Our partner

My turn to say goodbye to my dog

A place to discuss the loss of a beloved pet.

My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Wed Feb 17, 2016 6:39 pm

Today was the day my dog went to Rainbow bridge. He has had a few health issue in recent months, but yesterday was the first day that he gave any indication that there was a big problem. He has been having eye drops applied at the vets for several months to treat a corneal ulcer, and because he is not very co-operative, I decided it would be less stressful if the vet nurses did them.

Everything was going fine until yesterday and when the nurse picked him up to put him on her lap(he was a Westie), he went for her with his teeth, which is not like him at all, and prior to yesterday was causing not problems. He went for a second time when he was being put back on my mobility scooter, and the nurse was concerned enough to ask the vet to look at him. Nothing was found by the examination, but the vet suggested a scan. He was booked in for that today, and it showed a tumour.

Being a caring pet owner, I refused to allow him to suffer,(and the vet had said in the circumstances, he may only last another couple of weeks)I had him put to sleep on my lap while still at the vets. I had a friend with me for support. now the house just seems lifeless. I have the tv on, but that vital spark is missing. He would have been 17 on 5th March. :(
User avatar
TROJAN WARRIOR
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 895
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 3:53 pm
Local time: Thu Jan 28, 2021 3:09 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby StarbucksLovers » Sat Feb 20, 2016 8:50 am

Awww I'm so sorry for your loss! Losing a family member is hard, totally sucks.

RIP little doggy.
StarbucksLovers
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 103
Joined: Sat Nov 14, 2015 2:47 am
Local time: Thu Jan 28, 2021 8:09 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Sat Feb 20, 2016 11:43 am

Thanks StarbucksLovers,

Everything just happened so fast, and in the end, I had to do what was right for him. I cried for 2 days, but now, I feel myself falling into a depression, and everything just seems pointless.

I had a dog to give my life purpose, and now he is gone, there is this big empty void in my heart and my life. Nothing seems worth getting up for in the morning. All I get up for is to try and fill the empty minutes and hours of nothing. My life had structure when I had a dog.
User avatar
TROJAN WARRIOR
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 895
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 3:53 pm
Local time: Thu Jan 28, 2021 3:09 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby StarbucksLovers » Sat Feb 20, 2016 5:39 pm

It happening so fast probably makes it harder to process since you didn't get that time to say Goodbye. He's lucky you're so selfless and did what was best for him, there's a lot of owners who prolong their pets lives up until the very very last minute because they can't deal with letting them go.

Is getting another pet an option when you're ready? If not what about volunteering at an animal rescue or shelter? Or a foster home for senior dogs no one wants? The pain will get easier in time but it won't go away and that's not a bad thing, just use those moments to remember all the good times you had with him.
StarbucksLovers
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 103
Joined: Sat Nov 14, 2015 2:47 am
Local time: Thu Jan 28, 2021 8:09 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Sat Feb 20, 2016 7:08 pm

I do not believe in letting animals suffer unnecessarily, and the vet said he would probably only have had a couple more weeks, so...... He was nearly 17 years old, and he had been sedated for a scan, so he went peacefully. I held him before the end, but he was heavily sedated. It doesn't make the loss any easier to deal with though.

Getting another pet is certainly not on the agenda at the present, or for the foreseeable future. This dog meant everything to me, but if and when I do decide to get another dog, I think I may well consider a rescue dog.
User avatar
TROJAN WARRIOR
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 895
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 3:53 pm
Local time: Thu Jan 28, 2021 3:09 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby realityhere » Sun Feb 21, 2016 1:33 am

hi Trojan,

So sorry you lost your beloved dog. It's hard to watch a real buddy go.

When I lost my dog (same thing, the vet found a tumor that was inoperable and I had her put to sleep), I went into the kitchen later in the evening and poured dog food into the doggie bowl without thinking. That's when it hit me she was really gone because she'd always do this happy circle dance thing when she heard the kibbles pouring into the bowl.

My father died two weeks later. All I could think of was I hope my dad and my dog are together keeping each other company til we all go home.

Got another dog from the same shelter that we got our first one about 8 months later. Totally different personality but very loving too. Give yourself time to grieve, you may want to start another chapter later with a new companion, you just never know.
realityhere
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2637
Joined: Thu Feb 19, 2015 10:31 pm
Local time: Thu Jan 28, 2021 8:09 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Sun Feb 21, 2016 9:53 am

Thankyou realityhere. I just feel so lost and empty at present. Nothing seems important anymore, and I feel like I'm just going through the motions trying to find things to fill the void. It's hard! I have left all his stuff as it was until I can deal with it, but I did pass on all his food to the vets, and took any medications back.
User avatar
TROJAN WARRIOR
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 895
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 3:53 pm
Local time: Thu Jan 28, 2021 3:09 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Sat Feb 27, 2016 6:49 pm

Depression is starting to take hold, and I don't know how to stop it. My appetite has been greatly affected, my sleep pattern is all over the place, nothing I do now seems important, and I woke up this morning feeling ill. I have spoken to a bereavement counsellor on the phone, but it didn't really help. Things seemed to intensify when I brought the ashes home from the vets. It was like a confirmation that my beloved dog was gone, and this little box was there to remind me. As if I need reminding.....the garden is empty, the house is empty and my heart has a big hole in it where he filled.

I know it is only days ago since this all took place, but for nearly 17 years of my life, I felt I had a purpose, and that has all just gone, now I have no reason to get out of bed in the morning. I spend my days sleeping, watching tv(and I don't seem to have concentration for that)driving around aimlessly in the car.

The night time is the worst, because if I can't sleep, there isn't much on the tv to keep my mind occupied, and there's no-one to talk to on the phone as they are all asleep.

I've got an appointment to see the doctor this week, but nothing she can offer is going to help this feeling of loss.

I am quite a self destructive type of person, and when I go through grieving, I tend to hit the self destruct button, and turn to drink to blot my brain out, and I am so close to doing that again.
User avatar
TROJAN WARRIOR
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 895
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 3:53 pm
Local time: Thu Jan 28, 2021 3:09 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby naps » Sat Feb 27, 2016 10:23 pm

Hi Trojan. I'm sorry for the loss of your dog. What you're feeling is totally normal, and since you had no time to prepare, it's hitting you especially hard. I hope you're taking comfort in the fact that your dog went peacefully. For a lot of my pets, the end was very unpleasant and/or painful, and thinking about those moments makes the grieving process much harder.

Have you thought about looking to see if there is a support group in your area for people who have lost their pets? Sometimes it helps to get out and keep busy, and you might find sore solace in a room full of people who are going through the same thing. Failing that, maybe an online support group or forum specifically for pet bereavement?

Other than that, I have no advice other than to just ride it out. Like the flu, it has to run it's course. Maybe doing some research on grief may help you better understand what you're going through and you may be able to pace yourself; it may seem incomprehensible now, but you will feel better as time passes.

I am hesitant to give advice about picking up that bottle because I don't know anything about your history/relationship with alcohol. Whatever you do, try to keep your head above water because somewhere out there is a homeless puppy who someday may need you as much as your Westie did.

And thank you for being a caring, responsible pet owner.

My thoughts are with you.
naps
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 7489
Joined: Sun Feb 22, 2015 2:10 pm
Local time: Thu Jan 28, 2021 11:09 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Sun Feb 28, 2016 10:38 am

Thankyou Marcus555, I think you hit the nail on the head, it all happened so fast. Had he been ill for a while, I would have had more time to prepare. There was a time last year when I thought I was going to have to say goodbye. Friends came to say goodbye to him, but then I decided to get an second opinion and the second vet said that he thought that a small proceedure to remove the problem would work. It did, which gave my dog extra time. At that time, I went through hell for four days, feeling that I was going to have to let go, but that time, things turned on out for the good, but when the vet says "tumour" you know you are onto a loser.

When you love an animal, they get inside you and take hold of your heart, and I have this big hole where my heart should be. He was always taking my stuff places!

It's the emptiness and pointlessness of everything that I am struggling with now. I lived my life around my dog for nearly 17 years, now that is all gone, I'm lost.

I don't think group counselling is my kind of thing. I prefer one to one counselling. I am seeing my GP in a couple of days(pre-scheduled for a different matter), and see what comes of that.
User avatar
TROJAN WARRIOR
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 895
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 3:53 pm
Local time: Thu Jan 28, 2021 3:09 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Pets

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest