16, 2019 10:46 am --

Don’t loiter in the bathroom, for one.
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby NewSunRising » Fri Aug 16, 2019 11:14 pm

Go outside , if not to walk , then to just sit for a while . Can you create yourself a little space that's just yours ?

Put on some headphones and do a jigsaw puzzle - the real kind . It'll keep your mind and hands busy .

Start a little container garden if you have the room and the sun for it . Herbs are nice , so are cherry tomatoes ( although it's a bit late in the season for veggies ) . If you grow lavender , you can use it for its sleeping / calming properties . You could grow garlic to keep the emotional vampires away . :D

Look into easy Yoga or Tai Chi videos on the web . You don't need to be an athlete . Simple stretches for 5-10 minutes a day can help as well as any full-blown gym routine . There's also a thing called Chair Yoga if you have mobility restrictions .
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby thegentlepath » Sat Aug 17, 2019 2:18 pm

Personal space is an issue. It’s a work in progress. I have a mat under a tree where I read. :D One Happy Place. I also find gardening beneficial on multiple levels. Stretching with YouTube is a great idea & also doing a jigsaw puzzle with earbuds. 8)
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Re: I want to try harder.

Postby thegentlepath » Mon Aug 19, 2019 5:42 pm

Struggled with this last night when I was tired. Drew blood in several places. I’ve been making & remaking a puzzle the last couple days but I want to try stretching too. Spending more time outside gardening & reading. Eating whole foods. Taking care of animals. Mindfulness meditation. Goals. Good sleep hygiene.
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