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Being Attractive/Finding my future soulmate

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Being Attractive/Finding my future soulmate

Postby insecureornah » Sun Feb 04, 2018 2:05 pm

Hey guys this is a new thread of mine I wanted to start. I've posted previously on the BDD forum discussing my disorder and the imperfections with myself and this ties in to that.

I've recently been noticing that my BDD has slightly been better. It was in horrid condition before but I'm feeling pretty intrepid to talk about my BDD as well as thoughts I've always had.

I'm heavily into families and kids. One of the biggest goals in my life is to have a beautiful wife and lovely little children. I'm steeped into hopeless romanticism and I've always been that way but for some reason I think wanting to be beautiful stems from it. I know relationships aren't always perfect and I feel like an idiot even posting this right now but I have to get it off my chest.

My BDD has always stemmed from me wanting to be an actor. I've always wanted me to be insanely good looking so I could be in movies and act any role I wanted. But ever since my BDD even my acting ability disappeared because I don't feel confident in myself. When I'm in any social setting I just try to "act" the good looking guy role. I exude confidence and talk to women like I'm justin bieber in the flesh. I'm a decent looking guy and I think the way I carry myself attracts a lot of girls. It's almost like tricking myself into good looks.

Anyhow being attractive has many worldly benefits and has statistically been proven to be beneficial in countless ways. It completely bugs the living crap out of me knowing that I won't ever be insanely good looking. I can honestly say I'm a genuine person but I feel like if I was handed good looks, women would fall for me. And I want women to fall for me so I can choose my soulmate (going back to my hopeless romantic habits). I would hate to fall in love with an insanely beautiful girl out of my league and not have the opportunity of being with her because of my looks. *let's say you argued that I shouldn't want her anyway if she's so much about looks* and you're right! But say if I did get the insanely beautiful girl, she obviously knows that I'm the lucky guy in the relationship. And I would hate to be the one that's on the leash so to say. I want to be the good looking guy that intimidates her and other girls so she gets jealous and loves me more.

It's a very weird concept I know. I know life isn't perfect and trust me when I say I'm grateful for everything in my life but sometimes I ask for too much. I just really want undeniably good looks so I can have my dreams and aspirations come to life. My acting career, my beautiful family, and most of all-- the ability to be the alpha. I want to be the one that gets to choose the woman and not have the woman choose me. I know it's a #######5 thing to say and it almost makes you question the "genuine" in my personality but idk. I feel like a lot of things have been taken away from me, from not being handsome.

I just want to fall in love with an insanely attractive girl with a great heart. I know I'd never ever treat her wrong or cheat on her. I would make her the happiest girl on earth. I just want that trust through my looks. Knowing that she's good looking, knowing that I'm good looking-- it draws a great parallel and healthy balance.

You can argue that even if it isn't an insanely attractive couple, you can always fall in love and have it be that same healthy balance with someone in your league but it's just hard. If you get the person "in your league," then you both will be looking at more attractive people. And you will acknowledge that, that attractive person is way more physically attractive than your significant other. It's hard to draw that same parallel with attractive people. If I looked like zayn malik, and my girlfriend/wife saw justin beiber walk by and he caught her eye. She can acknowledge his good looks but realize her significant other is just as good looking if not better AND she's in love with him! It's like an A+ competing with an A+ (+ love).

It's just that the hopeless romanticism is gone when I have all these variables. I think I'm just way to deeply involved in myself. What do you guys think? Please help me or give me some ideas. I need some critique.

Please don't give the generic. I know beauty is subjective but understand my concept. Good looks are proven. I can't be an actor the way I look but If I was more handsome that's the first thing I would do. I would love to be on camera and look great on video. I would love to be on set with other talented attractive people. I know looks isn't everything but tell me your point of view. I need to understand why I think the way I do.

Fun fact: I've also been cheated on. I think my BDD as well as my hopeless, hopeless romanticism is derived from as well. I think I just want a perfect relationship. The girl I dated was more attractive than me at the time and always chose the guy that was better looking (I gave her many chances). It killed my confidence and made me wonder what would happen if I had the good looks of the guy she cheated with. Would she have ever cheated? Anyways please leave some comments below. I really appreciate it if you read my post all the way through.

Thank you!!!
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Re: Being Attractive/Finding my future soulmate

Postby shock_the_monkey » Sun Apr 22, 2018 10:45 pm

elton john's 'goodbye norma jean' sums this up quite nicely ...

Goodbye Norma Jean
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you crawled
They crawled out of the woodwork
And they whispered into your brain
They set you on the treadmill
And they made you change your name

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did

Loneliness was tough
The toughest role you ever played
Hollywood created a superstar
And pain was the price you paid
Even when you died
Oh the press still hounded you
All the papers had to say
Was that Marilyn was found in the nude

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did

Goodbye Norma Jean
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you crawled
Goodbye Norma Jean
From the young man in the twenty second row
Who sees you as something more than sexual
More than just our Marilyn Monroe

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did

... it would be difficult to add to that, really.

Wikipedia - Marilyn Monroe

nevertheless, i suppose i ought to try. you could argue that marilyn monroe's legendary beauty was a blessing, and certainly it was what lifted her from obscurity. but men used her quite mercilessly. and there can be little doubt that she had a fairly wretched life ... and death.

to be obsessed with looks is to be superficial. it objectifies people. you can't have a meaningful relationship with an image, even one that's 4D. these are accessories. indeed, you can actually buy such accessories - they're called companions. i, personally, can't think of a much more empty experience.

and, of your BDD, it's well known that women aren't that impressed by looks. you're projecting this quality onto them. you even seem to be going out of your way to be rejected, as a form of self-fulfilling prophesy. if i were you, i'd be spending my time unmasking my BDD, because there's some aspect of your life experience that's created it. understand what that is and you can then understand how to control it. perhaps you'll then see beyond your own appearance and beyond the appearances of others too.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
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Re: Being Attractive/Finding my future soulmate

Postby RottenFish » Wed Mar 27, 2019 12:53 pm

Great relationships do exist. I didn't believe that until I found the guy I am with. We've been together for 7 years.

Being attractive is very important. If we are not attractive to our mates, that person will no longer love us. Attraction is what keeps two people connected. It's like the law of attraction.

Attraction is more than just physical beauty. Beauty is also emotional, psychological, and humanitarian. In order for us to stay connected to our soulmate, we need to encompass all facets of beauty. We need to connect with our mates on all levels.
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