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My turn to say goodbye to my dog

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Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby naps » Thu May 12, 2016 11:53 am

Hi TROJAN. Yeah, Realityhere is right. It will take more than three months to get over the impressions made over a 17 year old relationship. What you're feeling isn't unusual. My advice would be to try and not coddle your grief. Let yourself feel sad, but don't waddle in it or overthink it. Waves of grief like this may continue from time to time, but they will get less and less severe.

Let them come and go naturally. Don't feel obligated to feel badly in Buster's honor. The only thing you'll achieve by this is continuing to feel badly without giving your emotions the chance to ebb and flow naturally.

TROJAN wrote:I've tried talking to various people, and some understand, and manage to ease my feelings, but others just either don't seem interested(usually it is people who had a financial interest in my dog when he was alive)or they will say things which they haven't put much thought into.


Yeah people are like that. They throw some cheap Hallmark words at you and think they've done their part. At least there are some understanding people you can talk to. What's important is that your Mum knew Buster, and how much he meant to you through the years. Lots of times when people face a loss, they do it alone, but your Mum saw your relationship first hand. She should be able to provide you with helpful comfort when you need to talk about it. You're lucky. These forums are filled with people with less than perfect mothers who would make things worse.

Also, don't be afraid to second-guess the idea of getting another dog. Maybe it is too soon, maybe you're still too raw. I can't tell from words on a screen. But if Mum is trying to talk to you about it, maybe you should engage her a little. She may be able to see something I or even you can't.

And I know what you mean about the photo albums. When I lose a pet, I hide all physical reminders of them. It's enough that they're on my mind all the time.
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Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Thu May 12, 2016 5:22 pm

Thanks naps, you're right in saying that 3 months without a dog does not wipe out nearly 17 years of being with one. They make a huge impression on a person who is an animal lover. I don't think I'm dwelling on losing Buster, but I'm finding it hard to move forward.

I know Mum may mean well, but my mind is nowhere near ready to contemplate the idea of taking on another dog.
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Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby realityhere » Fri May 20, 2016 12:36 am

Trojan,

Dunno if it's any comfort, I still find it difficult to look at pictures of the dog we lost and of my dad, especially those when the two were snapped together-- still unbearable. The two died only two weeks apart. Been eight years for me so far.

But I have been able to go on with another sweet dog, go figure.
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Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Fri May 20, 2016 9:28 am

Thank you for your kind words, realityhere. I'm certainly looking at the idea of getting another dog, but not until my heart is healed, and every day doesn't feel like I've lost my purpose in life.

I am now more comfortable with making a fuss of other people's dogs, but explaining to people who ask where Buster is, is still something my brain wants to run away from. I just tell them he has gone, and hope they don't want the whole story. Fortunately, most people realise he was getting on in years.

I know exactly what you mean about not being able to look at pictures of your Dad and dog. I'm the same.
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Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Mon Aug 08, 2016 10:05 pm

Haven't posted about Buster for a few months as I've been dealing with a personal issue that is ongoing, and causing me physical and mental problems, but I was out this afternoon, and saw a woman with a westie and the way the westie was behaving, I think it recognised me, and it got me a bit choked up. Then I saw a bloke who asked me where he was, had to explain, and then saw a woman who said she had heard. I've got enough to deal with at present, and for that to have been brought to the front of my mind again, I just don't need it.

I'm still struggling with the idea of getting another dog, and I think it is going to be next year before I even consider it.
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Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby naps » Mon Aug 22, 2016 6:24 pm

Yeah, it can take a while, especially when other issues are giving you problems. Do you have any guilt regarding your losing Buster? That can complicate things. Are you resisting the idea of getting another dog because you feel it might be an affront to Buster's memory? If the answer to either of these questions is yes, you may want to re-examine your feelings. You could be making your grief worse.

Have you thought about getting a different breed? There are several terrier breeds with similar temperaments, if you find it difficult to consider another westie because they remind you of your old dog. How about thinking about how you would go about beginning your search for a new dog? That might shake things up in your mind enough to move a bit forward.

Not trying to push you, but when you're grieving and have problems on top of that, it can be hard to see the whole picture of your life objectively. Picture your life the way it is now but with a new dog. If that's too difficult, I can understand. But also remember how much having a dog can benefit you psychologically. Either way, it's probably best to do what you're most comfortable with.

I also have difficulty looking at photos when I lose a pet. I could never understand how people immediately want to go to the photo album after their dog or cat dies. For me, it would make the feeling of loss even worse.
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Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Mon Aug 22, 2016 7:40 pm

Hi Naps, I have no guilt over allowing Buster to go peacefully. At least he was not aware of what was going on.

I have been resisting getting another dog as I'm still not fully at peace with the loss of Buster, and at present I have apersonal problem that is causing me depression, and I'n not bringing a rescue dog into a new environment when I'm a mess. I think I may consider seeing what the local rescue centre has in the new year.

I definitely wont be considering another Westie - too many memories of Buster, and I don't want to be doing that comparison thing.

There is a rescue centre not far from where I live, so would try there first. Have met the woman who runs it, at the vets. Trouble is, it needs to be a small breed as there is no way I could walk a large dog.

I have a personal problem at present and it has been going on since May. That is making me depressed, and I drink heavily at night, and sometimes, I have a bit in the daytime. I have District Nurses in everyday.

I have been referred for counselling by my GP, but nothing happening yet. I'm also waiting for a referral to a Psychiatrist I was referred to.

Trojan Warrior.
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Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Wed Aug 24, 2016 5:22 pm

I woke up this morning, and something hit me like a brick. Since Buster went, I have kept his bed how it was before. I realised I have been using it as a surface to put some personal items on as I have no room in the wardrobe to store them. I immediately went and got my spare laundry basket and put the things in there, and now store it on the bottom shelf of my computer shelf.

It's weird how this suddenly hit me, but now I have sorted it, I feel better as the dog bed will remain untainted now until I'm ready to get another companion.
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Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby naps » Wed Aug 24, 2016 9:11 pm

You could interpret this as a step forward.

If it was a painful discovery, you certainly didn't mention it in your post. Myself, I might have hidden the bed in the back of a closet so I didn't have to look at it and be reminded.

You've even mentioned getting another dog, whereas months ago, you wouldn't even entertain the idea because it was something too far in the future to even bring up. Not pushing you, here, but if you read over the posts you made in this thread, you'll notice a distinct change in tone regarding Buster's memory and the prospect of getting a new companion.

And good for you for planning to get a rescue when the time comes that you feel you are ready.
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Re: My turn to say goodbye to my dog

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Wed Aug 24, 2016 9:41 pm

I have consciously been leaving things that were for Buster, in place as they were when he was still here, and because I've had a few other problems to deal with over the pas few months-healthwise, it had not really registered in my mind what I was doing, but today for some reason, it did.

I think I may consider looking at getting a new companion in the new year. I don't know.
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