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HPD is obvious but is this all, or is there something else?

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HPD is obvious but is this all, or is there something else?

Postby Lost4now » Wed Jun 26, 2019 5:45 pm

I believe an ex-GF who I still care about has HPD, but is no longer functioning as an effective human being. I can no longer be in the same room with her and even talking on the phone is challenging (if I can get a word in edgewise)
She matches all of the symptoms from the DSM to a tee and then some . I love her as a person very much, though I realized before her last 'break out' of symptoms that I can't be in a relationship with someone that needy. I have too many responsibilities to other people (like my sons,work,friends, students)

She keeps going to Doctors and getting psych meds like respiridone and lamictal (splng?) but she has gotten worse and worse and has turned into a broken record, reciting a litany of her medical, emotional and mental symptoms.... and now adding housing and finance to the list. It started about 5 months ago and is getting progressively worse.

I found out (a bit too late ) that she has been hospitalized several times before and also has a suicide attempt under her belt. She hasn't threatened that yet, but she is taking ZERO steps to help herself out... Just driving in circles repeating her dilemma's to anyone who will listen. She has lost her jobs, refuses to move to a home or shelter and is fast running out of money and resources to stay off the street.

I am angry at the doctors. I paid for them and they just handed her a scrip and left her.

Is there any hope? Does she have some co-morbid thing that's gnawing her? I wouldn't mind helping her financially if it would do anything to stop the slide, but so far nothing has worked and she is fast losing touch with reality...and any time I try to intervene she delsusionally thinks I am trying to re-ignite our relationship (which is non-existent)

help?
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Re: HPD is obvious but is this all, or is there something else?

Postby xdude » Sat Jun 29, 2019 10:11 am

Assuming she does have HPD as you believe, yea, realistically there is nothing you can do. That doesn't mean it's hopeless, it just means she will change when/if she is ready. She may never be ready, but if she is, it's probably going to be due to some paradigm shift moment (or maybe growing out of some of it due to aging).

As for her seeing a doctor, just curious, is she seeing a psychiatrist? Even if so though, problem is they may not want to conclude "I can't help you until you are ready" - medications aren't going to change personality disordered thinking/beliefs.
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Re: HPD is obvious but is this all, or is there something else?

Postby shimtie » Thu Jul 04, 2019 3:57 am

Watchit. You have a decent life and you could get sucked back in. Why would you be the ongoing savior/rescuer? Are you aware that these dynamics often get people into these relationships in the first place? (I'm not asserting that's your case as I don't know the history).

The meds just temporarily stabilize things they aren't a solution. Occasionally HPD type folks will start a determined program of change with an aptly-matched psychotherapist and tight management of all their issues, with all their willpower going towards living as grownups. But that would be a fairly high functioning one.

Of course, de-rigeur is to question the HPD label and to realize that the basic differential diagnosis is BPD. HPD's tend to be...okay functioning in basic survival but yours seems kinda outta control which raises ??? that this could be something worse than HPD or HPD + other things. Aloha.
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Re: HPD is obvious but is this all, or is there something else?

Postby xdude » Fri Jul 05, 2019 9:36 am

We have definitely have had a small handful of people with HPD here on this forum who made that huge shift, self-awareness, a strong will to change, but in all of those cases that I recall it appeared the change was motivated by losing someone so significant to them that they turned their life around. Such people also tend to leave the forums, so I have no idea of those changes stuck. Hopefully for them yes it did.

I can't prove this, but I believe those people also already had that introspective nature as part of their core personality. Not everyone does, and without that will/want to introspect, change is probably not going to happen.

In other words, the motivation has to come from within them. It's not going to come from others.
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