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Turning from feeling sad to be feeling hopeful!!

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Turning from feeling sad to be feeling hopeful!!

Postby themissingme » Thu May 03, 2018 4:30 pm

I have spent the past few weeks being sad.. or the past few years really.. when my longest relationship ended couple years ago.. I lost hope in love and I never believed that people can ever love me for who I am again..the partner I had was the only person that have ever loved me unconditionally (almost unconditionally) and when it ended.. I hated myself for it too.. that's when I have decided to be sad and starting to give myself up.. (I have BPD trait by the way)

I was even more lost after I wasn't able to finish up my doctorate degree in Clinical Psychology and had to leave San Francisco earlier than I should.. (ended up with a master degree instead, luckily! but my goal was to become a clinical psychologist!!!) when my dream did not come true (despite how f**king hard that I had worked for the degree), I lost hope in life.. I hated the professors there because they didn't help me out..

since then.. I have chosen to be SAD all the time.. my spirit just gets more and more sad as life crushes me.. after I came back to my homeland (where my parents are), I started to work my ass off and build up my career outside of psychology.. I am doing great.. greater than anyone would have thought (including myself and my parents).. but I still don't have much hope in life.. and didn't really acknowledge/ register with my succeed...

I often function like a robot with little feelings and I am totally living on a survival mode.. with little passion in life.. little emotions at times and have no real friends around me.. (my best friend is back in the US) I am very efficient at work but leaving me with no real connections/ no relationships can be formed with anyone.. this life sucks.. and I am so d*** lonely!!!

after venting and sharing all my s*** here with you all.. for once.. I want to be happy again!!! I don't want to be the victim anymore and I really want to get my s*** together and BE HAPPY!!!
I want to be happy BY doing things that I like, I just picked up oil-painting again and it really makes me happy!!! I am already hitting the gym a lot but hey no one is smiling at the GYM! it's like our second job! having to work our ass off!!!
I have just bought some ingredients to cook on the weekend- gonna make lobster pasta with white sauceeeeeee.... :-P I am a big foodie so.. :-D (now you see why I had to head to the gym right? :lol:

the thing is, I am learning to talk more about my feelings (because of this forum, I have learnt to be more expressive and more openingly acknowleging my emotions)... I still feel upset but the feelings is slipping through more quickly than having it stuck on my chest...

I don't know how long can I keep up with my positive attitude! but I know.. I really want to be happy and I had enough of begging for people to love me or to give me the attentions.. I am going to do things that make myself happy, build up some hobbies that will make me feel proud of myself and be proudddd!!!
I don't need a BF in order to be happy!!! I want to be happy even it's just by myself!!!!!!

:D I hope that we can all feel better in time and I really hope that I can spread my hopes and positivity with you all too!!!
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: Turning from feeling sad to be feeling hopeful!!

Postby shock_the_monkey » Thu Jun 07, 2018 2:54 pm

this probably doesn't merit a reply, as i see no real question here. however, i will say that in as much as you choose to be sad, you can indeed choose to be happy. but this is about more than just choice. you have to give yourself permission to be happy. if, deep down, you don't feel that you deserve to be happy, even though you might be choosing happiness, you'll find yourself sabotaging your choice. happiness is actually a bit of a fallacy. no one can be happy all the time. being content is far more achievable. that is: not feeling that you need anything more than you have in any given moment. and being content is realising that it's your life. you get to choose how to live it. it's not anyone else's. and it's not up to them to live if for you.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
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Re: Turning from feeling sad to be feeling hopeful!!

Postby themissingme » Thu Jun 07, 2018 4:07 pm

shock_the_monkey wrote:this probably doesn't merit a reply, as i see no real question here. however, i will say that in as much as you choose to be sad, you can indeed choose to be happy. but this is about more than just choice. you have to give yourself permission to be happy. if, deep down, you don't feel that you deserve to be happy, even though you might be choosing happiness, you'll find yourself sabotaging your choice. happiness is actually a bit of a fallacy. no one can be happy all the time. being content is far more achievable. that is: not feeling that you need anything more than you have in any given moment. and being content is realising that it's your life. you get to choose how to live it. it's not anyone else's. and it's not up to them to live if for you.



thank you for taking the time to answer my hidden question. :-) you are amazing. and yes, you are right that this is exactly what is happening in my life, trying to sabotage things that I don't feel I am worthy to have (deep down and unconsciously). being content is what I should focus on, be grateful for what I have and appreciate it. Aware of what I have did not come easy and appreciate it more.
Living the life that I want and treat "me" well :-)
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: Turning from feeling sad to be feeling hopeful!!

Postby MarkP » Tue Jul 03, 2018 3:06 pm

Good luck with it! If you can be happy with yourself, others will be attracted to you.
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Re: Turning from feeling sad to be feeling hopeful!!

Postby themissingme » Tue Jul 10, 2018 1:56 pm

:-) thanks! I am learninggggg!!! to be happy with myself.. to enjoy what I do.. instead of expecting someone else to make me happy..
though I still feel lonely at times.. but I guess. it's okay right? :-)
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: Turning from feeling sad to be feeling hopeful!!

Postby MarkP » Tue Jul 10, 2018 5:50 pm

Well done! But Rome was not build in a day. Be strong and keep at it, and things will get better and better.
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Re: Turning from feeling sad to be feeling hopeful!!

Postby themissingme » Fri Jul 13, 2018 2:36 pm

MarkP wrote:Well done! But Rome was not build in a day. Be strong and keep at it, and things will get better and better.


there are days that I am better at enjoying the moment that I am living in.. there are times when I am overwhelmed and not taking it well. but it's all okay I guesss.. I don't have to be happy ALL THE TIME right..
I like the time when I am up here on the forum, sharing my feelings out.. :-) thanks for all of the encouragement!
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: Turning from feeling sad to be feeling hopeful!!

Postby MarkP » Fri Jul 13, 2018 4:13 pm

Good news! I don't think anyone is happy all the time, certainly not me! Treasure the good days, and steel yourself through the bad ones. For me, small things can give me a lot of pleasure: a cup of tea, a piece of music, a refreshing shower. Find the things that work for you, and use them often!
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Re: Turning from feeling sad to be feeling hopeful!!

Postby Jeanett » Tue Nov 06, 2018 9:33 am

Well done! But Rome was not build in a day. Be strong and keep at it and things will get better and better.
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