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Confused on how my mind is processing a break up

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Confused on how my mind is processing a break up

Postby TrulyAshamed » Sun May 13, 2018 9:42 pm

We broke up 5 months ago. At first i was depressed, super anxious all the time. It was awful. Now im still sad, but i have days where im ok. My emotion towards her in general as decreased.

BUT

What im so confused about is how i think im okay and then all of a sudden ill get hit with all these emotions.

I can think about her sleeping with someone else and It wont bother me and then other days ill think about it and it will rock me to my core.

I hate how i think about her so much. she doesnt deserve to be in my mind.
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Re: Confused on how my mind is processing a break up

Postby shock_the_monkey » Sun May 13, 2018 10:27 pm

TrulyAshamed wrote:she doesnt deserve to be in my mind.

... but why?
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
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Re: Confused on how my mind is processing a break up

Postby TrulyAshamed » Sun May 13, 2018 10:54 pm

shock_the_monkey wrote:
TrulyAshamed wrote:she doesnt deserve to be in my mind.

... but why?


Because since the emotional fog that has been affecting my judgment has lifted and after talking to my therapist and also my ex's younger brother/my best friend. She really was toxic in our relationship, she said things and did things that should've been red flags in the relationship but I didn't really attention to it. Love can be blinding man, especially when it's your first love.
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Re: Confused on how my mind is processing a break up

Postby shock_the_monkey » Mon May 14, 2018 5:34 am

TrulyAshamed wrote:
shock_the_monkey wrote:
TrulyAshamed wrote:she doesnt deserve to be in my mind.

... but why?


Because since the emotional fog that has been affecting my judgment has lifted and after talking to my therapist and also my ex's younger brother/my best friend. She really was toxic in our relationship, she said things and did things that should've been red flags in the relationship but I didn't really attention to it. Love can be blinding man, especially when it's your first love.

... that's what i suspected. you're conflicted. you haven't resolved that conflict. that's why you can't let it go. forgive her. the conflict will cease. simple as that.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
shock_the_monkey
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Re: Confused on how my mind is processing a break up

Postby TrulyAshamed » Mon May 14, 2018 6:02 am

... that's what i suspected. you're conflicted. you haven't resolved that conflict. that's why you can't let it go. forgive her. the conflict will cease. simple as that.[/quote]

You're probably right, but how do I do that? How do I get myself to forgive her? Or more importantly, to let go of her. To remove her from my life completely. All I want is to have no emotions attached to her, so that when I think of her with another guy, ect. I wont get hurt. Its so hard to reach that point.
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Re: Confused on how my mind is processing a break up

Postby shock_the_monkey » Mon May 14, 2018 8:01 am

TrulyAshamed wrote:
shock_the_monkey wrote:... that's what i suspected. you're conflicted. you haven't resolved that conflict. that's why you can't let it go. forgive her. the conflict will cease. simple as that.


You're probably right, but how do I do that? How do I get myself to forgive her?

... well, there are basically two approaches to forgiveness, depending on your spiritual development.

the more basic is to try to understand her motives for what she did. if you can do that, you can then see what was driving her behaviour. everyone gets something out of what they do. those people that have damaged behaviours are themselves damaged people. when you can truly see that you can understand that it wasn't you she was hurting but herself. it's fairly easy to forgive people for the hurt they caused you when you realise that it was just a reflection of their own hurt. there are extremely few people who truly delight in the hurt they cause others. and even they are damaged but even more so than most.

the more advanced is to know that you are everyone else and to hate another is to hate yourself. anyone who is that spiritually advance would simply never go there.

TrulyAshamed wrote:Or more importantly, to let go of her. To remove her from my life completely. All I want is to have no emotions attached to her, so that when I think of her with another guy, ect. I wont get hurt. Its so hard to reach that point.

... i think you'll find that if you can forgive her, you'll be able to let go of her. the jealousy is caused by a sense of betrayal. but do you really want someone like that in your life. aren't you, in fact, better off without her. hatred and jealousy will only consume you. it's her life. she gets to choose how to live it. wish her well and let her go.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
shock_the_monkey
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4912
Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2008 10:36 pm
Local time: Sun Nov 18, 2018 11:01 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


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