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Histrionic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.
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Given the unique propensities of those who are faced with the issues of HPD, topics at times may be uncomfortable for non HP readers. Discussions related to HPD behavior are permitted here, within the context of deeper understanding of the commonalties shared by members. Indulging or encouraging these urges is not what this forum is intended for.

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Small Improvement

Postby Nonexistent » Sun May 31, 2020 4:32 pm

I managed to make it through a party without drawing negative attention to myself. I went to a small gathering of about 9 people. There was music and a pool and they were grilling meat. I got into the pool when I was invited in. I swam and floated around mostly quietly as I didn't have much to contribute to the conversation (I never do, and normally this bothers me and triggers anxiety and negative behaviors but I just remained calm) until I was invited to play a game. The entire time I basically just ate, listened to music, and listened to others' conversations. Was I uncomfortable? After 3 or so hours of not being involved in the conversation, of course I became uncomfortable. But I also have this fear of saying the wrong thing and being judged or embarrassed. So I was able to tolerate it because not being involved was better than embarrassing myself. Either way I enjoyed some of the conversations, I spoke only when I had something relevant to say, joked around a little, and mostly enjoyed myself even though I felt like I didn't belong at one point.

I got a bit bothered towards the end when one of the ladies (pretty sure she is HPD also) decided to take a phone call in front of everyone arguing with her roommate. She could have stepped out like I did shortly after when my mom called me with drama. I've never thought it polite to take calls in front of people at a gathering. Then she proceeded to make the conversation about problems she is having with her roommate. I will admit I'm jealous of her and her ability to relate so well to everyone around her. But that's a whole other post.

Anyway, I made it through without crying or having an anxiety attack or running away. I sat with my feelings and dealt with them properly. And when I got home I didn't cry. I think that's improvement, even if only just a little.
Nonexistent
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