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So terrified that I will be alone forever.

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So terrified that I will be alone forever.

Postby astrid646 » Mon Jul 25, 2016 10:47 am

Hi all, I thought I'd write in and reach out as I am in quite a dark place. I have developed this overwhelming fear that I will be alone for the rest of my life and it has been something which has been consuming so much of me.

I am 25 years old and was in a 7 year relationship from 17-23 with such a wonderful guy who I split up with on amicable terms. Him and I are still very close friends and I do not have any residual feelings for the relationship. Very soon (too soon really) after our break up I entered a short lived relationship of 2 months with a guy who kind of swept me off my feet. I was so reluctant to enter a relationship as I wanted to be single but I felt such a deep connection with him and felt this may have been a rare opportunity. Turns out this guy showed some behaviours which made me feel so depleted. One day he would be amazing, the next he would shift to become a very abrasive and inconsiderate boyfriend. I reluctantly ended this relationship and he put all the blame on me for the relationship not working out. I am so ashamed of myself as I am still yearning for him one year after breaking up with him! He is haunting me so much that I have moved to a totally new city as I couldn't bear the idea of bumping into him ever again.

I have been living in this new town for 6 months and although I like it more than my hometown, I am quite scared and lonely. This loneliness, teamed with the last unsuccessful relationship has made me feel that I might never experience a healthy, happy relationship again, that my healthy relationship of 7 years was just an anomaly and that it is over for me.

I'll be honest I don't want a relationship right now as I am well aware that I am not emotionally stable enough and would much rather establish myself in this new town and know myself outside the context of a relationship before I commit to another person. However, I experience so much fear that that person will never be out there when I am ready.

I tell people about my fear and many tell me that I am being absurd, that I am kind, attractive and intelligent and will definitely find someone in the end. The ex boyfriend who I was with for 7 years tells me that I was a wonderful partner that any man would be lucky to be with me. However, one person I spoke to agreed that my fear is reasonable as she has met so many women who are fantastic but have never managed to find anyone and that there is an excess of women who remain single for the rest of their lives. This has shaken me up a lot!

Has anyone ever been in a situation similar to mine and come to peace with it? Do any of you have any success stories of feeling like you would be alone forever but met a great life partner in the end?
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Re: So terrified that I will be alone forever.

Postby sandyk » Sat Mar 31, 2018 1:52 am

I had this fear every time I wasn't in a relationship. Although apparently I'm attractive, and kind as well I spent age 17-21 without any kind of lasting thing. I didn't even lose my virginity until I was 21, because all the guys I "dated" after graduating never lasted long at all, usually just a date or two, also I wanted to wait for someone special. However, during that entire time, although I didn't admit it myself, I held a flame for my best friend, even though he had a girlfriend, and that's around when we got together. We've been together since then, but we have faced a lot of obstacles.
It sounds like your still pretty hung up on the guy you dated after your serious relationship. I think once you get over that, you'll see that there really are loads of eligible guys out there. I do also think BPD needs a certain type of person or something.
Anyway, think I'm betting it's normal for Borderline people to have an unfounded fear of being alone forever. My Mom didn't even meet my Dad until she was at least 30 though, and they still had plenty of time to do everything and have a family.
I know what your going through, but I really don't think you have any reason at all to fear.
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Re: So terrified that I will be alone forever.

Postby MindOnAir » Sun Apr 01, 2018 1:15 am

From a different perspective, yes, I have accepted I will be alone forever. Because of my paranoia and anxiety issues.

Look at it this way, there are others in a worse position than you. Lucky you can just pick up where you are and move to a different city. Do you think other people can do that just as easily? No, they can't.

The next time you meet a guy you like, you don't have think that you need date him. You can tell if someone has red flags by just by being an acquaintance.

The less you expect anything from anyone, the less likely you'll get hurt. The world is getting crazier everyday. Just watch the news or read the newspaper. Being alone is gradually meaning the more safe you are.
Dx: Avpd, Paranoid Personality. Erotomania. Shoplifter.
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Medication: escitalopram 10 mg
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