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What's your story?

A place to discuss the loss of friends.

What's your story?

Postby jasmin » Thu Jun 09, 2011 10:48 am

Hi, everyone! :D

In this thread, you can take some time to introduce yourself and meet the community. Please make separate topics for receiving advice, but you can talk about your situation or life here, if you like.

Did you find this forum helpful?

What made you decide to post here?
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I am sorry I am not on the forum as much as I used to be, if I do not reply to you quickly, please contact another moderator/supermod/admin as well.
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Re: What's your story?

Postby gbrownie69 » Tue Feb 07, 2012 1:58 am

I just stumbled on the forum today but the other stories help put things into perspective some and I posted my story to a)help add to the collection and b) for advice.
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Re: What's your story?

Postby eye_aint_got_no_body » Thu May 31, 2012 4:09 pm

My best friend, who I'd known for over 35 years, died of a Methadone overdose 3 years ago, 3 days before my birthday.

I had been to his house the day before and his mother called me the next morning to day he had died earlier that morning. The official determination was his lungs just gave out, he was in a wheelchair, but I'm sure the combination of Methadone and Klonopin had something to do with it.

I was really lost without him and still think of him almost daily, but it doesn't hurt quite as bad. I used to call and tell him if something good was going to be on TV and caught myself going for the hone to call him after he died and realized I wouldn't be doing that anymore.

About 2 years before that the only other real friend I had died the same way. I saw him early in the day and he called that evening to say he was going to the bar to sing karaoke that night. The next morning I got a call from his mother too saying he had died. Apparently he got sick to his stomach and went home, sat down on the bed, laid back, passed out and aspirated on his vomit.

I used to hang out with his older brother as a teenager and had known him most of my life. I didn't have a car at the time and he was about the only person that ever stopped by the house.

I've since cut all ties with the other people I used to consider friends and spend the vast majority of my time alone. They can't be trusted and are really anything but friends.

One of these supposed friends, who I've known for 30 years, told me that if he pulled a knife on me, and I told him I was going to take it away form him and stick it up his azz, that he would be justified in pulling a pistol out and shooting me as he would feel like his life was threatened.
The further I get from the things I care about, the less I care about how much further away I get.
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Re: What's your story?

Postby Cameron305 » Fri Apr 12, 2013 12:24 pm

Hi guys. I have really interesting story. I have four friends and all are my best friends. Once upon a time i saw that two guys are around a girl and she scared. I was go there and stop them to that but they don't then i was fight and they beat me badly. But my friends are come to help me and then we are make a good friendship, 5 years ago.
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Re: What's your story?

Postby thedave » Wed Aug 07, 2013 6:06 am

I lost my best friend. I will never get her back. She is gone forever. I cried for weeks. We could've had an entire life together. Yet there were vultures after her the entire time. And I wasn't good enough. I feel like dying.
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Re: What's your story?

Postby kiki9 » Sun Jun 08, 2014 5:58 pm

I was on this site looking at the page for my mental illness and happened to glance around and find this forum. I thought maybe I could get some help.

About four years ago, my boyfriend/best friend/soul mate died of a heroin overdose. At that point I'd been in rehab for six months and had not been able to speak to him. I was not even permitted to attend the funeral, nor have I visited his grave yet. I write him letters in a nice journal, and when I fill it, I will go to him for the first time and give it to him.

This situation continues to be excruciating every second of the day, even after four years. I'm looking for help and commiseration, and maybe the opportunity to help others.
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Re: What's your story?

Postby TheAmmatTiamat » Mon Jun 09, 2014 1:40 am

Oh my God, kiki9, I am soo sorry. :(

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I am depressed. I am tired of life. I don't feel like going into any more detail than that.

I joined this site at the encouragement of a friend (my only friend).
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Re: What's your story?

Postby Bonnnie » Tue Jun 10, 2014 11:29 pm

Hello all!
I'm Bonnnie, and I've found this forum very helpful since I joined.
I feel so much less alone, and I feel like I can be honest about what I've been through.
I love it here; everyone is so helpful, and always send me hugs! And I love hugs!

I'd love to post my story here, but it doesn't seem like the right thread or something...
I'm not sure. But anyways!
I am 21 at the end of the month, and I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder at... 13 I think. It could have been earlier.

I love making new friends, especially ones that understand mental illness!
PM me anytime you need someone to talk to.

<3, Bonnnie.
"I am with you, I will carry you through it all
I won't leave you
I will catch you, when you feel like letting go
'Cause you're not
you're not alone.
"
~ Not Alone by RED
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Re: What's your story?

Postby skyscraper28 » Wed Jun 11, 2014 4:18 pm

This is the place where we can talk about our loss, right?

:?

I'm struggling. On the outside I come off as this strong, funny, energetic, bubbly, happy person but on the inside I'm dealing with a lot. I feel it all stems from my loss. My mood depends on who I am around. If my parents are around, my happy face is on, I'm light, silly and just my normal self, it's the same thing with my friends. It's not that I don't like to show emotion in front of people, it's just that I feel no one will truly understand if I do. And every time I do bring it up, I just feel like I'm annoying people with my problems. So I'm kind of just dealing with this grief on my own. I do have support from a few close friends but I still feel alone in this.

My story started near the end of March. I got the news on a Saturday morning as soon as I woke up (note: absolutely not my favorite way of waking up) I still remember walking from my bedroom to the living room couch; all I did was hug my knees and cried uncontrollably. I've cried in the past, everyone cries, but this episode felt endless, long, dreadful, embarrassing, and literally uncontrollable. I couldn't control the flow. I couldn't stop trembling either. I just sat there and cried. After that day, I became numb a little bit. Tears suddenly disappeared and I just couldn't access any emotions. I was frozen for a couple of weeks. Then the second month death anniversary rolled along and my emotions came back to me. They've been here ever since.

I notice that when I'm alone and I give thought to my loss, I become very sad. Like, unbearably sad. This is when I'll write my feelings out in my journal or I'll listen to music until I feel better. And I have gone days with listening to music for hours and hours on end. The nights are the absolute hardest for me, sometimes I'll fall asleep to my favorite song because I just can't bear the thought of having to fall asleep with so much on my mind.

I miss him so much. He was my best guy friend. We had an inseparable bond. He always made sure I was happy, and when I wasn't, he was patient with me and understanding. We understood each other in ways that no one else could understand us. He had so many dreams and ambitions, so many things he wanted to achieve, goals he wanted to attain. He was in love with NY and said he wanted to go back there some day. So now whenever I see a picture of NYC, I think of him.

There's this song by Lana Del Rey... it's called "American". It had always made me feel nostalgic — it's bittersweet to me. It reminds me of special people I've known; It tugs at my heart for some reason, and now whenever I listen to it, I think of him. And he wasn't even American. He was Brazilian. But he sure dreamt like an American, he dreamed big... He was tall... he loved his music... he made me crazy, wild, he made me feel like a little kid. That song makes me think of him now, I don't know, it just does.

Losing him meant losing a part of myself. This explains why I'm so out of my element at times. I'm swimming in unfamiliar waters right now. There's a lot of tears, a lot of pain, frustration. A lot of questions and wondering. A lot of looking at the sky in the middle of the night and softly whispering, "i love you". I'm going through the deepest depths of loss and I'm feeling lost as well.

It's surely not going to take me "a couple months" to get over someone who was a part of my life for seven years. Many people have told me that "it's sad because he was young"; many others say: "That's just life, what can we do?" My favorite is "He's in a better place now" I appreciate the sentiment behind all of these statements but they certainly don't help me. They're so generic and off-putting. This is another reason why I've stopped talking to family/some friends about it. If I'm going to get the same generic answers, I may as well just keep my thoughts and emotions to myself, to be honest.

I know he would want me to carry on with my life, to be happy. But I just don't feel happy right now. I have my moments, sure, but... as Taylor Swift puts it, "And I might be okay, but I'm not fine at all...."

Because I'm not.
I'm just not.
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Re: What's your story?

Postby Bonnnie » Wed Jun 11, 2014 8:19 pm

skyscraper28 wrote:This is the place where we can talk about our loss, right?

:?

I'm struggling. On the outside I come off as this strong, funny, energetic, bubbly, happy person but on the inside I'm dealing with a lot. I feel it all stems from my loss. My mood depends on who I am around. If my parents are around, my happy face is on, I'm light, silly and just my normal self, it's the same thing with my friends. It's not that I don't like to show emotion in front of people, it's just that I feel no one will truly understand if I do. And every time I do bring it up, I just feel like I'm annoying people with my problems. So I'm kind of just dealing with this grief on my own. I do have support from a few close friends but I still feel alone in this.

My story started near the end of March. I got the news on a Saturday morning as soon as I woke up (note: absolutely not my favorite way of waking up) I still remember walking from my bedroom to the living room couch; all I did was hug my knees and cried uncontrollably. I've cried in the past, everyone cries, but this episode felt endless, long, dreadful, embarrassing, and literally uncontrollable. I couldn't control the flow. I couldn't stop trembling either. I just sat there and cried. After that day, I became numb a little bit. Tears suddenly disappeared and I just couldn't access any emotions. I was frozen for a couple of weeks. Then the second month death anniversary rolled along and my emotions came back to me. They've been here ever since.

I notice that when I'm alone and I give thought to my loss, I become very sad. Like, unbearably sad. This is when I'll write my feelings out in my journal or I'll listen to music until I feel better. And I have gone days with listening to music for hours and hours on end. The nights are the absolute hardest for me, sometimes I'll fall asleep to my favorite song because I just can't bear the thought of having to fall asleep with so much on my mind.

I miss him so much. He was my best guy friend. We had an inseparable bond. He always made sure I was happy, and when I wasn't, he was patient with me and understanding. We understood each other in ways that no one else could understand us. He had so many dreams and ambitions, so many things he wanted to achieve, goals he wanted to attain. He was in love with NY and said he wanted to go back there some day. So now whenever I see a picture of NYC, I think of him.

There's this song by Lana Del Rey... it's called "American". It had always made me feel nostalgic — it's bittersweet to me. It reminds me of special people I've known; It tugs at my heart for some reason, and now whenever I listen to it, I think of him. And he wasn't even American. He was Brazilian. But he sure dreamt like an American, he dreamed big... He was tall... he loved his music... he made me crazy, wild, he made me feel like a little kid. That song makes me think of him now, I don't know, it just does.

Losing him meant losing a part of myself. This explains why I'm so out of my element at times. I'm swimming in unfamiliar waters right now. There's a lot of tears, a lot of pain, frustration. A lot of questions and wondering. A lot of looking at the sky in the middle of the night and softly whispering, "i love you". I'm going through the deepest depths of loss and I'm feeling lost as well.

It's surely not going to take me "a couple months" to get over someone who was a part of my life for seven years. Many people have told me that "it's sad because he was young"; many others say: "That's just life, what can we do?" My favorite is "He's in a better place now" I appreciate the sentiment behind all of these statements but they certainly don't help me. They're so generic and off-putting. This is another reason why I've stopped talking to family/some friends about it. If I'm going to get the same generic answers, I may as well just keep my thoughts and emotions to myself, to be honest.

I know he would want me to carry on with my life, to be happy. But I just don't feel happy right now. I have my moments, sure, but... as Taylor Swift puts it, "And I might be okay, but I'm not fine at all...."

Because I'm not.
I'm just not.


I know how that goes. Almost as if a part of you is gone; like you can't remember who you were without them there. I had lost my grandma this past December, and I still can't believe it. I actually sort of dread going back home (I moved out of state two years ago) because she won't be there. She won't be in her cute little apartment, offering me chocolate and talking to me about how life is. She won't be there when I just want a grandma hug. I know how painful it can be, I really do. You guys have a different relationship than my grandma and I, but I still know the soul-ripping pain of loss. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this... I wish I could take your numbness away. If you want someone to talk to who is still in the stages of grief, if you want someone to talk to about ANYTHING, PM me, okay? I'm here for you. (:
"I am with you, I will carry you through it all
I won't leave you
I will catch you, when you feel like letting go
'Cause you're not
you're not alone.
"
~ Not Alone by RED
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