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Greiving getting more destructive. Over 2 years.

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Greiving getting more destructive. Over 2 years.

Postby cherrios » Sun Mar 27, 2016 9:17 am

Middle aged man. Lost spouse to sudden illness. Until this, emotional but always powerful happy emotions. 2 years ago I lost my spouse. She's gone, I know that. But the last year I'm thinking about her more often each month, crying more hours with out missing a day of crying in 12 months. It's no specific time of day, just when every I think about her and I. I see something she liked in a store, driving down a road, it doesn't really matter in 12 years we did everything together. Everything will remind me of her. I'm going down hill now, I'm so sad. But only sad when I think of her, which is almost all the time now. But when I don't, I can feel good for moments, just moments because feeling good reminds me of her the most, then I switch to feeling really sad. I cry all the time, hours at a time. Wish I could have saved her from her sudden illness we caught just a little sooner, I know it's not my fault but I will blame my self anyway for not catching symptoms sooner. But that's if I only did type of thinking not helping, my sadness is just from missing her. But in the past year, all in total 2 years, I'm still going down hill, and thinking about her more, crying more and longer "when I think of her" which is more and more often.

Talked to a psychiatrist about medication specifically an antidepressant but the dr said they won't work for this because it does not show any signs of a chemical imbalance since I can be happy when distracted, even though it leads me to remembering her, resulting in stopping what I'm doing. I spend too many hours crying, not getting anything done, my life is going down the tubes more and more. I will be unable to stay employed soon, and not likely be employable as I'm just sad all the time now "thinking about her".

Is this some kind of mental illness I never knew about? I've lost other people in my life family and friends but never anyone this close but I also had her to help me go though loss. Never went anywhere alone with out her. I can't get used to it. I can't forget her. I haven't been able to date although I tried.

I want to still do everything I used to, and I can enjoy things as much, but enjoying things makes me thing of the things we used to do, then it changes from enjoyment to crying for hours. So since last year I stop doing almost everything to help reduce the crying.

Anyone else dealing with this, what do you think is wrong with me?
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Re: Greiving getting more destructive. Over 2 years.

Postby Jupiter777 » Wed May 03, 2017 9:58 pm

Hey, It doesn't sound like you are suffering from a mental illness. Just grieving. 2 years isn't that much when we are talking about grieving the loss of someone who was in your life every day, for years.
Crying when you think of her is very normal. I think you still miss her terribly and it's understandable. Don't be too hard on yourself. But at the same time, I'd suggest you seek out help and find a therapist or psychologist, and they'll be able to help you get through this.
I understand that this might be causing problems in your everyday life. Try and set aside a time and place in your day, everyday. Where you can go to and cry as much as you want, in a private place. Maybe your room. IDK if going to a special place you both shared would be good advice.
But try that and see if it gets better.

P.S. I know I'm typing this months after the OP, so i hope you have found a therapist and this message finds you well. :)
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