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Anxious to start No Contact we decided with Ex after today..

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Anxious to start No Contact we decided with Ex after today..

Postby Asadgirl » Sat Apr 09, 2022 10:44 pm

I were in a relationship for 8 months with a 30 year old man (im 33). He recently broke up cause he said he is not ready to Seattle down yet but want to party, travel and be free till he is "satisfied" and ready for the next more serious step (which for us would be moving in together, engagement, marriage.. kids). But he never was sure if he wants kids or not so I think this breakup might be for the best since im 33 and stressed to start a family before its too late. I got endometriosis which make it even more difficult to get pregnant. Anyway, im devastated because we love each other, but he is not mature yet for us to thrive more.

During our 8 months we have same friends, parties, travel 1 week, met each other families/parents, celebrated both Christmas and our birthdays. The only big issue ive noticed is we are quite different in terms of values about money, he likes to save and i want to spend... and also our lifestyles are different (he likes to drink and i want to exercise he never does for example..)
Yet we found love in each other and i wanted us to continue our relationship but he feel its better i find someone older and more goal-oriented since he doesn't know what he want... He says he might regret losing me but it might take time, months or years.. He wants to be done partying but feels corona came in the way and he probably has a 30-crisis cause he feels he´s getting older (grey hair etc).

We decided im getting my last stuff at his apartment tomorrow and start no contact directly after that. But im TERRIFIED. We have had contact several times/hours a day ever since we met and he is my comfort and safety. I dont want us to stop talking and all but i know its probably for the best since he can´t be my boyfriend anymore right now...
I hope he´s gonna miss me and want me back fast in the most 1 month, but im afraid the process might take years.. I' m also afraid he might be sleeping around despite he says its not what he´s looking for. I foresee it might be hard for me to digest if he has been with other women and comes back to me but i know that's probably what might happen

I´m very sad, heartbroken and depressed right now.. only thing i do is work, exercise and clean apartment... I should meet my friends (they wanted to take a coffee tomorrow but im really not keen on acting happy when im feeling dead inside). I have a best friend im talking to on the phone a lot though, it helps me get through this perhaps.
My questions are:
1. Basted on the above; how much chance 1-100% is it he might be coming back and want to have me as wife for life?
2. When do you guess he might come back? (He told me after summer the least... which i'm angry about, since i waited all winter with him for the summer fun activities we would do otherwise)
3. What should i SAY and DO when i meet up with him tomorrow to give me best chance he comes back fast? (I'm thinking about trying to look my best and act nice, trying not to cry too much... he never cries and i'm a cry-baby)
4. How can i cope with the upcoming no-contact? Im already trying to do "healthy distractions" but its gonna be very hard when i get the big urge to talk to him (imagining it would help him coming back but probably not) and I must restrict myself

I might add I have anxious attachment due to almost never having my father in my life. And he has both parents still married so its secure attachment.

Wish i wasn't this sensitive, have cried so many tears already and many to come
/Brokenhearted
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Re: Anxious to start No Contact we decided with Ex after today..

Postby myusername77 » Fri Apr 15, 2022 2:55 pm

Hi

I too am doing the no contact soon. I am terrified as well. My wife has delusional disorder jealous type. She has been my comfort for years but the accusations of cheating are taking a serious toll on me. I realize she will never stop and she refuses to even go talk to a doctor period.

You are obviously in the denial phase of grieving. Everyone says it will get better with time but as we both know it is just downright excruciating fear that few can understand except those having to confront it head on.

I have no words other than you are not the only one dealing with this.
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Re: Anxious to start No Contact we decided with Ex after today..

Postby myusername77 » Fri Apr 15, 2022 5:29 pm

I wanted to add a few things that help me cope.

1.) I keep my mind busy by fixing stuff in my house. I am redoing an old bathroom. Guys like to fix stuff. But I bet there are things you like to do that can keep your mind off of focusing on your loss. Hobbies reading but pick something that you did NOT do together. Watching romantic movies would probably not be good but painting or planting flowers just as an example may be.

2.) Talking to people that you trust who will just listen and not offer advice. They will just listen and reply occasionally with yes or I bet of course it will get better.

3.) Sadly for me night is always the hardest. Alone trying to sleep my mind focuses on the memories. Not much comfort other than watching YouTube videos that teach how to understand thoughts and the Maslow hierarchy of needs pyramid helped me alot. Plenty of good doctos on there and you don't have to leave the house.

Moving towards acceptance is a slow and painful process.
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