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I just want my mom back

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I just want my mom back

Postby msangeedepp » Tue Apr 30, 2013 7:51 am

My mom died in January from two terminal illnesses..


I cant get over her dying..

I stayed because Dad passed out for exhaustion..And I cant get over what she went through...seeing her gasp for breath for 5 hours..When they say you feeling pain for someone in a situation, you really do..

I watched her heartbeat slow down to nothing..

I cant get the images out of my head...


I keep having nightmares..

I miss her so much
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Re: I just want my mom back

Postby fiftysix » Fri May 03, 2013 3:11 pm

I'm sorry to hear of your suffering for the loss of your mother. It must have been hard watching her suffering at the end.

You should go and get grief councelling. You need proper support with your struggles.

you need to let her go. YOu don't have to think about her all the time. The more you think about her suffering, the more you will think about it. You can learn to let it fade from your mind with time and also with meditation. Its a good time for you learn this technique now. Learn mindfulness. You may find a psychologist to teach you or you may have to go to a buddhist centre. Preferably someone from the theravada tradition or south asia eg look for insight meditation, vipassana or mindfulness. There are a lot of good teachers in america. Most of them are ex-monks.

Don't bother with any of the hindu traditions. I don't believe their practices are very good. Just a lot of hot air for the most part.
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Re: I just want my mom back

Postby HesDeltanCaptain » Fri May 03, 2013 6:36 pm

Can't begin to imagine how watching a parent die is. Think though I'd get more flexible on my no assisted suicide thing. If it's hopeless and farewells have been made, everything's tended to and all that's left is pain and suffering...

My own mom, brother and his wife are all that's left. Everyone else is gone. Expect losing Mom will be the greatest trial of my life since she's the only one I've ever really been close to. In a way though it'll also represent the start of my life since she's the only one keeping me here. If not for her and how close we are I'da left the US long ago.

Have been mentally preparing myself for her death since my stepdad died. Both her parents died from cancers, so it's not statistically rosy. I don't have any advice for coping I'm afraid. Other than preparing ourselves. It is better than ignoring reality then being devastated when it smacks us upside the head. Weird as it sounds, since we can't change what's happened, we must decide whether to let it devastate and mess with our lives, or try to find the good things about it like they're not suffering any more, and neither is everyone who knew it was coming. In a lot of ways, when someone's terminal, their eventual death is the best thing that coulda happened since not only do they stop suffering but so does everyone else. My stepdad kept his cancer to himself but when he couldn't conceal it any more went very fast. Got the news one day and in about a week he was gone. He got to hospice at home though per his wishes and went peacefully. Mom says the hospice people were godsends. I used to think it a morbid line of work to go into, like undertaking, but as I thought about it before and afterwords it makes sense. We're all going to die eventually, nothing but good karma taking care of those whose time has come like we'll probably want someone there for us when our's does.

If it helps any, the holographic principle in cosmology says information (energy) can't be destroyed even if sucked into a black hole. The information is remembered and stored by the universe itself, so though religion uses different words, a soul of some kind may well exist and represent a continuation in another form for everything. Though to the living the eventual reclamation and remaking of all remebered information may take billions of years, to the recently deceased being removed from perception made possible by their brain are thus ignorant of time's passage, the interval would seem instantaneous from the moment of death to the moment of being remade. Death of living things therefore may be only like us blinking. If all information is stored, it can be retrieved and remade.
"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I pretended to be." - Me.
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Re: I just want my mom back

Postby mercurygirl523 » Tue May 28, 2013 4:53 pm

I remember saying that many many years ago and there are times still after 30 years I say those words. My mother died suddenly in her sleep when I was 14, I was a freshmen in high school ready to just take on the world, I was outgoing and energetic and then all of a sudden boom. My world seemed to be shot down. There was no life insurance so I was a debt, nobody wanted me so I bounced around to family members. I cried a lot, more than most people have in a life time. I became over active in sports and dance and any activity that could keep me moving. No one knew my name in school but called me "that's the girl whose mother died." I went to summer school every year just to graduate early. I later joined the Air force on active duty just to get away from the memories, it was an awesome 7 years traveling and seeing the world. I decided to specialize in grief and loss recovery during graduate school, I learned a lot about the subject and now I help others to learn how to grieve. We will always want our mom's back, if nothing else, they have our back and we have to find a way to live a life in which they would be proud. No drug, or alcohol nothing will bring your mom back and won't make you feel better. Create in your mind that she is still there with you in spirit, I still talk to my mom, it doesn't make you crazy.
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Re: I just want my mom back

Postby msangeedepp » Wed May 29, 2013 2:18 am

Thanks guys..

I had a spell today. I finally decided I need grief counseling..I miss her so much..I know shed want me to go on without her but she was worthy of being remembered. Its just hard. People say youll have fond memories but when the hell is that going to happen? Its been four months and all I have felt is pain
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Re: I just want my mom back

Postby positivethinking » Wed May 29, 2013 9:47 am

The stages of grief are different for everyone. I grieved the loss of my grandmother for over a year and probably should have gone through counseling - would have helped. Reach out and get help. You will feel so much better when you've dealt with your feelings and are now remembering the happier moments with your mom. ((hugs))
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Re: I just want my mom back

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Wed May 29, 2013 4:11 pm

Four months is very early days still. I have been grieving for years over losing my Dad. Don't rush to get over the loss of a parent.
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Re: I just want my mom back

Postby msangeedepp » Thu May 30, 2013 2:17 am

I agree..

but sometimes and it may just be me but the grief is exhausting
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Re: I just want my mom back

Postby positivethinking » Mon Jun 03, 2013 2:02 pm

Unfortunately honey it's like anything else. There are days when the grief is managable and there are days when you probably just want to stay in bed. Eventually you will have more good days than not but yes, grief and the act of grieving is exhausting on the body and the spirit.
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Re: I just want my mom back

Postby Distant Angel » Wed Jul 10, 2013 4:17 am

My heart aches for your loss. There is nothing worse than losing our family. There is nothing in our lives we can trade to get them back, but we have to remember that nothing lasts forever. That is why the time we spend with those we love is so precious. Time is the one thing we cannot get back.

I had a parent die as well, my father. I never got the chance to meet him, but despite the fact, when I heard he died, it was one of the saddest days of my life. I felt like a part of me died too, and I would never get that part back, no matter how hard I could try.

My honest advice would be instead of remembering her last moments, remember the greatest moments you had with her. Your mother will never leave your heart and she would want you to be happy. I like to think that within the wind lies the spirits of our ancestors, and they guide our life and comfort us with their cooling breeze. Her blood resides in you, so she will never be far away. She is in a place of no pain and where she can look down upon you and smile when you smile.

She would want you to be happy, just as happy as she was to bring you in this world. Honor her memory, and remember you will see her again.
"Strength and Honor"-Gladiator
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