How to make yourself open up

Hello. I'd like to ask for advice.
I'm a very closed person, even though I have quite a few people I get along with and could say I like them, I'd never call anyone my "friend". I don't know how trust feels to be honest, so my existence is really lonely - I reduce my emotional caring for people to a minimal level and expect the same treatment.
At the very same time, I know I desperately need someone to care about me, because I don't care about myself enough to seek help, or more like I want to destroy myself too much to want that help, to even talk about anything regarding my suffering. I'm attending weekly sessions with a psychologist, but for it to have an impact on me I would have to open myself up emotionally.
Do you have any advice on how to make myself want to get better, get help? This is like trying to untie the noose I have made for myself and not wanting to untie it at the same time.

Hi there! I found your post very relateable so I feel the need to respond even if I don't have the perfect answer you, just know there are others out there with the same behavior (me). I think the best answer is to try and start with just ONE person, anyone you feel like you can open up too. Maybe it will be a stranger, maybe someone on this message board. As you get comfortable talking about your feelings and asking for help, then you will be more open to sharing these things with more people in your life. I know there is someone in your life that desperately wants you to open up, and if you can't then find someone on here. Its alot easier talking with people who can relate sometimes, so if all else fails... I'm here for you. Best of luck xo