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Why am I not grieving???

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Why am I not grieving???

Postby TreesAreGreen » Fri Jun 15, 2018 1:15 am

I lost my father 2 years ago to cancer, he was terminal for a year beforehand which was really tough. I watched an extremely proud man lose everything; his job, his energy, his fire and in the end his dignity.

We are so similar in nature, which resulted in our relationship being tempestuous, but ultimately we loved each other dearly. He was the strongest person I know & I miss him terribly.

What I am puzzling over through is that I don’t feel that I have grieved for him. After the funeral I bucked up and got on with it. I push the thought of him to the back of my mind unless I have had s drink and then I get upset. I have yet to visit the grave, I cannot bring myself to. I don’t know how the grieve and would appreciate any pointers. Thank you.
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Re: Why am I not grieving???

Postby shock_the_monkey » Fri Jun 15, 2018 10:33 pm

you're afraid of loosing control. so, you're holding it all in. grief is a very personal process. no one can tell you how or when you should grieve.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
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Re: Why am I not grieving???

Postby Wally58 » Sat Jun 16, 2018 12:24 am

It's different for everyone. Shock and stunned is usually the first stage. It may not seem real at first.
Not all grief stages may appear either. You may be convinced that the deceased is in a better place now and find a sense of relief from that. You may also experience survivor's guilt.
There are those little reminders from time to time that may bring back a flood of memories and feelings. I guess that when it finally sinks in is when we can process it.
I do know that alcohol and other substances can keep us from dealing with our emotions properly. Some drink themselves numb or drink in order to forget. Avoid this.
There are grief counselors and 12-step programs to help the process along.
My mom passed 6 years ago. I drive her car now. I used to say that 'my mom no longer drives' until I was able to say that 'my mom passed'.
It does help me maintain a 'connection' with mom, but there will be a day when I have to let go of the car too.
I have lost pet cats and lovers that I have wept for. I probably was weeping more for me than for them. They are at peace.
Honor the dead and comfort the living.
Best of luck to you. :D
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