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new and SO frustrated with myself!!

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new and SO frustrated with myself!!

Postby momma2whw » Wed Jul 02, 2014 10:24 pm

Hello everyone...I come here out of desperation. I apologize for the super long post. I'm 28 and I have had anxiety issues most of my life, mostly with irrational fears that I can't shake (won't run the dryer at night EVER for fear of fire, lose sleep sometimes worrying about the house catching on fire, make my son sleep in my room when there are storms for the fear of a tree falling in his room...those are just a few). I had a total hysterectomy in 2011 and I swear my anxiety has gotten SO much worse since then. I can't take any hormone replacements so I'm sure that's making it worse.

For the past 2 weeks or so, I have been overbearingly afraid that I have ALS/MS. I have NO idea why my mind has fixated on this disease the way that it has. I have been scared to the point of losing sleep, losing appetite, and full on panic attacks. It all started when I kept having foot cramps at night. The really, really bad ones that take FOREVER to calm down and were on the top of my feet. Of course, I consulted google and what did I get...ALS. I brushed it off at the time. I started drinking a Gatorade G2 everyday and upped my water intake from 6 glasses to 8 and bam, foot cramps are almost gone. I'm pretty confident that they were from some sort of imbalance.

Then I read a story about a local woman who was diagnosed with ALS at age 38 and passed away 2 years later, leaving her 2 small children behind. After that, the foot cramps and google search popped back into my mind. I have been COMPLETELY consumed since then. I noticed twitches in the bottom of my foot while I was at the pool with my son and friends this past weekend and became so panicked that I had to leave.

I have been having neck problems since November of last year. I've been to my PCP and a physical therapist. I have an Ortho appointment next week. The PT said that all of my cervical vertebrae are shifted to the left and likely compressing nerves. I am almost 100% sure that this is what is causing all of my "symptoms" (arm pain, thumb pain, cramps in palm). I am so just SO irrationally afraid that while doing tests for the neck issue, they are going to find that I have something terrible, like ALS.

I hadn't mentioned any of this to anyone, out of fear of judgement. This weekend, I finally confided in my husband, who was supportive but obviously concerned about his spastic, blubbering, bawling wife. I haven't mentioned it again because even though he didn't say one thing out of line, I could see the "what in the world is wrong with her" look on his face.

I'm on Effexor for anxiety already, I wonder if I need to talk to my doctor about the new symptoms and possibly adjust my dose or try a new med? Thanks so much if you made it to the end of this LOOONG post.
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Re: new and SO frustrated with myself!!

Postby Ada » Fri Jul 04, 2014 2:25 pm

I did make it to the end. :) And if you'd like them, big hugs! That seems so very stressful. And it is hard to know how to talk about it to people.

Two things come up for me, on reading. Noting that I'm not an expert or professional of any kind. First is, yes. It would be good to talk to your doctor about this. It's not your fault you're having these thoughts. And they ARE difficult to deal with. So getting some help is totally reasonable. This isn't your "routine" anxiety.

Second is, it's better to know than not. So I'm glad that you are going forward with PCP / PT / Ortho appointments. The chances are 99.9% that they're going to help you with exactly what's already been diagnosed. If there IS anything else going on. You're in the right place to have it caught early and treated. So yes, being afraid is irrational. I don't mean to be unsympathetic. Because that is STILL a nightmare of anxiety, I appreciate that. Reminding yourself that you're looking after yourself and letting other professionals help may be a little helpful, perhaps.

Oh, there's a third thing. :D Don't beat yourself up over this! It's not "wrong" for you to be having these thoughts. They don't make you bad or stupid or anything negative at all. It would be a little unnatural not to reflect on mortality. When reading about other people's passing. Especially when you identify with their situation in some way. As you wrote, you've been living with different anxieties for years. You've done a good job of coping this far. And you will be OK with this too. I'm not saying it's easy. Or it'll disappear overnight or anything. But you're stronger than you might think. Keep going!
We think too much and feel too little.
 More than machinery, we need humanity.
 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.


Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator
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Re: new and SO frustrated with myself!!

Postby obsess » Thu Jan 19, 2017 1:35 pm

*mod edit*

I have autoimmune disease in my immediate family so I know it's scary to think about the potential of getting something.

Hope you get the help you need to feel a bit better very soon
29, female, divorcing+in a relationship, INFJ.
Medical Dx - BDD, OCD, Panic disorder/GAD, Depression, Perfectionism, Alcoholism, Derealisation.
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Re: new and SO frustrated with myself!!

Postby Ada » Mon Jan 23, 2017 2:31 pm

This was posted 2.5 years ago. ;) I very much hope the OP's situation has improved by now! Or at least that she has more knowledge about what she's dealing with.
We think too much and feel too little.
 More than machinery, we need humanity.
 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.


Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator
Ada
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