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more info on appeasing hpd?

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more info on appeasing hpd?

Postby thighhighs » Wed Jul 03, 2019 1:05 pm

what are the compulsive traits of appeasing hpd? as in the nature of appeasement itself? where can i find the best sources of information on that subtype? xx
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Re: more info on appeasing hpd?

Postby shimtie » Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:38 pm

https://www.alpfmedical.info/personality-disorders-2/variations-of-the-histrionic-personality.html

Appeasing is a terrible use of the word.

Preamble: I'm not invested in the current categorizations of disordered individuals. Geologists and biologists do the same thing, categorize what they study. What's important is behavior. We'll always have people who pander or act servile. The reasons WHY is forever worth investigating. But where such a sub-trait belongs in terms of those or are fixed and inflexible in their non-adaptive behaviors...anyone's guess is good as mine.

Not an expert, my research is restricted to normal psychology but my impression is, more like "servile" and "pandering". Could be outwardly, ostentatiously pro-social, biggest volunteer in the city and everyone knows it. This is the tamed HPD that has was taught early some morals so they somehow restrict their activities to that which is perceived as socially acceptable. Seeking big wins in terms of being noticed and appreciated and being denied it frustrates and deflates them.

Also if you see this kind of behavior that doesn't mean it can't be altered unless it's truly compulsive. I.e. a competent diagnoses is the most important signal and if it's missing be slow to assume someone can't change (and this board is full of sad stories of folks who did eventual have to come to such a conclusion)

Anyway Make no mistake my friends, this brand of servility doesn't make for an attuned partner that can build a mutually intimate relationship. A healthy partner wants emotional intimacy and to feel seen; an HPD doesn't offer that.

The appeasing HPD's attempts to please are intended to purchase a place in others' lives (partner, children, numerous affair partners, boss coworkers dance/yoga instructor the cashier at the grocery store the food truck) that will bring them happiness, when what they really need is psychotherapy and a program of change wherein they develop a Personal Identity.

...but there is no ability to be genuinely attuned to others.

Notable resentment for not being recognized. (No amount of attention is enough.)

One sign is that if it's amoral, it's pandering. I.e. are they promoting that which is unwholesome in others but they hope will endear them to the victims?

For the worst HPD, they don't really know what is moral or wholesome, or what brings happiness. There is an unawareness, ignorance of those issues which is core to these disorders. What's become important is superficial aspects of life, for the HPD especially stimulation in the form of attention.

Is it a pattern? If it's not ongoing, it's not compulsive. However they can temporarily look healed to someone with a limited perspective: the behavioral pattern could be inconsistently spread out over a hundred individuals so one needs a birds' eye view of the often-guarded/secretive HPD's life.

In fact, such it must be. Remember, no amount of the attention and acceptance from one person is enough. It's too boring and under-stimulating to the HPD. There has to be constant rotation of fresh audience members to witness the dramatic performances of their supposed uniqueness. One admirer will never find the words and gestures adequate to calm and stimulate the HPD because the hole is insatiable.

Ah. But a PD can temporarily submerge in the presence of substances; PD person figures this out consciously or not and often starts using. (again a competent psychotherapist who can somehow get through their defenses might have a tiny chance of helping the MILD PD person getting insight into him/herself with lasting behavioral changes that alter their futile search for acceptance, peace and lasting happiness)

There's more to the picture; has to be differentiated between Bipolar which is both more severe and more treatable (lol!), borderline PD and others; comorbidity possible especially anxiety and depression. A BPD person can do much of the above but with some additional symptoms. Aloha
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Re: more info on appeasing hpd?

Postby shimtie » Tue Jul 16, 2019 12:45 am

p.s. or even beyond unwholesome, i.e. debilitating. Awareness/insight about the destructive aspect varies, and vola! Not necessary in order for it to happen.
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Re: more info on appeasing hpd?

Postby xdude » Wed Jul 17, 2019 2:02 pm

shimtie wrote:Appeasing is a terrible use of the word.

Preamble: I'm not invested in the current categorizations of disordered individuals. Geologists and biologists do the same thing, categorize what they study. What's important is behavior.


For whatever it's worth, I am also not very invested in categories and labels when it comes to disorders. It is maybe useful for professionals, and those who are trying to figure out what happened, but I really doubt it will provide any deep insights. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. I get the want to sort the whole world into the practices of science, but when it comes to personalities, I really doubt we can see other's personalities in any entirely scientific away. Biases, our own beliefs, and our ability to see generally, is murked up by our own personalities.

That written, I understand why you are seeking answers. It can all be very confusing. Please feel free to write as you need, and ask questions; sometimes 90 degree answers work.

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