Our partner

male histrionics

Histrionic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: xdude

Forum rules
Attention Please. You are entering the Histrionic Personality Disorder forum. Please read this carefully.

Given the unique propensities of those who are faced with the issues of HPD, topics at times may be uncomfortable for non HP readers. Discussions related to HPD behavior are permitted here, within the context of deeper understanding of the commonalties shared by members. Indulging or encouraging these urges is not what this forum is intended for.

Conversations here can be triggering for those who have suffered abuse from HPDs. .
Non HPD users are welcome to post here, But their questions Must have a respectful tone.
If you are a NON and have issues with an past relationship with an HPD person, it is suggested that you Post in a Relationship forum. Here is a link to that forum: relationship/

For those who have no respect for either this illness or for those who are living with it, please do not enter this forum. Discrimination of Personality Disorders is not tolerated on this site.

Moderators are present here to ensure that members treat each other with dignity and respect. If topics become overly graphic or drift from having a healthy perspective, moderators will intervene.
Please feel free to contact a moderator if you have any questions or concerns.

Best Regards,
The Team

male histrionics

Postby Guest » Tue Apr 18, 2006 12:43 am

Seems likes every girl is a HPD...

Females have a way of dressing and a way of using their body to attract males as a HPD... how does a male do that?

"The essential feature of the histrionic personality disorder is a pervasive and excessive pattern of emotionality and attention-seeking behavior. These individuals are lively, dramatic, enthusiastic, and flirtatious. They may be inappropriately sexually provocative, express strong emotions with an impressionistic style, and be easily influenced by others (DSM-IV™, 1994, p. 655).

The ICD-10 (1994, p. 230) describes the histrionic personality disorder as characterized by shallow and labile affect, self-dramatization, exaggerated expression of emotions, suggestibility, egocentricity, self-indulgence, and lack of consideration for others. These individuals may engage in inappropriate seductiveness and overconcern with physical attractiveness. They are easily hurt and seek continuous excitement, attention and appreciation."

Im curious how do males fit into this description? Examples?
Guest
 


ADVERTISEMENT

Postby KontrollerX » Tue Apr 18, 2006 7:17 am

I believe a male HPD would probably lure their female victims in by acting like a lost little boy in need of a mother.

Not very different from how a female HPD searches out older men much of the time and acts like a lost little girl that puts across the illusion that she will reward you with love and sex if only you were to take care of her.

This of course is all an endless search for a father figure since their real fathers tend to be either A. abusive B. abusive narcissists (abusive because they neglect and tend to be emotionally and physically distant or abuse their children sexually mentally or physically) or C. abandoned her when she was young or was never there at all other than to conceive the poor girl so she yearns for a real father figure and keeps seeking them out in the men she gets involved with or befriends to prospectively get involved with them later if they measure up ie have some status so she can leech all the attention off of being the girlfriend of ______ etc.

Anyway other literature I read says male HPD's also act ridiculously macho and still other literature I've read said Prince and Richard Simmons are examples of HPD's.

I agree Richard Simmons is very dramatic but I disagree he is HPD.

Why?

Simply because he really cares about people and thats evidenced by his trying to help other people lose a lot of weight like he once did.

So Richard I believe is an example of a healthy thing called the dramatic personality type which could also be called the histrionic personality style not the disorder.

Other examples of famous healthy dramatic/histrionc personalities would be...

Robin Williams, Drew Barrymore and Jenny Mcarthy.

Prince on the other hand well...

I've read many tales of his heartlessness so I believe him to be an excellent example of the male version of the disorder.

HPD's aren't necessarily heartless out of maliciousness just so you know. They appear this way to the observer because they are so wrapped up in their own emotional dramas they just don't have the time to think about anyone else but themselves.

Thats pure HPD's.

The HPD's that are dual diagnosed with NPD or ASPD will do things out of maliciousness because those bad traits go with those other disorders when people with that feel wronged or slighted or are in need of amusement and believe only doing something to hurt someone will end their boredom and provide them with stimulation.
KontrollerX
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 524
Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2005 8:33 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 17, 2019 8:26 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Postby kjacob » Tue Apr 18, 2006 7:33 pm

I've had an intense relationship with a HPD/Borderline male, and I'm still mourning the loss. This people can really touch your heart.

I would have a lot of examples but I've no time in these days, and the idea to bring up recent memories doesn't appeal to me, frankly.

Just one episode: he was my boss, the team leader of a temporary crew. We were in a *very* formal environment. He came the first day of work half drunk. After a week, he was lecturing us on our duties and after a particularly dry observation about some uses of the company he added "maybe I'm saying this only because I'm on coke" (he really was). One of the last days, during a presentation where he was presentings slides on the workflow, he put on a slide where he had written "kjacob I long for you". Romantic? Yep, it's sort of romantic. But when I learned that he had at this moment an ongoing relationship with another woman in the group, I was stunned.
He invited me to dinner and at the appetizers immediately said "now we are going to my house and make love". As I am a tough cookie and I don't accept to be treated like that, not only I agreed, but I actually got up and said without a smile "ok, if it's only this that you want, let's go now, you can spare the money of the dinner". He was scared!

I guess he has been sort of scared of me all the time. Some time after the end of my shift in his group, he got fired and the boss of the company even phoned me out of the blue asking if he had any inappropriate conduct toward me, because he was having it with others all the time.

Our relationship has lasted about a year. We parted last week. I was seeing less and less of him and decided it would be time to call it a day. He is already seeing another woman - he probably was doing this all the time, I guess. I miss him dearly, alas. He was a bit afraid of me for various reasons, and has always respected me. But I know he has been *very* mean to other women, using them relentlessy without any respect, and this is a very bad omen. He still says he loves me, but I have a hard time believing it. I knew from the start that this relationship wasn't going to work, and I'm even surprised it lasted so long. But the heart has its reasons, and I think of him often.
Last edited by kjacob on Tue Apr 18, 2006 7:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
kjacob
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 34
Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2006 10:52 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 17, 2019 12:26 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Postby kjacob » Tue Apr 18, 2006 7:41 pm

I forgot a very important detail. He was often describing himself in the role of the victim and asking for pity, at least at the beginning. Then this subsided, in the last months often he acted in a more mature way than me, but managed to surprise me saying seriously "I see you as a mother". Geez! Who want a 40ys old little child? He's my senior, has been my boss, my teacher and my lover, and sees me like a mother...
kjacob
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 34
Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2006 10:52 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 17, 2019 12:26 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Postby Guest » Tue Apr 18, 2006 7:51 pm

Thank you KontrollerX! I read many of your awesome posts here, you are very knowledgeable.

I agree Richard Simmons has some traits, I too think he cares about people. Robin Williams... havent payed much attention to him... and Prince... havent seen much of him either.

A male HPD whose Mother and Father ignored him through childhood and his teen years, a bad relationship, these parents should be separated because this is no bonding, no intimacy, they are no where alike... constantly argueing and verbal fighting.

This male HPD would seek females who would adore him and shower him with the attention that was lacked while growing up.... correct?? A female that would be his new playmate per say where he would feel needed, wanted and loved?
Guest
 

Postby kjacob » Tue Apr 18, 2006 7:59 pm

A female that would be his new playmate per say where he would feel needed, wanted and loved?


Mmm....yes, but in a doormat style. We often have had fights because of his unrealistic expectations, style "you have to be there when I need you and don't break my b...s when I'm occupied elsewhere". His long-lasting ex wife was incredibly naive, gullible, submissive and adoring. But, interesting enough, the "love of his life" was an unavailable and detached intellectual woman. I also discovered that the best way to prevent our problems was to act not too lovingly. Who knows.
kjacob
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 34
Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2006 10:52 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 17, 2019 12:26 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Postby Guest » Tue Apr 18, 2006 9:15 pm

Im really interested in convo between a HPD and a non-HPD... examples of a,


HPD and someone who they get their "supply" from easily.

and

HPD and someone who they dont get their "supply" from easily.

-

I am under the assumption that HPD's would known to be extremely perverted... but arent most people perverted at certain times... or HPD's are always perverted?
Guest
 

Postby kjacob » Tue Apr 18, 2006 10:00 pm

Perverted? What do you mean exactly?

At the very beginning of our relationship, his behaviour was outrageous. Leaving me waiting for hours, cancelling dates at the last minute. Terrible. I left him.
Then he discovered I had a high reputation towards his peers network, and a reputation to be a difficult catch. He discovered that I was the author of an e-zine that his peers read. - Hey - I guess he thought then - I can be the lover of a woman the others can only read. I'm the best! - and he came back, really changed in his behavior and a lot more bearable.

I was a "difficult" supplier, for him, although not so difficult as his "love of the life". I've a paranoid personality style, you know the kind of beast: protecting and giving, but asking ruthlessly honesty in return. Not the perfect partner for an HPD.

Surprisingly, it worked, at least for a year. I guess the key is not only the "easiness" with which this kind of man can obtain supply from you. It's also the value who he attaches to your individual supply. And the value seems determined not from individual preference, but more - at least in our case - from a social point of view.

I try to explain this: I know well both his submissive ex-wife and his "life love". You couldn't imagine two women more different between each other. His ex-wife is - sorry for using such a harsh word, but it's without any hostility - actually quite stupid. He's a litterate and intelligent man and frankly I couldn't imagine their domestic dialogue. But she's rich and very beautiful, so I suppose he thought "geez, look what a beautiful woman I've catch. I'm the best": supply. The other woman was just the opposite: quite ugly, but highly intelligent and (which is more important for my thesis) a professional and famous writer with more than ten books published: supply in truckloads!!

I couldn't forget that the very evening we decided to be together he couldn't resist but bring me to all the bars and nightclub he is known in, and even to the very group of friends that are the readers of my e-zine! I guess he wanted to show his catch.

The key point seems to be social acceptance in this case, but I don't know if this apply to all the HPD's.
kjacob
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 34
Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2006 10:52 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 17, 2019 12:26 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Postby kjacob » Tue Apr 18, 2006 10:13 pm

Still about the "easiness": in my experience, being "reasonably difficult" is maybe the best option, if any. This kind of man discounts quickly something he can obtain too easily (but I guess that with the ex-wife, this was compensated by the high value he attached to having catch her in the first place). On the other hand, the unavailable intellectual woman made him obsessed but not more loyal or loving or predictable - I sometimes wonder if she at end left him for the very reasons I left him for.

This is not what I expect from a relationship. I guess I want him but not at all costs, and having to calculate and weight my attitude it's a price that I don't want to pay. Still, I'm sitting there and thinking of him, instead of doing something useful.
kjacob
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 34
Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2006 10:52 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 17, 2019 12:26 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Postby Guest » Tue Apr 18, 2006 10:14 pm

I know women when they meet a guy they like to claim they caught a big fish... but then play up that theyre the bigger fish...

LOL... this seems to be how all HPB's work?


My assumption of perverted may have been Way out there... but what I meant was I saw a few posts that were similar "Pleasure me now, pleasure me now!!" something to that affect... kinda like "lets just have sex now"

also in your post "and now we will goto your place and make love" thats what made me allude to the fact... I suppose I got the wrong idea.

In my opinion,

At the very beginning of our relationship, his behaviour was outrageous. Leaving me waiting for hours, cancelling dates at the last minute. Terrible. I left him.


This right here, is very typical behavior of a male who has been rejected from another female... either once... and learned quickly...

I suppose a HPD recognized this type of personality in the female and "copied" it to his... or a male that was rejected several times and finally figured it out.

It was stated in a previous thread (many) how HPD's change their personality in tune to other people.

At the very beginning of our relationship, his behaviour was outrageous. Leaving me waiting for hours, cancelling dates at the last minute. Terrible. I left him.


Also I add, this behavior is actually taught in the "Dating Game"... also known as "being a player"
Guest
 

Next

Return to Histrionic Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 39 guests